“I got into it with Rennie, too. We’re officially frenemies now.” Lillia smiles, but I can tell her heart isn’t in it. “It’s the end of an era, Katherine.”
I can’t help but feel a surge of vindication. Rennie’s pure evil. She knows it now without a doubt. Lil’s much better off without her.
Tremulously Lillia says, “I’m just glad we found each other again. I don’t know what I would do if I didn’t have you and Mary.”
Gruffly I say, “Well, that’s not something you have to worry about,” and Lillia smiles a real smile this time.
Lillia wolfs down the sandwich while I drive us to Middlebury. As she’s licking her fingers, she says, “Do you think Mary is okay?”
“She’ll be okay.”
“No . . . I mean, like, do you think she’s mentally okay?”
I get quiet because I’m not sure.
“I was thinking maybe we should try to get her to talk to someone.”
“Like who? A guidance counselor?” I think immediately of Ms. Chirazo and shake my head like a big Hells, no. “We’ll keep a closer eye on her. If things get bad, okay, we’ll force her to talk to someone. But I don’t think we’re at that point yet.” At least, I hope we aren’t.
Lillia looks unsure, but she nods. “Okay. Deal.”
We drive to Mary’s house. I don’t see her aunt’s car in the driveway, thank God. We go up to the front door and ring the bell a few times, but no one answers. I’ve got a bad feeling in my stomach when I say, “Maybe she went out for breakfast?”
Lillia calls out, “Mary! Mary!”
“I’m around back!”
Lillia and I walk over to the garage. Mary’s inside, her bicycle turned upside down. She’s greasing up her chain.
The garage is dark, save for one raw bulb dangling down from the rafters. The place is full of stuff. Furniture covered with sheets, a telescope collapsed and leaning against an old bureau. “Wow. There must be an entire house worth of stuff in here.”
“It’s mostly my family’s things,” she says. “From when we moved.”
I walk over and look at the telescope. It’s super nice. High end. “They didn’t want this?” It seems crazy to me that a family would leave all their things behind. But then again, I’m not rich. Maybe Mary’s family has money.
Mary shrugs. “Dad liked to try and spot whales from the front window. There’s no ocean view where they live now.”
“We brought cupcakes,” Lillia announces, and takes the box from my hands.
I take a seat on some old patio furniture. “We wanted to make sure you were okay, after what Reeve said to you in the maze last night.”
Mary stands up and pulls her hands inside her sweater sleeves. “I’m embarrassed that you guys heard all of that. How I apologized to him.”
I say, “You have nothing to be sorry for, okay? Nothing.”
“I guess.” Her bottom lip starts quivering, but she bites on it to make it stop, and sucks in a deep breath. “I don’t understand why I can’t get over it.” Lillia and I both nod. “I’m like a shadow of a person. I feel like I’m disappearing.” Mary wrings her hands. “I’ve been trying so hard . . .” Her voice gets all shaky. “I’ve been trying to join clubs at school to give myself something to focus on, start thinking about my future. But even though I’ve been working to put myself back together, I’m always seconds away from falling apart. I had the worst fight with my aunt last night. I know it’s terrible to say, but part of me wishes I’d just gone through with killing myself, because this is no way to live.”
In that moment, all the air is sucked out of the garage, and I’m suddenly aware of how fast my heart is beating. This is our worst nightmare come true. I glance over at Lillia. She’s fiddling with the strings on her hoodie. She doesn’t know what to say.
Neither do I.
It’s too quiet. So I say, “Mary, this isn’t a case of ‘if at first you don’t succeed,’ okay?” My bad joke tumbles out along with a hollow, nervous laugh. Lillia shoots me a look, but what the hell? I didn’t see her opening her mouth. “You need to quit saying that kind of stuff.”
