“Should, um, I get someone to help you?” I take a step back and give him some room. I hope I haven’t messed up any of the progress he’s made in the pool.
“No, don’t,” he says, quiet. Reeve pushes a hand through his hair, composing himself. He says with a groan, “It’s my own fault for coming to this stupid maze anyway.” He reaches for his crutches, slides them under his arms.
I can tell he’s about to walk away from me, but I don’t want him to. I’m not ready for this moment to be over. Not yet. It’s like when we rode the ferry together. I’d wish and wish and wish the ride could last a little bit longer. Even a minute longer.
I reach out and touch his arm. His shirt is so unbelievably soft, and I feel his bicep underneath. It’s big and tight and cut, probably from the weeks he’s spent on crutches. I say, “I’m so sorry you got hurt at the dance.” And despite everything Reeve did to me, it feels good to apologize. Because I truly did not mean for him to be hurt so bad that his whole life might be screwed up.
He shrugs his shoulders. “Shit happens, you know?”
“Yup,” I say, nodding, because it is true. “Shit happens.” It happens to all of us.
There’s an awkward second, where neither of us knows what to say. Reeve rustles his hand through his hair. “I should go find my friends. Hope you make it out of here alive.” He positions his crutches and goes to take a step forward, but I shift my body so he can’t. It gives me a surge of adrenaline.
Put myself out there. That was Kat’s advice.
What do I have to lose?
“It’s, um, been a long time, huh?” The words get kind of caught up in my throat.
Reeve’s head falls slightly to the side. “Yeah . . .”
The wind picks up and blows my hair around. I tuck as much as I can behind my ears. “I’ve always wondered if you ever thought about what happened.” Reeve lets out an awkward laugh and then blinks a few times. I can’t tell if he’s embarrassed or blindsided. “If you felt bad about what you did. I hoped so, anyway.”
And then I hold my breath, because it’s the perfect opening. I’m giving him the best shot to apologize to me, to finally take responsibility for his actions. To make things right between us, once and for all.
Reeve’s eyes narrow in confusion. He’s trying to place me.
Which throws me off. Sure, I’m wearing a Halloween costume, but it’s weird. It took him five seconds to call me Big Easy at the dance. Does he really not recognize me now?
“I mean, calling someone Big Easy? Making everyone at Montessori hate them? I know people say middle school is the worst, but you took the cake on that one.” Reeve’s whole body stiffens, and he stares at me hard, this time with cold eyes. I feel him peeling back the layers I’ve got on. The makeup, the pink hair extensions, the crazy outfit, until I’m stripped clean to the bone. I’m shaking. Shaking like a leaf in the wind. “Aren’t you sorry? Even a little bit?”
He wets his lips and growls, “Go f**k yourself.” The three words come out like they are sentences. Punches.
Tears fill my eyes, and I worry my legs might give out underneath me, as Reeve pushes past me and down the long corridor.
“I’m sorry,” I call after him. I don’t even know why. But I immediately hate myself for saying it. Twice. Because those are the words I deserve to hear. Not him. Only I’ll never get an apology from Reeve, because he isn’t sorry.
Not one little bit.
And then I feel it coming. A tidal wave. A tsunami. The surge inside of me. Anger, sadness. Like on homecoming night. I close my eyes, but I don’t see darkness. I see the hay maze lighting up, walls of fire penning in all these people.
Oh God, oh God.
I have to get out of here before I explode.
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
I’ve got my back pressed up against a wall of hay bales, and the sticks are pricking through my nun habit. It’s a dead-end part of the maze, but I don’t care. I’m hiding out here so no ghouls or zombies or whatever can get me from behind. Every so often, I crane my neck and peer around the corner and keep my eyes peeled for Mary.
Obviously I’d find her faster if I actually looked for her, but I’m not moving from this spot. Mary can come to me. I didn’t pay thirty dollars to die of a heart attack in this damn maze.
