“Editing novels is a lot more isolating. Less exposure. Reporting news or writing commentary would mean getting myself out there. And that can’t happen.”
Because of her ex. “So you just give up on your dreams forever?” He hated that idea.
Erin looked away and up into the sky. “I’m out here with you on this beautiful day, and for the first time ever I don’t have to wonder if I’m going to do or say something wrong. I feel free. I’m not going to mess that up by exposing myself any more than I have to and risk all that going away. Editing pays my bills. And if it dries up, I’ll figure out something else.”
“Some reporters make good money.”
“Name one outside of who you see on TV?”
He couldn’t name any.
“Money isn’t everything.”
“Only people with money say that,” he said.
Erin nodded. “It’s true. I’ll never drive fancy cars again or shop in Paris. That life came with a huge price tag. I’m much happier baking brownies for my boyfriend and playing with my friend’s dog.”
He squeezed her hand. “I’ve never been to Paris.”
She sighed. “It’s fabulous.”
“Why do I get the feeling you’re not talking about a precollege backpacking experience through Europe?”
He could see her struggling with her words long before they came out of her mouth. “He, who shall not be named, had money, Matt. Money and influence. And before you ask or assume . . . no, I didn’t marry him for any of that. I was born with a silver spoon and a dad who was just as big of an asshole. He didn’t beat us, but he did ignore us.”
Lots of questions formed in his head. “Us?”
She looked at him, looked away.
“You can trust me.”
“Sister. I have a sister. She’s older. Married, has a family.” Erin smiled into a memory only she could see. “Barely out of high school she eloped with her first love. My dad pretended to be furious, but he barked about it for all of ten minutes, then moved on to me. Only I was younger so he had to wait. Then at some point he realized that I could become a bargaining chip with his colleagues.”
Matt narrowed his eyes. “I’m not following you.”
Erin ran a hand through her hair. “My father introduced me to my ex. In the beginning, the two of them spent almost as much time together as we did. My ex joined me in a dislike for my dad, which made me think we had more in common than we did.”
Matt sat up. “If your ex hated your dad, why spend time with him?”
“Pawns in a game of chess. De—my ex suggested we keep my father happy so that he would give me a significant wedding gift.”
“A wedding gift? Like what, Grandma’s china?”
She laughed. Matt wasn’t trying to be funny, but Erin was laughing hard.
“No, Matt. I don’t think my grandmother ever had china. We’re talking shares in a company they were both a part of. It was something my dad had stock in, but really didn’t care about. But Desmond did . . . he wanted—” Erin slapped a hand to her mouth.
Desmond . . . her ex’s name was Desmond.
Matt crawled across the blanket and placed both his hands on her knees. “Babe. C’mon. I don’t care. His name means nothing to me.” Yeah, it did. He could now place a name on his punching bag and have at it.
“I shouldn’t have . . .”
“What did he want, Erin? What did your ex want that he married you for?”
“His shares in the company combined with what my father gifted him when we married gave him controlling interest. We got married, and my dad washed his hands of me.”
“It’s like you were chattel.”
Erin looked at him. “I could have said no. I cared for my ex in the beginning. He grew up with a single mom who brought men around that treated him poorly. He convinced me that we had a lot in common. And I said yes.”
Matt could see her kicking herself for that decision. “Did your dad ever find out what a douche you married?”
“My sister did, and she went to our father. They never talked, and it was rare they ever saw each other, but she realized that in order for me to get away, I was going to need some financial help.”
“So your dad did step up.”
Erin started rubbing her hands together. “No. My dad told my sister that life wasn’t fair and for me to grow up and figure out my own problems without running to Daddy.”
What the fuck? Who did that? “Damn, Erin . . . what did you do?”
“Promise not to judge me?”
“I’m judging all kinds of people right now, but you’re not in the pool.”
She patted her feet. “I sold my shoes.”
He wasn’t sure he heard that right. “Shoes?”
She smiled. “I saw this movie where a princess wanted to help out her lover, so she went on a spending spree buying all kinds of things. The prince didn’t care that his wife spent money on stuff, but he wasn’t about to hand her cash. So she sold the stuff and gave the cash to her lover. So . . . I sold my shoes. Desmond would have noticed my jewelry missing, so I sold what he wouldn’t miss. I kept the boxes in the back of my closet and emptied them one at a time until I had enough money to start over.”
He blinked several times, looked at the sneakers on her feet, and grinned. “Shoes?”
“Designer shoes. They’re pretty spendy, Matt. Women will pay seventy-five percent of retail on a lightly worn pair of Ralph Laurens.”
“I’m going to have to look up Ralph when we get home.”
She started to relax. “Would have been easier and faster to just sell his ring. But my attorney said he might use that against me in the divorce and say it was theft on my part. So I left it in a box on my dresser.”
“What did your dad get out of it? You said he used you as a pawn.”
“He lost credibility when my mom ran off and when my sister eloped. He had a new girlfriend who was only a little older than my sister, and she wanted me gone. So when he married me off and made a grand gesture of making sure I was provided for by means of giving Desmond controlling shares in the company, he was praised as the best dad in the world.”
“What an asshole.”
“The ugly underbelly of money. I don’t want it. Any of it. Desmond can have the money. They can all rot with it.”
He clasped her hand with his. “You’re the strongest woman I’ve ever met.”
“A strong woman wouldn’t have allowed herself to be used the way I did.”
“No, babe. Strong people find themselves in hard situations all the time. How you deal with and get out of them is what really shows your power.”
He could tell by her expression she wasn’t buying what he was selling.
“Maybe someday I’ll believe that,” she said.
Matt pulled her over to him and lay back on the blanket. “Maybe someday I’ll prove it to you.”
She relaxed against his chest as a summer breeze brushed along their skin.
“I don’t have a ton,” he told her. “But I could probably take you to Paris if I saved up. Not sure if we can invite Ralph, though.”
Erin’s slow laughter put a huge smile on his face. And when she looked up, he took advantage of the lips she was offering.