I don’t even know if she hears me, because she’s so upset. Her whole body has crumpled, like all the bones holding her up have gone soft. I push my bangs out of my eyes, lean forward, and tell her, “You’ve been through a lot, but someday this isn’t going to seem so devastating. Next year you’ll be a senior, and after that you’ll head off to college. One day you’ll look back on this shit and laugh.” I wish I could give Mary more hope than that, something that could help her in the here and now, but that’s all I’ve got.
In her quiet way she says, “The funny thing is that Reeve wouldn’t care if I died or not. Do you know how that feels, after everything I’ve been through? And it’s not because he’s heartless. He does care about some people.” She lifts her head and looks at Lillia. “But not me.”
Lillia turns bright, bright red. Pleadingly she says, “Mary, you can’t do this to yourself. He’s not worth it.” She pushes her hair over to one side. “Like, not at all.”
Mary locks eyes with Lillia. “I heard you guys last night in the parking lot. I heard the things you said to him. Nobody’s ever stuck up for me that way before, not ever. You’ve been like a big sister to me. Both of you.”
I’m touched, but I don’t like the way she’s talking. It’s as if she’s saying her good-byes.
Lillia gives her a shaky smile and tries to say something, but Mary keeps talking, and her voice gets louder, more intense. “Did you know that Reeve cried? He cried after you told him off in the parking lot. That’s how much he cares what you think of him.”
I watch the shock cross Lillia’s face. “Reeve cried?” Mary nods her head, resolute. “It’s because he likes you.” “There’s no way,” Lillia says. “That’s just . . . gross.”
It’s gross, but I’m starting to wonder if it’s also the truth. I chime in, “Remember at the dance? How he kissed you in front of everybody?”
“I don’t want to remember that, thanks.” Lillia makes a gag face. “Can we please get off this topic and go back to talking about you, Mary? We want to help.”
“I’m not upset about it. In fact, maybe it’s a good thing. Maybe we can use this.”
“For what?” Lillia asks, her eyebrow raised.
“Here’s what I realized last night. I can’t ever hurt Reeve, because he couldn’t care less about me. The broken bones didn’t stop him. He’s already working on a way to get back to football. It’s crazy, but I bet he’ll do it. Reeve gets everything he wants.” Mary’s eyes are practically glowing, she’s so excited. “But not this time. Don’t you see? I have the one thing he’ll never get. You.”
Lil’s mouth drops open. “Even if what you’re saying is true—and I don’t think it is—but if it were, if Reeve did like me, I’d never give him the time of day. Never ever ever.” She shudders.
I kind of love the idea of Reeve pining after a girl he can never have. And I’m about to say so, but Mary doesn’t even blink as she says, “Him liking you and you not liking him back isn’t enough. Don’t you see? The thing that made it so bad for me was that Reeve made me believe there was a chance. He drew me in; he spent all that time with me; he told me his secrets. He made me feel special. He made me think I had a chance.”
I grimace.
“So when he betrayed me that day, when he pushed me in the water in front of those boys from our school, I was blindsided. I broke into a million pieces. Because it was all a lie, every moment we’d spent together. He didn’t care about me, not at all. Not one bit. He used me for his own entertainment, so he wouldn’t be bored on his ferry rides.” She clears her throat. “Reeve broke my heart, and now you’ve got a chance to break his. Will you do it, Lillia? For me? Please?” Mary’s voice breaks on the word “please.”
Lillia’s pinky finger goes to her mouth, and she chews on her nail. “Mary . . . I want to help you. I do. But . . .” Her voice trails off, and then she sighs. “Rennie would make my life a living hell for this. Things are already so bad between us . . .”
Mary nods sadly. “No, I understand. I wouldn’t want you to get hurt.”
“Hold up, you guys!” I shout, charging in all excited like the bull I am. “Lil, if you get Reeve to fall in love with you, you’re untouchable. Nobody could say dick to you if you were Reeve’s girl! He’s the f**king king of the island. Reeve’s the one with the real power, not Rennie!”
“And then what happens to me when I break up with him?” Lillia challenges. “Where does that leave me?”
