“Give us a chance to get back there.” I want to, more than anything I have ever wanted, but I don’t know if it’s possible. We’re not the same people we were back then. We both have responsibilities that go way beyond just the two of us. I look over at him when I feel his fingers flex around my thigh. “I know that we have a lot to work on, and I know that it’s going to take time for us to rebuild what was broken, but I also know that if we do, we will have something that is beyond anything that either of us thought possible.”
“I just,” I pause, clearing my throat, “I just need time.”
“Time I can give you, as long as I know that when the time’s up, we’re in the same place.” Tears start to fill my eyes.
“I don’t know if I can get lost in you again,” I whisper, looking down at his hand.
“We’re going to be lost together; you won’t be alone.” I look at him; he takes his eyes off the road for a second and all I see is honesty.
“Okay,” I say, and look back out the window. As we turn, there is an old barn and a long dirt road that looks like it leads to nowhere. Then we come over a small hill and the most amazing house appears in front of us. It’s a large log home with a wraparound porch that’s lifted off the ground with cars parked underneath it.
“Wow, this is beautiful.”
“Yeah, Asher built it. We all helped, but most of the interior he did alone.” We park on the side of the driveway. There are two cars, a couple of Jeeps, and a large truck parked there as well. I look around, seeing that everyone is here before us, and just like that, my nerves are back and I feel like I might vomit. I hop out of the truck. Opening the back door, Jax is already out of his seat and is helping Ashlyn with her buckles.
“You ready?” Cash says, opening his arms so he can carry both of them. I reached in, starting to grab bags and everything else. “Baby, don’t worry. I’ll come back out.” When he gives me ‘the look’, I reluctantly set a couple of the bags back down and grab the pie. Before we even make it to the stairs, the front door swings open and a beautiful older woman with chin-length brown hair steps out onto the porch. She is slim and tall, and has on a pair of khaki shorts and a white button up shirt, with simple sandals on her feet.
“You’re here!” she cries, running out to greet us. She doesn’t stop at Cash, who is in front of me; she runs right to me, her hands going to my shoulder. “I’m Susan. Oh my, you’re so pretty, and I love your hair.” She pulls me forward, making me stumble into her. My arms try to go around her, but the bags in my hand, along with the pie I'm trying not to drop to the ground, are making it difficult.
“Ma, you wanna not freak my girl out?” I hear Cash say.
“I'm not freaking her out.” She pulls me away from her to look into my eyes. “I'm not freaking you out, am I?” I laugh slightly; she doesn’t look like she would care if I told her that she is freaking me out. “Oh, my goodness gracious.” She lets go of me and covers her mouth, looking at Ashlyn. “Look at this beautiful angel.” Ashlyn looks over at me, then back at Susan.
“Mom, this is Ashlyn.” Cash says, turning his body so that Ashlyn is closer to his mom.
“Hi! I'm your grandma.”
“Hi,” Ashlyn says in her shy voice, laying her head on Cash’s shoulder. Tears start forming in my eyes at the sight.
“You ready to go meet your cousins?” Susan asks as Cash sets the kids on the ground. Ashlyn shrugs, looking at me.
“It’s okay, love bug.” Jax grabs Ashlyn’s hand, starts walking her up the stairs and into the house, with Susan following close behind them. I stand there and watch as Cash goes back to the truck and starts getting the rest of the stuff that I didn’t grab.
“You ready?” he asks, coming to stand next to me. I take a deep breath and let it out. I’m not ready.
“Sure, let’s go,” I lie. The minute we walk into the house, I’m blown away. It is beautiful, with a huge open floor plan, a sunken living room, and a large kitchen with all up-to-date appliances. We step down into the living room just as the back sliding door opens. A guy who looks a lot like Cash steps inside shirtless, his arms covered in tattoos, all bright and colorful against his tan skin. His hair is long on the top and short on the sides, giving the appearance of a not-so-gothic Mohawk.