I hope she’s having fun. Kid deserves to have a good time. I’m glad that little doofus was trying his pathetic best to chat Mary up while we were in line. She could use a boost to her selfesteem, big time. Sure, I’m no guidance counselor, but Mary needs to realize that she’s not the girl she used to be.
A pack of people creep past the alley where I’m hiding out. A girl in a ballerina costume breaks off from the group and heads toward me, walking cautiously on her tiptoes. She’s got on a pink leotard, pink tutu, pink everything. Of course it’s Lillia.
“Lil,” I say, stepping out of the shadows. She jumps and screams a horror-movie scream, but she’s smiling, too. Scaredy-cat Lillia loves this stuff—who’d have known? She must think I’m one of the workers, because she’s about to run away, back to her friends. But then I say her name again and she stops cold. It takes her another second to recognize me, I guess because of my costume.
“Kat! Oh my God! Is that you under there?” “Taketh not the Lord’s name in vain!” I say in a booming voice.
She giggles. “Where’s Mary? She was coming with you, right?”
I nod. “Wait till you see her costume. She looks amazing.” As I say it, I realize that I wish it were the three of us hanging out together tonight. But I push the thought out of my mind, because it doesn’t make sense to feel sad about something you can’t do shit about. I quick change the subject. “Did everything go okay at the elementary school tonight?”
“It was fine. I think the kids had fun. The parents were happy.”
“Cool.” I felt bad, seeing how stressed Lillia was all week. “Hey. You know, I would have come and helped. But you didn’t say anything, so—” Her cheeks get flush, so I back off. “I’m not upset or anything,” I clarify. “I mean . . .” I don’t know what I mean. I’m babbling.
“Don’t worry. It all worked out. I didn’t think to ask you, though. I know it’s not your thing. But thanks for offering to help”—she smirks—“when it’s too late to actually, you know, help.”
I touch a finger to her shoulder and make a sizzle sound. “Nice zinger, Lil. I like how I’m rubbing off on you.”
She looks like she’s about to make another joke at my expense when we hear Reeve say, “Shit!”
His voice sounds like it’s coming from the other side of the hay wall.
We both roll our eyes, because Reeve’s such a douche, but then there’s Mary’s voice, all tiny and small and Mary-like.
“I . . . I didn’t see you.”
In half a second, Lillia and I both have our ears up to the wall, listening.
She whispers to me, “Mary’s talking to him.”
I whisper back, “Eff talking. Kick him in the nuts!”
That makes Lillia laugh, and she quick puts both her hands up to her mouth so no one hears it.
We listen to Mary lead Reeve through the conversation. And I’m like, why isn’t this dummy apologizing to her, once and for all?
Instead we hear Reeve say, “Go f**k yourself.”
Suddenly I’m burning a thousand degrees inside. Fucking Reeve Tabatsky. He’s as much of an a-hole as he was before his accident, if not a bigger one. I start heading over to rescue Mary and to take out Reeve’s other leg, but Lillia grabs my arm.
“Kat, don’t. Give her a chance to stand up for herself.” Her eyes are big and hopeful. Either that or she’s nervous.
I don’t want to, but I do what Lillia says, because I know deep down that she’s right. Mary hasn’t had a chance to tell Reeve off. She’s basically been in hiding from him since coming back to Jar Island. Hopefully, she’ll do it, right here, right now. It’ll help her. I know it will. I say a prayer that she does, ’cause I’m a nun and all.
Lillia and I both stop breathing as we listen to Mary fall into her bad habits.
“I’m sorry,” she says.
Lillia closes her eyes and drops her chin to her chest.
Damn.
And then we see Mary sprint past our alley.
I go to race after her, and Lillia makes a move like she’s going to come with me, but I shake my head. “No. Stay with your friends. We shouldn’t let anyone see the three of us together!” She doesn’t listen. She runs right alongside me.
“Mary!” We’re both screaming her name, pushing people out of one way. I see her pink-streaked hair a hundred feet or so ahead.
Finally we catch up. Lillia grabs hold of Mary’s shirt. “Mary!”
Mary spins around. She’s crying. She tries to tell us what happened, but she can’t get the words out.
