“Becca. Your turn,” Cliff, the group leader, says.
I keep my eyes narrowed at Aaron, who’s avoiding my gaze, and reach into my bag for my iPad. I pull up the speech I’d prepared last night, take a deep breath, and hit speak. My eyes lose focus the second Cordy starts to speak.
“I’ve been a little down lately which I guess is the reason why I haven’t been coming to these sessions. It’s probably counterproductive considering this is therapy, and we should be using it the most during those times. The truth is, I lost someone from my life who I loved dearly. Maybe not in the way I should’ve loved him, but still, I did. I think the part that hurt me the most is that I didn’t show him that, and in turn, that hurt me. And it’s that thought that had me spiraling down. I know what you’re all thinking… Becca had her heart broken by a guy, boo-hoo. But the truth is, he wasn’t just a guy. He was a guy who helped me through some of the toughest times of my life. He helped me heal, and he taught me that my biggest physical flaw was not at all an emotional one. And that it shouldn’t stop me from at least attempting to reach my life goals.
“I guess it’s because of him I chose to start showing more people my photography—my life goal. My dad encouraged me to set up an Instagram account and we have about fifty followers. No bites for sales yet, but that’s not really the point. I know it may seem like a small step for most, but it’s a giant leap for me. I think that regardless of common advice, sometimes it’s important to fall and stay down for a while to appreciate why it’s so important to get back up. I’m grateful to Aaron for helping me realize that. And I just want to thank him, even if he disappears from my life forever. I want him to know that he means so much more to me than I let on. And sometimes, the fear of losing someone important makes you push them away. And for that, I’m sorry.”
Silence fills the room seconds after the last word, and I keep my eyes lowered, afraid of people’s judgments. When I find the courage to glance up, no one’s looking at me, they’re all looking at Aaron—who’s smiling. “What’s your Instagram account?”
* * *
“Where’s your car?” I sign to Aaron, using his body to shield me from the sun.
He rubs his jaw, his eyes shifting to the side. “Yeah… I kind of wanted to talk to you about something, but then the group started and well…” he trails off.
I grasp his arm and wait until he’s looking at me before signing, “What’s going on?”
He waits a beat, his cheeks darkening. “I kind of met someone…”
An emotion hits me. I’m not sure what yet, but I sign, “Is that what you were going to talk about in there? Because you could’ve.”
Aaron shrugs. “I know. It just didn’t seem appropriate. And then you started talking—”
My eye roll cuts him off.
He chuckles. “Of all the things I’ll miss about you, Owens, your eye roll is extremely low on the list.”
I shove his shoulder just as a car pulls up to the curb. A girl walks out, blonde and beautiful, her eyes only for Aaron. “Hey, babe,” she says, and I look down at my feet.
“Hey,” he responds, but I can feel his eyes on me.
I take a breath and look up at them, just in time to see her go in for a kiss and him back away. I fake an eye roll, causing Aaron to laugh, and his girlfriend’s brow to bunch in confusion. Then she looks over at me, her eyes widening before her features straighten and a smile, although forced, curls on her lips. “You must be Becca?” she says, taking Aaron’s hand when he puts his arm around her shoulders. “Aaron’s told me so much about you. I’m Macy.” There’s sincerity in her words, and I hate myself for thinking she was anything but pleasant. I know Aaron, and I know the type of girl he’d fall for. I raise my hand in a wave and return her genuine smile.
Macy looks up at Aaron. “So Dex is in the driveway waiting for you. He’s got the basketball hoop set up and everything.”
“Dex is Macy’s little brother,” Aaron tells me.
“And Aaron’s biggest fan,” Macy adds.
They laugh together, this perfectly perfect couple.
Aaron removes his arm from around his girlfriend and spreads both of them wide, inviting me. “Can I get a hug?”
I hide my smile against his chest and hold him for longer than necessary, but he’s not the first to let go, not the first to weaken. I am.
“I’ll see you next week?” Aaron asks me.