“Nico, this is Lilly. Lilly, this is my brother Nico.” I look over at Cash who, yes, has the same facial features, but where Cash looks like all-American baseball player, Nico looks like the only reason he would have a baseball bat is to beat you with it.
“Hi,” I say, trying to wave, and just like that, the pie I was carrying went falling to the floor, the chocolate pudding landing upright, but the force of the impact making most of the contents splash out all over my legs. “No,” I whisper, looking down at the mess I made.
“Well, I can see not much has changed.” I look up, seeing Cash’s brother Trevor, the one I met at the coffee shop all those years ago. He still looks the same, if not a little bit more handsome. Then another guy walks in, looking like he could be Cash’s twin, but upon closer inspection I can tell he’s just a little older, and his hair is a few shades lighter than Cash’s and cut low. I can feel my face heating up when they all surround me. I look back down at my feet, praying to disappear.
“Let me help clean this up.”
“No, I think it’s best if you stay where you are,” Nico says with a smirk that I have the urge to wipe off his face.
“This is my other brother Asher. I don’t know if you remember Trevor. Cash talks softly; my eyes go to him, and he looks like he wants to laugh. I feel a wet cloth on my leg, and I look down to see Nico wiping me off, making me jump back. I start to fall when my foot catches on something—okay, my foot caught on my other one, but whatever—then arms and a lot of bags wrap around me. “I got you.”
“Thanks.” I look around to see all the guys with full smiles on their faces. “This is really embarrassing.” I don’t even realize I say the words out loud until they all start laughing.
“What are you guys doing to her?” I hear a woman ask. I look up to see a beautiful woman with long brown hair coming in to stand next to Asher; his arm goes around her and he kisses the top of her head.
“Hey, baby. This is Lilly. Lilly, this is November, my wife.”
“Hi, I'm so sorry about this mess,” I say, pointing down at the pie that is being scooped up off the floor by Nico.
“It’s nice to finally meet you, Lilly.” She smiles, making me feel better about being here. “Let me show you the bathroom and you can wash your legs off.”
“Nice to meet you too. And that would be good.” I look down at my legs; one has smeared chocolate all over it from where Nico tried to wipe me off.
“I’ll take her; I just need to set this stuff down,” Cash says, and Asher takes the bags from him.
“Let me take those,” Trevor says, grabbing the ones out of my hand as well.
“Thanks.” I look up to see everyone watching me closely, then another beautiful woman comes in with long blonde hair, and she has a very obvious baby bump. I feel like I stepped into the world of beautiful people.
“Liz, this is Lilly. Lilly, this is Liz, Trevor’s wife.” Now my hands are free, I reach forward and shake her hand.
“Nice to meet you.”
“You too. I was just coming in to see where everyone disappeared to,” Liz says, and Trevor comes back over, wrapping his arms around her waist, setting his chin on the top of her head.
“Well, baby, you see, Lilly here is a bit of a klutz.”
“No, I'm not.” My eyes narrow on Trevor and I hear him laugh.
“I think Trevor is right. Who waves while holding a pie?” Nico points out my stupidity.
“It’s polite to wave.”
“When you’re passing someone on the street,” he says.
“I didn’t think about it,” I mumble, looking at the ground and feeling like an idiot.
“These guys are all big bullies,” Liz says, tilting her head back to look at her husband.
“I think when they pick on you it means they like you,” November points out.
“Can you watch the kids for a second? I’m gonna take Lil to the bathroom and help her get washed up,” Cash asks the room of siblings.
“Is that what we’re calling it today?” Asher asks, and my already red face burns hotter. I feel someone watching me, and my eyes go to the kitchen to see Nico dumping out the pie, his eyes on me. I don’t know why, but I feel like he is judging every move I make.
“Mommy, they hab a puppy!” I hear Ashlyn yell as she runs into the house right to me. Her hair is a mess, with grass and twigs sticking out of it, and dirt is covering her clothes. There is another little girl following close behind, but she has blonde hair. When Ashlyn reaches me, her arms go out for me to pick her up. “Mommy, they hab a puppy and he’s so cute!”