I smile a wolfy smile. “I’ll tell you exactly where that leaves you, Cho. That leaves you as the Head Bitch in Charge. Any girl that could reel in Reeve Tabatsky and then reject him is the boss, dude. People might not like it, but they’re sure as shit gonna respect it. It’s a power move, the ultimate power move. Shit, I wish I could be the one to pull it off.”
“Lillia shakes her head slowly. “I said some really horrible things to him last night. I don’t think he’ll ever forgive me for that.”
“If you apologize, he will,” I say. “Guys like him, they love a little push-pull. They don’t want it to be too easy. Tell him you’re sorry and it’ll be fine. Right, Mary?”
Mary nods.
Lillia goes silent, and I can tell she’s thinking it over. She lifts her head and sucks in her lips. “Rennie would be hella pissed.” A grin blooms across her face. “Okay,” she says at last. “I’ll do it.”
“Are you sure?” Mary asks her.
Lil lets out a deep breath. “I’m in.”
Mary practically sags in gratitude. “Thank you. Thank you, Lillia.”
I grab Lil’s shoulders and give her a shake. “Yes! Lillia Cho, HBIC!”
She laughs, and I grin at Mary. A hopeful smile is spreading across her face. “Operation Break Reeve’s Heart begins on Saturday!” I crow. “My house.”
“Why not right now?” Lillia asks me.
I shake my head. “First we need ammo. I’ll show you on Saturday after I’m done with the SAT. Just you wait, my pretty.”
CHAPTER NINETEEN
I park a block away from Kat’s house, to be on the safe side. The houses are a lot closer together here, and mostly split-levels. There aren’t the big hedges and gates that the houses in White Haven have, so everybody can see everything. Rennie lives pretty close by, and Reeve does too, so I’m not taking any chances. On Jar Island, you never know who’s watching.
I ring the doorbell, but no one answers. The plan was to meet here after Kat took the SATs. You couldn’t pay me to take them again, even if I was guaranteed a perfect score.
I wait before I ring it a second time. A minute goes by and still nothing. The light’s on in the kitchen, though. Somebody’s home. Gingerly, I touch the door handle, and it’s unlocked, the way it always was. “Hello?” I call out, opening the door a crack. “Kat?”
When we were growing up, Kat’s house was like that— neighborhood kids were always running in and out the front door, and nobody minded. My mom would have been all, Would you mind taking your shoes off at the door, and also, does your mother know you’re over here, and who wants some Greek yogurt with blueberries? At Kat’s house it was a free-for-all; we would stuff our faces with Cheetos and Mountain Dew and play video games for hours and nobody would bother us. It was kid heaven.
“Hello?” I call out again.
A guy’s voice says, “It’s open.”
I venture into the kitchen, and there is Patrick, sitting at the
table, eating cereal without a shirt on, even though it’s well past lunchtime. He looks sweaty and dirty, like he recently got back from riding around on his bike. His shoulders are freckled the way I remember, but he’s not so skinny anymore—still lean, but stronger looking. His eyes widen for a split second; then he grins. “What are you doing on this side of the island, little girl?”
My throat feels dry all of a sudden. “Hi, Patrick.” He drawls, “Are you here to see Kat, or me?”
I feel myself blush. “Kat. We—we have a project at school.
Did she finish the SATs?”
“Yeah. She ran out for something. Cigarettes, I think,” he
says, and then he starts eating his cereal again, like it’s perfectly
normal that I’m in his house and he doesn’t have a shirt on.
With his mouth full he asks, “Want some cereal?”
“What kind?”
“Your favorite,” he says, and he points to the seat next to
him. “Sit down.”
Even though I had chicken salad on a croissant an hour ago,
I sit down, and he gets up and brings a box of Trix, which is my
favorite, a jug of milk, and a spoon. He tips more Trix into his
bowl and pushes it so it’s between us.
“Bon appetit, Lil,” he says, handing me the spoon. And then we’re both eating Trix, from the same bowl, and he
smells like outside and wind and motor oil.
I can’t believe Patrick remembered that Trix was my favorite.