Of course I want to hold him, but I want to see Randy hold him almost as much. I’ll get my turn soon enough.
“You’ll be fine. Just hold your arms like me,” Sunny says.
Randy sits down on the couch beside her and mimics Sunny’s position so she can transfer Logan into the generous space.
“If you’re not comfortable, I can hold him.” Miller extends his arms, glancing nervously at Randy. It’s sweet.
“He’ll be fine, Miller.” She eases a snuffling Logan into his arms.
“What do I do now?”
“You hold him exactly as you are. He’s tired from all the work we just did, so he’s pretty sleepy.”
Randy’s stiff as he cradles Logan, obviously unsure and uncomfortable. It’s endearing. He looks up at me. “He’s so tiny.”
“He is. It’s a good thing, too, considering where he came from.”
“I can’t get over how small he is,” Randy muses.
Daisy and Skye come out of the kitchen at the sound of Randy’s voice. They ooh and aah over how sweet he looks holding Logan. It’s the first time I’ve ever seen him blush.
I snap a couple of pictures with the Polaroid while Sunny opens the gift. Inside is a tiny jersey with the team logo. On the back is Butterson 04, just like his dad’s.
“It’s probably too big right now,” Randy says.
“It’ll be perfect in a few months. Thank you.”
“You’re welcome. Can I give him back now?”
Sunny laughs and looks to me. “Do you want to hold him?”
“Of course.” I take my turn, slipping my pinkie finger under Logan’s tiny hand. I think about all the changes to Sunny’s life now that he’s here, how different it will be, how things will never be the same, and how she’s okay with that. I consider how this will change her relationship with Miller; it’s not just about them anymore. Their number one has changed. Logan will be the most important person in their lives now.
I’m happy to have Randy as my number one, and I’m happy to be his.
People start showing up not long after this. Violet and Alex and both of their dads—now grandpas—with Charlene and Darren. We hang out for a short while, then move to the backyard to entertain the dogs. Around lunchtime, Randy and I gather Wiener’s toys and take him back to our place.
Randy’s quiet on the ride home.
“You okay?”
“Yeah, I’m fine.” He stretches his arm across the backseat and threads his fingers through the hair at the nape of my neck. Wiener’s curled up alongside his leg. He’d be in Randy’s lap if he wasn’t driving.
“A little overwhelmed?”
“I’ve never held a baby that new or that small before.”
“Me either.”
He’s silent again for the rest of the trip. I don’t push him to talk, because sometimes words aren’t going to make a difference. He parks the truck in the driveway and taps the wheel for a few seconds while staring at me.
“Do you want to go in?” I ask.
“Right. Yeah.”
We bring all of Wiener’s toys inside. His favorite, ironically, is a stuffed hot dog. He follows Randy around the house with it in his mouth. He’s freaking adorable.
“Come hang out with me.” Randy pats the cushion next to him on the couch. Wiener jumps up and takes the space before I can, but Randy moves him to the other side so I can snuggle in with him. “Is it wrong that I’m glad I don’t have to share you like Miller’s gonna have to share Sunny now?”
I shift so I can look at him. “You mean her attention?”
“Yeah, I guess, but it’s more than that. He’s gonna have to share her love, too. I don’t think I’d like that.”
“You don’t think her heart has enough room for both of them?”
“No. I mean, yeah, of course she has enough room. I’m not saying this right. That baby changes everything, and he’s gonna take time away from them. I’m already gone half the year. I don’t think I’d want to come home after being away for a week and have to share you with someone else. Wow, that makes me a selfish asshole, doesn’t it?”
“I think it makes you human. I’ve thought the same thing. I’ve also thought about how hard it’s going to be for Miller to be away from both of them.”
“Babies are some scary shit.”
“That’s why my vote is on dogs. I’d say cats, because they’re easier, but I’m allergic, so they’re out. We could always talk to Sunny about keeping Wiener if we like having him. She told me his other adoption fell through.”
“I like that idea.” Randy traces the line of my shin. “I’m not saying I’d never want that with you, though—a family, I mean. I think one day, like, a long time in the future, it would be okay.”
“You don’t have to explain. I get exactly what you mean. I like what we have right now. I don’t want to change it.”
“How are you so perfect?” Randy palms the back of my neck and gives me a soft, lingering kiss.
I think this means the end of this conversation for now, except he bends me forward. It’s an awkward position. My nose hits my knees.
“What’re you doing?”
“Checking for your drone microchip.” His lips touch the top of my spine.
I’m not exactly in a position designed for retaliation, but I manage to get an arm free so I can pinch him. He releases the back of my neck, and I pop up, but before I can launch a counterattack, he lays me out on the couch. Wiener jumps down and barks twice before running around in a circle.
“Sorry, buddy,” Randy says over his shoulder, then turns back to me. “No microchip. You’re one-hundred-percent real, and you’re all mine.”
Wiener paces beside the couch, then puts his paws up beside our heads and whines.
“Well, maybe not all yours. I think you have to share me with Wiener now.”
Randy runs his palm up the outside of my thigh and rolls his hips. “I have another wiener that wants a piece of you.”
I snicker. “You’re ridiculous.”
“That I am. I’m pretty sure that’s why you love me.”
“It’s one of many reasons.”
His smile is beautiful, just like the rest of him.
There is no end to my love for this man. Randy’s my happily ever after, and I’m his.