“How far are your parents from Seattle?”
I look up from the article I’m reading. “About two and a half hours, depending on weather conditions. Why?”
“Just wondering.” He sets down his phone and props himself up on an elbow. “I think we need to talk about the start of the season.”
“You mean the hockey season?”
RJ nods. “Yeah. Exhibition games start soon. I’d really like you to bring Kody to a practice game. A lot of the other wives and girlfriends come, and they’ll bring their kids.”
“Will there be a lot of people there?” My fingers are already at my lips. I’ve come a long way in the past year, learned how to cope with the anxiousness that results from being in places with a significant crowd.
But an arena crammed with thousands of people is not the same as the aquarium, or a full bus, or even the inside of a shopping mall—the latter of which I generally avoid if at all possible. Actually, I’d still rather avoid two out of the three most days.
“Practices are pretty chill, which is why I want you to come. I know the idea of the arena freaks you out, but it won’t be crazy like it is during the regular season. Even exhibition games aren’t as heavily attended. I just . . . I want you to see what it’s like, so you can get used to it. And I promise it’ll be fun.” He looks so nervous and hopeful.
We can’t just live in the tiny bubble of his house and my apartment, with the occasional dinner out or gathering with friends and a grocery shopping trip thrown in here and there. Most of our relationship has been built in a cosmos of domestic compatibility.
Hockey is his passion, his job, and the thing that drives him. It’s a huge part of his life, and while I’ve watched games with him on TV and seen footage of him playing, it’s not the same as seeing him on the ice in real life. I love the man I met in Alaska and the father of my son, but I want to be able to love all of him, even the parts that scare me—and that includes the NHL star that women drool over.
In order to do that, I need to learn how to handle the other very significant part of his life. And I’m not going to do that by limiting our lives together to the inside of a house. “I think it would be a great idea for Kody and me to come to a practice.”
“Yeah?” RJ’s smile is radiant.
I return his grin, although I’m sure mine is nervous instead of breathtaking, and nod. I had a great time with the girls when they came over while my parents were visiting.
RJ lifts my hand and kisses my knuckles. “I can talk to Lance and Miller—you seemed to really get along with their wives when they were over.”
“You mean Poppy and Sunny? They’re sweet, and you don’t need to talk to Lance and Miller. I can just message the girls—we’re already in a group chat. We can organize something. They’ve already been asking when I’m coming to a practice, so they’ll be happy when I tell them the next one.”
“That’s perfect.” He tugs on my waist, pulling me closer. “There’s something else I want to talk to you about.”
I sit up a little straighter, and so does he. “What’s that?”
He shifts around, patting his thighs. “Come here.”
I give him a look. “We had sex two hours ago.”
“It’s not about sex. I just want you close to me.”
I’m not sure if I believe him or not, but I move to straddle his lap. He smooths his hands up the outside of my thighs and licks his lips. It’s not sexual, though; it’s all about nerves.
“What’s going on?”
“So, I know everything is pretty new, and there’s been a lot of change in a short time—maybe more for me than you—but I don’t know . . . it’s just . . . I’ll be on the road a lot soon, which means I won’t have as much time with you and Kody.”
“We’ll all adjust to the schedule.”
He nods. “I know. So I was thinking . . . I looked into hiring a part-time nanny, someone who could take care of Kody when you’re at work and I’m playing away games.”
“I already have day care, and Kody does well there.”
“Yeah, I know.” RJ’s chewing on the inside of his lip. “Kristen is fantastic with him.”
“She really is.” As much as I don’t like being away from him, I do love that there’s someone I feel comfortable with taking care of him.
“Which is why I offered to pay her double what they do if she’s willing to take care of just Kody.”
“You what?”
RJ holds up his hands. “Hear me out—those women don’t get paid enough for what they do, and Kristen is great with Kody.”
“But I like that he has interaction with other kids. That part is really important, RJ. I spent most of my time with my siblings, apart from the homeschool community events. I want Kody to have a full social life with lots of friends. I don’t want him to struggle like I did, like I still do sometimes. A lot of the time,” I amend.
“I totally agree, although I think you’re better than you realize with people. But I also figured you would say that. Miller and Lance both live in this neighborhood. Their nannies can coordinate playdates with Kristen and Kody. He’ll have lots of friends.”
“But I’ll have to get him here every day before I go to work. How efficient is that?” I’ve been spending a lot more time at his place, but we haven’t really had the relationship talk. Our entire situation is unconventional, and nothing really seems to fit into a neat box where we’re concerned.
“Well, that’s the other thing I wanted to bring up.” He keeps running his hands over my thighs. “What if you moved in? Then it would be easier all the way around, right? Especially if you’ll be able to work from home sometimes and the aquarium is being flexible about your hours.”
“You want us to move in with you?” Now it’s my turn to be nervous. The only people I’ve ever lived with, aside from when RJ and I were in Alaska, are my family.
“It’s a big step, but it makes the most sense, don’t you think? I’m already going to miss you and Kody when I’m on the road, and when I’m home I want to be with you. I was kind of hoping you wanted the same.”
Moving in with him means that slice of complete independence is gone, but at the same time, he makes a good point. We can’t be partners, not the way I think we both want, if I’m living under a different roof. He wants to be part of our lives, and I want the same. And that’s what love is—learning how to lean on someone else, doing it together.
“It’ll be just like Alaska, except you already have friends here, and once you come to practice you’ll get to know the girls better. You don’t have to decide right now. I just want to make it easier for us to spend time together, as a family and as a couple. Think about it, okay?”
“Okay. I can do that.”
“Good.” His hands settle on my waist. “Now bring those lips here—I need a hit of your love before bed.”
I lean in for a kiss that turns into sweet, slow lovemaking. It’s as much a distraction from all the things RJ is asking as it is a way to show me that he loves me and needs me just as much as I’m starting to accept that I need him.