“They do?”
“Yes, and his name is Beast.”
“Beast?” I wonder why they would name their ‘cute puppy’ that.
“Can we get one?” she asks, giving me her best pleading face.
“I, um...we can’t get one now.”
“Oh.” Her bottom lip pops out, and I know what’s coming.
“No pouting, what did we talk about?”
“But he’s so cute,” she says, that pouty lip trembling.
“I know, baby.” I laugh, pulling her head to my chest and kissing the top of her head.
“You know, you can come visit Beast whenever you want.” Ashlyn lifts her head to look at November. “Plus, I'm sure July, June, and May would like you to come over and visit.” I looked at Cash, wondering if this was some kind of strange test. Who would have the name November, and then name their children after the other months of the year?”
“Yes, those are their girls’ names,” Trevor says reading my face. “I think they’re trying to make a calendar.” He shrugs, making Asher hit him upside his head while November and Liz roll their eyes at the same time. Ashlyn wiggles, wanting down.
“I will be out in a few minutes. You be good until then, all right?” I tell her, not yet releasing her to run off.
“I know,” she says, completely annoyed with me. So just to annoy her more, I kiss her all over her face, making her scream with laughter.
“See you in a few minutes.” I kiss her one last time then release her. When I stand back up, everyone is staring at me, but Cash’s eyes are so warm that my pulse starts to race.
“Um…” I look around.
“Let’s get you washed up,” Cash says, grabbing a bag from the couch. I would have gone anywhere with him at that point, just to get away from the strange vibe I was getting from everyone.
“Is everything okay?” I ask as soon as the bathroom door closes.
“More than.”
“Oh, it just that I felt like everyone was waiting for something to happen.”
“My ex wasn’t the easiest person,” he mumbles, closing and locking the door behind us.
“What do you mean?” I slip off my sandals.
“She would start fights over everything under the sun. She always made it seem like everyone was out to get her.”
“Were they?” I mean, I don’t know this woman, but I do know women, and we have a tendency to band together.
“Nah, my family’s not like that; even if they didn’t like her, she would never know it.
“Oh.” That didn’t make me feel good.
“Let’s get this off.” He starts pulling my dress up.
“I don’t need to take my dress off to wash my legs.” I slap at his hands away.
“You’re also going to try this on while we’re in here.” He pulls out a black bikini from the bag he brought into the bathroom with him. The same bikini he was trying to get me to buy when we were in the store.
“I’m not!” I shake my head, pulling down the showerhead and stepping into the tub. Wrapping the bottom of my dress higher around my waist, I start to rinse off my legs.
“Will you please try it on for me?”
“No.” I don’t even look at him when I answer.
“Please?” I finish washing the pudding off my legs, turn off the shower, dry off, and reach out, grabbing the suit from him and pulling the shower curtain closed. I forgot this about him. I forgot that when he wanted something, he would not stop until I did whatever he wanted.
“You’re annoying,” I grumble, pulling my dress up over my head and hanging it over the shower rod along with my bra, but I leave on my thong. Once I have the suit on, I adjust everything, making sure nothing is popping out.
“See?” I slide the curtain open, placing my hands on my hips.
“Fuck me.” He brings his fist up to his mouth, biting down on it. “Yeah, you’re right; you’re not wearing that shit out there if Kenton or Sven come today.” He starts shaking his head in the negative.
“I told you so.” My stomach drops. I’m not gross to look at, but I don’t look like I did before when we were together. My waist and h*ps expanded, along with my breasts. And I have stretch marks from when I was pregnant. I pull the shower closed, take off the top and the bottom, and reach for my dress. Just as it slides over the rod and into my hands, the shower curtain opens. “What are you doing?” I ask, covering my br**sts in a slight panic. His eyes are dark and hungry, making me take a step back.