“We heard it. We heard everything.” Lillia gently pushes some of Mary’s hair out of her face. “You look amazing, by the way.”
The compliment doesn’t even register on Mary’s face. It’s blank. Like she has PTSD or something.
I turn her by the shoulders and make her look me in the eye. “What do you need?” I say, quick. “Just tell us.”
I think she’s going to answer me, but instead she breaks free and runs off.
We let her go.
“This feels wrong,” I say, and chew on my finger.
Lil’s perfect ballerina bun has unraveled. Strands are falling out of the coil, but she doesn’t seem to notice. “We’ve got to give her space if that’s what she wants.”
“I guess . . . But what if she does something to herself?” Lillia looks unsure now too. “We’ll go over her house tomorrow and check on her.”
I nod my head. That’s a good idea. “I’ll text you in the morning.”
“Great.” Lillia takes a deep breath and sighs. “Poor Mary.”
I don’t even know what I’m doing, but I lean in, like I’m going to give Lillia Cho a hug. And she leans in, like she’s going to give me one back.
“Lillia! Lil! We’re lea-ving!”
It’s Ashlin.
“Go,” I whisper. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”
Lillia frowns, but she walks backward away from me.
As I head toward the maze exit, some ghost gets in my face. I’ve got so much anger inside, I shove him and say, “Enough already.” A few people look at me like I’m insane. And that’s exactly how I feel. Insane with worry for my friend.
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
I head toward Ash’s voice and run into her and a few of other girls from the squad. She’s all tipsy and happy, and she shrieks my name and threads her arm through mine. I guess because Rennie’s hasn’t caught up yet, she can be as friendly as she wants and act like nothing’s wrong. Ugh. But whatever. I’ll take what I can get.
Ash and Deb are giggling about some zombie guy who accidentally touched Ash’s boob, but I stay silent. I can’t stop thinking about Mary. I hope she’s okay.
Everyone’s heading for the parking lot, and then we’ll drive over to party in the big cemetery in Canobie Bluffs. Since we have off the next two days for a teacher conference. It’s the oldest cemetery on the island; there are gravestones that go back to the 1700s. All the old Jar Island families have plots here. Lots of weird names like Ebenezer and Deliverance and Jedidah.
In the lot, people are starting to pile into cars, and I spot Reeve alone, leaning against Alex’s SUV, staring off into space. Just the sight of him makes me sick.
I can’t help myself. I break away from the girls and march right up to him and say, “Hey. Reeve.”
Reeve turns to me and smiles. Freaking jerk actually smiles. “Hey, Cho. Are you headed to the cemetery?”
My voice shakes as I say, “You’re cruel. I knew you could be mean sometimes, but I never knew you could be so incredibly cruel.”
Bewildered, he says, “What are you talking about?”
“I heard you,” I say. “I heard what you said to that girl in the maze. ‘Go eff yourself’? Seriously?”
“Wait a minute—”
“What did she do to you to deserve that?” My voice is getting louder and louder.
His face goes hard. “Don’t worry about what girls I talk to. That’s none of your concern.”
“I’m not concerned—”
“Then mind your own business.”
I want to scream, It is my business! but I can’t and still protect Mary. So instead I say, “You know what? I’m glad you broke your stupid leg. I’m glad you can’t play football and that no college wants you on their team anymore. You deserve everything you’re getting, because you’re a bad person.”
Reeve goes the color of a sheet, but I don’t let myself feel bad for him. Instead, I give him the dirtiest look I can conjure up, and then I turn on my heel and run toward Ash’s car.
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
I tear through the open field, weaving between rows of parked cars and clusters of people, trying to put as much distance between me and the maze as I can. My heels keep getting tripped up by field rocks and the soft ground, and at some point I end up falling to the ground in between two cars.
I want to get right back up, to keep going, because the woods are only a few feet away. But I can barely breathe. Luckily, there’s no one around to see me. So I sit there on my knees in the dirt and cry. I cry my eyes out all alone.