“What does that mean?” Rachel asked.
“Rotten cunt,” P.T. whispered with relish.
“No, no, smelly rotten cunt,” Wye Mun corrected. Everyone roared again, Rachel included.
Recovering herself, Rachel sighed. “I guess I ought to see him.”
Two hours later Rachel and Nick were seated at an umbrella-shaded table by the swimming pool of Villa d’Oro, the sound of trickling gilded fountains punctuating the silence. Rachel gazed at the water ripples reflecting off the gold-and-blue mosaic tiles. She couldn’t bring herself to look at Nick. Strangely, what had been the most beautiful face in the world to her had become too painful to look at. She found herself suddenly mute, not quite knowing how to begin.
Nick swallowed nervously. “I don’t even know how to begin to ask for your forgiveness.”
“There’s nothing to forgive. You weren’t responsible for this.”
“But I am. I’ve had a lot of time to think about it. I put you in one horrendous situation after another. I’m so sorry, Rachel. I’ve been recklessly ignorant about my own family—I had no idea how crazy my mum would get. And I always thought my grandmother wanted me to be happy.”
Rachel stared at the sweaty glass of iced tea in front of her, not saying anything.
“I’m so relieved to see that you’re okay. I’ve been so worried,” Nick said.
“I’ve been well taken care of by the Gohs,” Rachel said simply.
“Yes, I met Peik Lin’s parents earlier. They’re lovely. Neena Goh demanded that I come to dinner. Not tonight, of course, but …”
Rachel gave the barest hint of a smile. “The woman is a feeder, and you look like you’ve lost some weight.” Actually, he looked terrible. She had never seen him like this—he looked like he had slept in his clothes, and his hair had lost its floppy sheen.
“I haven’t been eating much.”
“Your old cook at Tyersall Park hasn’t been preparing all your favorite dishes?” Rachel said a little sarcastically. She knew her pent-up anger was misdirected at Nick, but in the moment she couldn’t help herself. She realized he was as much a victim of circumstances as she was, but she wasn’t able to look past her own pain just yet.
“Actually, I’m not staying at Tyersall Park,” Nick said.
“Oh?”
“I haven’t wanted to see anyone since that night in Cameron Highlands, Rachel.”
“Are you back at the Kingsford Hotel?”
“Colin’s let me crash at his house in Sentosa Cove while he’s away on his honeymoon. He and Araminta have been very worried about you too, you know.”
“How nice of them,” she said flatly, staring out across the pool at the replica of Venus de Milo. An armless statue of a beautiful maiden fought over by collectors for centuries, even though its origins have never been verified. Maybe someone should chop off her arms too. Maybe she would feel better.
Nick reached out and placed his hand over Rachel’s. “Let’s go back to New York. Let’s go home.”
“I’ve been thinking … I need to go to China. I want to meet my father.”
Nick paused. “Are you sure you’re ready for that?”
“Is anyone ever ready to meet the father they never knew, who’s in a prison?”
Nick sighed. “Well, when do we leave?”
“Actually, Peik Lin is coming with me.”
“Oh,” Nick said, a little taken aback. “Can I come? I’d like to be there for you.”
“No, Nick, this is something I need to do on my own. It’s already enough that Peik Lin insisted on coming. But her father has friends in China who are helping with the red tape, so I couldn’t say no. I’ll be in and out within a couple of days, and then I’ll be ready to head back to New York.”
“Well, just let me know when you want to change the return date on our plane tickets. I’m ready to go home anytime, Rachel.”
Rachel inhaled deeply, bracing herself for what she was about to say. “Nick, I need to go back to New York … on my own.”
“On your own?” Nick said in surprise.
“Yes. I don’t need you to cut short your summer vacation and fly back with me.”
“No, no, I’m as sick of this place as you are! I want to go home with you!” Nick insisted.
“That’s the thing, Nick. I don’t think I can deal with that right now.”
Nick looked at her sadly. She was clearly still in a world of pain.
“And when I’m back in New York,” she continued, her voice getting shaky, “I don’t think we should see each other anymore.”
“What? What do you mean?” Nick said in alarm.
“I mean exactly that. I’ll get my things out of your apartment as soon as I get back, and then when you return—”
“Rachel, you’re crazy!” Nick said, leaping out of his chair and crouching down beside her. “Why are you saying all this? I love you. I want to marry you.”
“I love you too,” Rachel cried. “But don’t you see—it’s never going to work.”
“Of course it is. Of course it is! I don’t give a damn what my family thinks—I want to be with you, Rachel.”
Rachel shook her head slowly. “It’s not just your family, Nick. It’s your friends, your childhood friends—it’s everyone on this island.”
“That’s not true, Rachel. My best friends think the world of you. Colin, Mehmet, Alistair, and there are so many friends of mine you haven’t even had the chance to meet. But that’s all beside the point. We live in New York now. Our friends are there, our life is there, and it’s been great. It will continue to be great once we’ve left all this insanity behind.”
“It’s not that simple, Nick. You probably didn’t notice it yourself, but you said ‘we live in New York now.’ But you won’t always be living in New York. You’ll be returning here someday, probably within the next few years. Don’t kid yourself—your whole family is here, your legacy is here.”
“Oh fuck all that! You know I couldn’t care less about that bullshit.”
“That’s what you say now, but don’t you see how things might change in time? Don’t you think you might start to resent me in years to come?”
“I could never resent you, Rachel. You’re the most important person in my life! You have no idea—I’ve barely slept, barely eaten—the past seven days have been absolute hell without you.”
Rachel sighed, clamping her eyes shut for a moment. “I know you’ve been in pain. I don’t want to hurt you, but I think it’s really for the best.”
“To break up? You’re not making any sense, Rachel. I know how much you’re hurting right now, but breaking up won’t make it hurt any less. Let me help you, Rachel. Let me take care of you,” Nick pleaded fervently, hair getting into his eyes.
“What if we have children? Our children will never be accepted by your family.”
“Who cares? We’ll have our own family, our own lives. None of this is significant.”