And yeah, that stung. It stung a lot. So much that I had to suck in a breath and hold it and stare into his eyes because I wouldn’t let myself do any less. I was Bianca. I was The Lazy Baker. And I made my own destiny. I made my own choices.
Maybe some people forgot about me, outgrew me, or never had room for me in the first place.
But I had fucking tried. With all of them. With every single person, I’d put in effort.
And it was by some freaking miracle, my phone rang right then.
I didn’t hesitate. I didn’t wait. I reached into my purse and pulled out my phone, looking at Zac’s thoughtful, disturbed face as I did it. BOOGIE IS MY FAVORITE flashed across the screen, and I met those baby blue eyes as I hit the green icon and pulled the phone to my face.
I had tried with him, with Zac, and I’d take that to the grave with me.
“Hey, Boog,” I answered cautiously, meeting Zac’s gaze head-on.
“B, I’m driving, but I have a quick question for you,” my cousin replied. There was so much background noise, I could tell he was driving. “Do you know any videographers in Austin?”
Relief filled my stomach. I was worried something bad had happened for him to actually call again.
“Um, no. But I know a few people in Houston that could do a great job if they’re willing to drive up there,” I told him. “For what? Your—” I almost choked on the word. I had purposely tried not to think about him getting married since he’d dropped the news on our asses, but being reminded of it—of him marrying someone I had no fondness for even though she was expecting my future niece or nephew, and I realized I needed to get over it—soured my stomach.
But this was my cousin, who was the closest man I had in my life, so I was going to suck all kinds of shit up for him.
Even if a part of me died inside.
This was his life, and he knew what he was doing. Marrying a cheating asshole. A cheating asshole who he’d forgiven.
So.
“For your wedding?” I finally got out.
Either I did a great job hiding the strain in my voice or he was pretending not to hear it. “Yeah, for the wedding.” He said something, but it didn’t sound like it was meant for my ears, and I was pretty sure he was talking to his fiancée. “Let me call around here then, and if I can’t find anybody, I’ll hit you up for those numbers. We called this one company, and they’re already booked that far ahead.”
I caught Zac’s gaze. He was staring at me, his forehead lined, lips pinched tight. “The good ones always are. Let me know though,” I told him.
There was more whispering, then, “Okay, thanks, B.”
I paused. “Hey, did you tell your mom about the baby yet?”
He made a sound that nearly came out as a snort. “Yes. She smacked me upside the head and then gave me a hug. She’s excited.”
“I hope she smacked you hard.”
My cousin snickered. “I bet you do. I’ll text you later, all right?”
“Okay, love you, bye.”
“Love you too. See you,” my cousin said just as Zac held out his hand.
“Uh, wait a second, Boogie,” I muttered before slowly handing my phone over.
Zac took it, meeting my gaze dead-on as he said into the receiver, “Boog? It’s Zac…. Yeah, we’re hangin’ out. I’ve got a question for you that’s buggin’ me. Why didn’t you tell me Peewee lived in Houston?.... What?.... No—” He stopped talking, pulled the phone away from his face, and said, “He hung up on me.”
“Boog hung up on you?”
Those light blue eyes flicked up to mine. “Yeah. He said he wasn’t gettin’ in the middle of this and we both needed to sort it out ourselves and hung up.”
I blinked.
He blinked.
Well.
I guess I should have seen that coming. I couldn’t even say I blamed my cousin. This was between Zac and me, and he didn’t deserve to be caught up in the middle of it more than he already had.
Shit balls.
My hand went to the back of my neck as I looked him in the eye again, resignation pumping through my blood steadily. “Look, Zac, I don’t want to fight with you. That was all a long time ago and—”
Why the hell was he shaking his head?
“What?”
Zac took a step forward, that frown back on his smooth face. “I don’t wanna fight with you either, darlin’, but that’s not what we’re doin’.”
“I was pretty sure that’s what we’d been doing.”
Those tawny eyebrows went up. “No, we were discussin’ what happened.”
“Discussing?”
“Yeah.”
“Zac—”
“Bianca.”
I rubbed at the back of my neck some more. “Look—” I tried again, but again he cut me off as he stepped forward and locked his gaze on mine, face intent.
“Is that why you’ve been actin’ like yourself sometimes and like we’re strangers the rest of the time?” he asked quietly. “Why you didn’t wanna tell me about your Lazy Baker? Why you’ve hardly wanted to tell me anything?”
Acting like myself? What? Joking with him? And did he really need to point out the fact that I had been cagey and he’d noticed? “Is what why?” was what I decided to pick at first.
That cute chin angled upward just a little as he stared at my face way too closely. I had to fight the urge to tuck my hair behind my ear as those light blue eyes roamed over my face like they had been since we’d started seeing each other again. “You thinkin’ I never texted you back.”
My chest hurt.
“Is that why you’re so tense around me, darlin’? Why you’re always sayin’ bye like it’s the last time you’re ever gonna see me?”
He’d noticed that too?
The arched eyebrow he was aiming at me said, “Yeah, I noticed.”
And my face said, “What do you want me to say?”
And there we were. At a standstill. Because I hadn’t done anything wrong, and in his head, the only thing wrong he’d done was forget about me. Eventually. Because he had pretty much sworn he’d texted me and that I hadn’t responded. Because he’d asked about me, supposedly, and no one had given him details.
Yeah, that still stung. Thinking it over and over again didn’t help ease it. Not really.
Not at all.
Zac took a step closer, and I felt something light brush my forearm. “Peewee, I don’t know what the hell happened, but I know there’s no way I wouldn’t have texted you back eventually. And I swear on Paw-Paw’s life, I reached out to you too and never heard back. I thought you were busy, thought you were grievin’ Mama Lupe too since you had moved to be with Connie after you finished school and were settlin’ in. I know I texted you to check in with you. It hurt my feelings real good when I didn’t hear back from you either, kiddo, but I thought maybe you needed some space. Maybe you didn’t want a reminder like me….”
Yeah, it was still stinging.
“But I swear on my Maw-Maw’s grave, maybe I would’ve taken my time if I was busy or somethin’, respondin’ to you, but there’s no goddamn way I would’ve done somethin’ like that for long.”