I sat huddled in my room, Phoebe on my lap. The feeling of that night came flowing back over me as I sat there. I had a better handle on it now, but I knew that that loud booming above me would always remind me of feeling alone and helpless.
I had several candles burning around my bedroom in case the power went out. Normally, candles provided a calming, romantic atmosphere, but tonight the shadows they cast on the walls surrounding me made the storm even scarier, more unnerving.
I heard a soft knock at my door and startled. Phoebe perked her ears up and barked softly. Who the hell was that?
I had already had him in the forefront of my mind because of the storm, and so my heart rate accelerated as I slowly got up off my bed and tiptoed down the hall, Phoebe at my heels.
I went to the front window and peeked out the curtain where I could just barely see my porch in front of the door. Archer was leaned back, looking at me as I stared at him. My heart started pounding as I took in his drenched form, his jeans and white t-shirt plastered to his body. Oh God, he must have walked here in the downpour.
I only hesitated for a second before I hurried to the door and flung it open to the sound of the rain pounding the ground in front of my porch. A loud clap of thunder shook the cottage and I jumped slightly, causing Archer to take a step toward me.
What are you doing here? I asked.
You don't like thunderstorms, he answered.
I tilted my head, confused. You walked a mile in the rain because I don't like thunderstorms?
He hesitated for a second, looking away, frowning slightly. Then he looked back at me and said simply, yes. He paused, his expression pained. I know I'm probably the last person you want to see right now, but I just thought if I sat on your porch, you wouldn't be scared. You wouldn't be alone.
Oh God.
I couldn't help it, my face crumpled and I started to cry.
Archer took a tentative step toward me and silently asked permission as he looked into my eyes. I nodded at him, acknowledging his unspoken question, and he took me in his arms and pressed me to him.
I brought my arms up around him and buried my face in his neck, breathing in his clean, rainy scent. I cried silently in his arms for several minutes as he held me, rubbing circles on my back, his warm breath on my ear, his drenched clothing soaking me too. For those few minutes, I was oblivious to the thunder and rain coming down noisily all around us–for those few minutes, it was only me and him, and nothing else.
I wasn't sure what to think. I only knew that this felt right. He was still my best friend, my sweet, silent boy, and I had missed him so desperately that I ached. He had hurt me and yet I clung to him as if my very life depended on it.
After a few minutes, I leaned back, looking up at his face. He looked down at me so sweetly and tenderly that my heart squeezed tightly in my chest.
You hurt me, I said, stepping back.
Sadness filled his expression and he nodded, acknowledging that he knew he had.
Let me fix it, he said, please. I want to fix it. What can I do?
I breathed out, dropping my shoulders. You had sex with another woman, Archer.
He shook his head, I didn't have sex with her, I just… was with her.
My brows furrowed and I jerked my head back. What? I thought you were… wait, what does 'you were with her' mean exactly? I didn't know what he was going to tell me, but relief washed over me when I realized that he hadn't gone all the way with her.
He sighed, running a hand over his wet head, and then shaking his hand down at his side. I… Is this… he sighed again. She took me in the back room and kissed my neck and brought my hands to her breasts. My body… reacted. He closed his eyes for a couple beats and then opened them. She told me Travis had paid for her to have sex with me, but it didn't feel right and so I left. That's what happened. I'm so sorry. I knew it wasn't right, I didn't want that. I mean… I … God. Shame filled his face as he looked down again.
I released the breath I'd been holding and laughed softly, shaking my head. Archer took my chin in his freezing cold fingers and tilted my head up. He looked at me with questioning eyes.
You got a lap dance, Archer, and it went too far. But you said no to her and left. I studied him for a second. Why did you say no? Tell me.
He didn't say anything for a few beats and then, Because I don't want to be with anyone except you. I didn't want her, I only want you. I only want you, Bree.
As we stood there in my doorway, looking into each other's eyes, I noticed that he was trembling and his lips were turning blue, a pool of water on my dry porch beneath him.
I pulled him inside. "Oh my God, you're freezing," I said, my hands busy pulling him. "We have to get you warm."
