This woman might just have the power to break me completely . . .
IT’S THE MIDDLE OF THE night but I can’t seem to sleep. I’m laying here wrapped up in Kyan’s arms, wanting nothing more than to just feel him close to me. The more I lay here and watch him breathing, the more beautiful he becomes by the second.
Thinking about tomorrow and what could happen when we get home scares me. After having this feeling with Kyan, I don’t think I can give it up. I had fun with Hunter. He’s great, but he’s not Kyan; no one is, and I don’t want to be doing this with anyone else but him. I know that more now than ever.
Swallowing back my worry, I reach up and twirl a piece of his brown hair between my fingers. His grip on me tightens, pulling me even closer into his firm chest.
Savoring this moment, I press my lips to his chest while breathing in his intoxicating scent. This could quite possibly be the only moment like this that we’ll get to share. That thought scares the shit out of me. After sharing the most intimate sex I’ve ever had in my life with this man . . . with Kyan, it might just rip my heart out to lose this, to lose him.
Pulling me up so that we’re eye level, Kyan tangles our bodies together and kisses my nose. “Get some sleep, baby. No thinking. Just close your eyes.”
I can’t help but to notice the pain behind his voice as if he knows this is the last moment like this we’ll share as well. My heart aches to hold onto this moment.
Please don’t let me lose this feeling . . .
WE ARRIVED BACK AT THE apartment over an hour ago. After kissing me on the side of the mouth, like I sort of expected, Kyan took off to take care of some business at the gym. It left me feeling empty and reminded me that things are a lot more complicated than I’d hoped they would be when we returned.
I’ve been sitting here staring at the wall, thinking about how he made me feel yesterday when he surprised me at the wedding.
A mixture of emotions run through me, reminding me just how much of an effect this man has had over me the last few weeks. Despite me trying to shut it off, this man has been evading my every thought from the very beginning. Not even Hunter was able to push Kyan completely out of my thoughts. The problem is that Hunter might just be able to push me from Kyan’s. The idea of that makes me feel sick to my stomach.
The door to the apartment opens to Tori dropping her keys down onto the table. Closing the door, she grins and runs across the room, jumping over the arm of her chair. “So . . .” Sitting up straight, she tilts her head, pushing for me to put her out of her misery. “What happened? Don’t leave shit out? I want it all.”
Sighing, I lay back on the couch and squeeze my eyes shut. Thinking about it just exhausts me, but that still hasn’t stopped me from doing it. “Last night was absolutely incredible. I won’t lie. We spent the night alternating between having rough, wild sex to having the most passionate sex of my damn life. He’s so good, Tori; so damn good that it hurts to not be able to be like that now. I don’t know what I’m going to do.” I let out a breath and run my hands over my face in frustration.
“Wild, passionate sex sounds like a damn good time to me, so why do you look so . . . so . . . sad or some shit? I’d be all up that sexy man’s ass right now instead of on this lame couch.”
“Because we’re back home,” I huff. “Back in Chicago.”
“And? What’s the problem?”
I sit up enough so that I can look at her. “The problem is that what happened in Wisconsin was temporary. That’s what. Back here in Chicago, we have unattached sex, personal training sessions, and his . . . brother. That’s the problem.”
Tori scrunches her face, finally understanding what I’m getting at. “Oh crap, honey. I didn’t think about that.” Standing from the couch, she rushes into the kitchen and starts pouring us some wine. “What are you going to do about Hunter? You can’t seriously have feelings for that cocky asshat.”
“I don’t.” I sit up and grab the wine glass, holding it to my lips as I think. There’s only one thing I can do and the thought of it doesn’t bother me one bit. “Stop having sex with Hunter, thank him for the good time, and then move on.” I take a sip and set the glass down. This is the part that bothers me, the hard part. “And tell Kyan how I feel. I don’t know if I can just have a sexual relationship with him anymore. I need more, Tori. With him . . . I need it all. I have to tell him before I let this go on too long and get hurt. I don’t think I can handle that.”
Tori takes a sip of her wine before pulling it away and running her fingers over the rim of the glass. “I would give Kyan a few days to really let his feelings set in first and then talk to him and tell him how you feel. If he can’t do the whole relationship thing . . . then I guess you’ll have to decide if you can have any kind of relationship at all. If you can’t then there will be others. There will always be others.”
The problem with her words is that I don’t want others. I want Kyan and there’s a huge chance that might not happen. She’s right though. I’ll give him a few days and then I’m telling him how I truly feel. He’ll either feel the same way or I’ll get left out in the cold and go back to Fluffin’ my own muffin.
I just hope he’ll end up being the one fluffin’ it . . .
I STARE AT MY PHONE, swallowing the thick lump in my throat. It’s been three days since I dropped Calla off at her door and I haven’t stopped thinking about her since. It’s fucking eating at me not being next to her. Touching her and kissing her has given me a peace that I haven’t felt in years. I’m missing that feeling and I want nothing more than to have it back, but the more I think about her and the way she makes me feel . . . the more I think about my brother having her in the same way that I have. He’s been between those beautiful legs of hers, sucking, licking and tasting just as I have.
Whenever I close my eyes images of him fucking her torment me, driving me mad; him holding her legs open, thrusting between them, and making her scream as she comes. I fucking hate it. It makes me hate myself, because it’s my fault that it happened in the first place. I was too much of a pussy to allow myself to take her completely, because I knew there was a huge chance of me falling.
“What the fuck.” Tossing my phone aside, I grip my hair and hang my head between my legs. Hunter was supposed to be the solution not the fucking problem.