He heard her take another deep breath, this one hitched, and Johnny tightened, getting ready for what came next.
“We weren’t happy. It was fake. We faked happy. My mom died after a life that ran her down because she worked so fucking hard, and one of the things she worked hard at was faking happy.”
On the last two words her voice broke, so Johnny let go of her hair and hand and did a crunch to grab her under her arms, pulling her up and twisting her until he could lay her torso on top of his.
He rounded her with his arms, laid back.
Izzy shoved her face in his neck and wept.
Johnny stared at the stars and let her, holding her close with one arm, stroking her hair with another.
He gave it time.
Then he told her what he knew. What he saw in those pictures in her tack room.
“You actually were happy, spätzchen. You know that, right?”
She nodded with her face still in his neck.
“I . . . I . . . kn-know,” she pushed out. “I’m just being dramatic.”
“You’re just being honest,” he replied.
“I’m . . . I’m ruining our camping night.”
“No way, Izzy. You ever give that up to anyone?” he asked.
She shook her head this time but didn’t say anything.
“Then you just gave me something beautiful, baby. Precious. I’ll remember it forever. So you’re not ruining anything.”
The stars disappeared when she lifted her head, eyes to his.
“You sure?” she asked.
He slid a hand to the side of her head and rubbed his thumb across her wet cheek.
“Yeah,” he answered.
She studied him in the moonlight, wiped her hand across her other cheek then scooted down a little and dropped her head to rest against his pec.
Johnny slid his hand in her hair again.
They lay together in silence for a while before she broke it.
“Mom said we should never hate anyone. But I can’t help it, Johnny. I hate him.”
“I hate him too and I didn’t live through that, Iz. So give yourself a break, yeah?”
She nodded, her cheek and hair moving on his chest.
“Did you ever . . . I mean, you talk about your dad’s folks but not your mom’s. Did you at least have them?” she asked, turning the subject to him, he suspected to get it off where they were.
He decided she’d had enough so he allowed that.
“When we were older and we asked, Dad told us that Mom told him the home she grew up in was not a good one so she left the minute she could and never went back. Dad never even met them. He asked us if we wanted him to find them for us, and Toby made that decision, saying if we had her for the time we did and they didn’t give a shit enough to find her, and doing that us, then he didn’t think Dad should waste his time. I thought that was sound logic so I agreed and Dad honored that.”
“It does sound like sound logic,” she said.
“Yeah.”
She took a deep breath, turned her head and rubbed her face in his chest in that way of hers that was so sweet, then she settled back in.
“What would you do if she came back?” she asked.
“Hear her out and make my decision,” he answered then turned it on her. “What would you do if he came back?”
“I’d ask if I had any siblings, and if I did I’d ask where to find them and then I’d shut the door in his face,” she answered.
Johnny grinned at the stars, murmuring, “That’s my girl.”
She sounded like she was smiling when she replied, “Yeah.”
They fell into their own thoughts until Iz shifted, putting her chin to his chest. Lifting his head, he took his hand from her hair, put it behind his head and caught her eyes.
“I’m sorry I brought him—” she began.
“Shh,” he shushed.
“With Perry showing and you throwing the plate—”
“Baby, did you not hear me say how much it means you gave me that?”
“You make me happy and I . . . now that I know how it feels when it’s real, I guess I just—”
At that, he angled up taking her up with him and dragging her ass into his lap.
“You done with the stars and the moonlight or you wanna fuck out here under them?” he asked.
Her body jerked in surprise at his question.
He waited impatiently for her to answer it.
“I . . . well . . .” Her eyes darted side to side before coming back to his. “Is there anyone around us?”
“No clue.”
“Well, if there is, do you think they’d take a walk at night?”
“Tent,” he decided, surged up and took her with him when he did that too.
He had her hand in his and he was dragging her to the tent.
Ranger followed.
Ranger would have to wait outside for a while.
“Can we go back and gaze at the stars after?” she asked when Johnny had bent low to get into the tent.
He twisted his neck to look up at her. “After, if you can still move, we’ll do anything you want.”
He could swear he saw her face flush in the moonlight.
Johnny just pulled her into the tent behind him.
She couldn’t move when he was done with her, so it was Johnny who had to move to go deal with the fire and let Ranger in.
Then he zipped his woman and himself in their double sleeping bag, she curled into him deep, Ranger arranged himself on their feet, and Johnny Gamble and his woman slept in a tent under the stars.
That night, Daphne Forrester would have said her daughter’s moon was in the fifth house.
And she would have been right.
Johnny sat in the grass by Izzy the next morning while they ate the pancakes he’d made for them over the fire.
She was staring at the fire, quiet.
He kicked her sock-covered foot with his.
She turned her head to him.
“Happy?” he asked.
“I have pancakes and Johnny, you have to ask?” she answered.
He felt his face get lazy and he bent in to kiss her.
When he turned his attention back to his pancakes, she whispered, “It’s just that . . . I was thinking . . . it’s not that I’m sad even though it’s sad but it’s a sad I’m used to. That is, I wanted something for her. Something she didn’t really get. A long stretch of time when she didn’t have to take care of us. Time when she could just be Daphne. Time when me and Addie could worry about the kids in our lives and she could just spoil them. Time when she could find a man and not have to worry about whether or not he wanted a readymade family, just know in her heart that he wanted Daphne. Time to ride my horses and tend her tomatoes. Time to help Addie show Brooks how to be a good man and time to teach my daughters how to make her facials. Time when she could just be happy.”
Johnny didn’t look at her.
But he did tangle one of his legs with hers.
She kept whispering.
“She shouldn’t have looked for the dreamers. She should have found a man who knows all the different types of motor oil.”
Christ, they’d had sex before he made her pancakes and now he needed to fuck her again.
“Iz?” he called.
“Yes, Johnny.”
“So I have the strength to hike outta here, stop being sweet.”
There was a smile in her voice when she said, “Message received, Ghostrider.”
He gave a soft laugh.
“Johnny?” she called.
“Yeah, Iz.”
“Can we come camping again?”