I walked him into my bathroom and turned on the shower, warm steam immediately billowing out into the small room. I started pulling his clothes off, his sweatshirt and his t-shirt, and he let me, his eyes trained on my face, only helping out where I needed him to. He kicked his shoes off, and I knelt before him and peeled his wet socks off his feet and then stood up again, my eyes moving up his abs to his chest as I came slowly upright. The room suddenly seemed even warmer. I bit my lip and looked up into his beautiful face.
You get in the shower, I said when he was standing in nothing but his jeans. I need to change too, I said, looking down at my wet nightshirt.
He nodded, and I turned jerkily and left the bathroom. I shut the door behind me and leaned against it for a second, biting my lip again. I groaned softly. "Only you, Bree," I said quietly. "Only you would fall in love with the local, mute loner." But then I grinned. Yes, local, mute loner, but my local, mute loner.
I changed out of my wet clothes and put on a new–cuter– nightshirt. Then I went to the kitchen and put on the kettle. I stood there looking out the window at the rain, waiting for the whistle.
A couple minutes later, I heard the shower turn off and a minute after that, the door opened and I called softly, "In the kitchen."
Archer came in with only a towel wrapped around his narrow hips, rubbing a hand over his hair and looking at me a little self-consciously. I took in his drool-worthy na**d chest and the way the towel left little to the imagination as far as his assets went and swallowed.
"I'm just finishing up the tea," I said, opening a couple tea bags. "If you want to gather your clothes and put them in the dryer–it's right in the small closet in the hall."
He nodded and left the room as I finished up, and then re-joined me as I was bringing the tea into the front room. He took one of the mugs from me and we sat down on the couch together, sipping our hot tea in silence for several comfortable minutes.
Finally, he put his mug down on the table next to the couch and turned to me. Can I say something?
I looked at him, and tilted my head, and said, "Of course," and then took another small sip of my tea.
He took a deep breath and seemed to be gathering his thoughts. I've been thinking a lot these past couple of days and… I was trying to be what you want me to be, but… it's a lot for me, Bree. He shook his head slightly. I hated that night–the noise, all the people, the fact that I can't talk. He was silent for a beat before meeting my eyes. I want to make you happy, more than anything, but… He ran his hand over the top of his hair again.
I sat my tea down on the coffee table in front of us and moved closer to him. Archer, I made you feel like you were a project to me. I made you feel like you, just as you are… you weren't enough. I looked down and then back up into his eyes. I'm so sorry.
He grabbed my hands, squeezed them and then let go. No, it's not your fault. I know that you were trying to… expand my world. I just need to do that as I'm ready to do that, okay? And I don't know when I'll be ready to do that. It might be a long time, Bree.
I nodded, tears in my eyes. Okay. I laughed lightly and climbed onto his lap, straddling him and leaning forward, squeezing him tightly to me. "Just one thing though," I whispered into his neck, not willing to let go of him just then.
He waited. I leaned back and said, "The only woman who gives you lap dances is me."
He grinned, his eyes dancing. I felt like that grin could easily cause me to fall over and die of heart failure brought on by an overdose of his beauty. I grinned back and leaned forward and kissed him deeply.
The thunder boomed and a bolt of lightning made the room pulse with light for several seconds. I sighed contentedly and slid my tongue into Archer's warm mouth. He tasted like a mixture of cinnamon from his toothpaste and honey from the tea. His tongue met mine, sliding along it deliciously, eliciting a moan from deep in my chest. He took my face in his hands and tilted my head so that he could go deeper, taking charge of the kiss and exploring my mouth slowly and thoroughly until I was panting and rubbing myself on his thick, hard erection.
Archer was shy and unsure so much of the time, but when it came to something he had taken time to master, he was steady and confident about it. I wondered if he even noticed that about himself.
I broke the kiss, sucking in air and tilting my head back to give him access to my neck. He kissed and nibbled down it lightly as I ran my fingers through his hair.
His hands came up to my br**sts and he rubbed my ni**les lazily over the thin cotton of my nightshirt. I sighed with pleasure, grabbing handfuls of his hair.
I felt his erection grow even harder beneath me–nothing separating us except for the now-wet material of my underwear and the terrycloth towel.
I reached down between us and trailed my fingers lightly down his tight abs. He inhaled a breath, his muscles clenching at my touch. I moved my hand down further and stroked him over the towel as he looked at me with heavy-lidded eyes, his lips parted slightly. Oh God, he was stunning to me. Wetness pooled between my thighs and a furious pulse of need beat there, wanting to be filled.
"Archer… I want you," I whispered.
Without hesitating even a portion of a second, he scooped his arms underneath me and stood up, heading toward my bedroom. I laughed, bringing my arms up around his neck. "I guess that's a yes," I said.
He smiled at me, looking slightly strained and just a little bit nervous.
When we got to my bedroom, he laid me gently on the bed and stood looking down at me, gentleness and desire meeting in the expression on his face. My heart thundered in my ears.
Archer turned to the wall and flipped the overhead light off. The candles were still lit and they cast a dreamy glow to the room. What a difference a half an hour made, I thought, remembering that I had been sitting in this very room just a little while ago, feeling alone and scared.
Archer turned and dropped the towel from around his waist, and I got a brief look at the full vision of his na**d body before he put one knee on the bed and lowered himself down to me. Good lord. Building stone patios, chopping wood, and walking everywhere was a workout video he needed to put on the market. ASAP.
He brought his mouth to mine again and kissed me deeply for long minutes, bringing his mouth to my neck after we both broke to gulp in air. He sucked on the skin gently, and I leaned my head back even further, giving him more access and pressing my h*ps upward into his hardness. He sucked in a breath and brought his head up, looking into my eyes.
He was leaning on his forearms, holding himself over me and so he couldn't use his hands to talk, and I chose not to speak either. The look on his face told me everything I needed to know. There was nowhere else on earth he'd rather be than right here with me, doing what we were about to do. And as I gazed up at him, his eyes dark with lust and his expression tender with emotion, I knew there was nowhere else on this earth I'd rather be either.
I reached my arms up, indicating that he should lift my nightshirt off. He leaned up and took hold of the hem and raised it slowly, sliding it up my arms and over my head and tossing it on the floor next to the bed.
Then he stood up again and watched my eyes as he hooked his pointer fingers in each side of my underwear and dragged them down my legs. I looked from his eyes down to his hard, straining c**k and the pulsing in my core picked up in intensity.
He stood staring down at me, and I began to squirm slightly as his eyes raked up and down my body. I had never simply stayed still as someone studied my na**dness, but when he met my eyes and said, You're so beautiful, I relaxed. I noted that his hands were shaking very slightly.
"So are you," I whispered as he came back down on top of me, the muscles of his forearms flexing again as he held his weight off of me and leaned his head in to meet my mouth again.
I ran my hands slowly up and down the hard ridges of his arms and then over his broad shoulders. Then I traveled down the smooth skin of his muscled back, ending at his ass where I lightly ran my hands over it, grabbing it lightly and pushing him down into me. I felt him smile against my mouth.
I broke free from his lips smiling, too, as he kissed my neck again. "You like it when I grab your ass?" I asked, grinning. He smiled into my neck.
So I brought my hands back to his hard ass and kneaded it lightly, pressing my h*ps upward into his erection, laying hard on my belly, the heat of it burning into my skin deliciously and making me tremble with my desire for him.
He moved his head down to my br**sts and took one nipple into his warm mouth and circled his tongue over it. "Oh, Archer," I gasped out, "please don’t stop."
He brought his other hand up and played with one nipple while he sucked and teased the other one with his mouth and his tongue and then switched sides.
I moaned and pressed my h*ps up, seeking relief from the aching need between my legs, my cl*tso swollen, I thought I'd probably come the minute he touched it.
Archer brought one hand down between my legs and dipped his finger into my wetness, bringing some of it up and over my small bundle of nerves as he used his finger to make slow circles on it, just like I had shown him. I gasped and moaned, rolling my h*ps upwards, pressing into his hand, begging for the release that was so close, I could feel the beginnings of it like little sparks of static electricity.