Jonah’s damn smile grew wider, I just knew it. “That’s awesome. No such thing as too much love.”
Ugh.
“I’d like to spend as much time with her as I can while I’m here.”
While he was here.
“There’s so much I don’t know about babies.” His hand went up to slide over the top of his head, back and forth, from what I could see. “If you could put up with me for a while, I would appreciate it if you taught me everything I’ve missed.” He paused, and I could sense him burning a fucking hole into my face. “I’ve been coached all my life, you know, and I bet you’re good at teaching too.”
I flexed my hands around the steering wheel. Stand strong. I could survive this man and his eternally cheerful attitude and his politeness and his voice and all his smiles. I could.
And that’s why I didn’t say shit.
And Mr. Understanding and Patient didn’t let my negative ass stop his chatter.
“Reckon your grandfather could show me too if he ever stops hating me,” Jonah finished brightly.
My nose betrayed me with a snort. “Yeah, even if he didn’t hate you, you wouldn’t want him to show you how to do anything, trust me.”
“Is it that bad?”
I snorted again even though I didn’t want to. “The worst. When I was a kid, he tried to….” What the fuck was I doing? I shut up.
Out of the corner of my eye I could see him shift that big body in his seat as much as he could in my small SUV. “Lenny, you can tell me anything you want, you know.”
How could I tell him that I didn’t want to? Well, easily, that’s how, but…
Through the rearview mirror, I glanced at the car seat.
That was the relationship that really mattered, even if it hurt me a little to settle for it. She was more important than me and my feelings.
“Anyway, you’re right. It’s not that hard taking care of her. But it is scary. I still am, scared I mean, but not about the same things. Like not holding her head and neck correctly or holding her too tight or not feeding her enough. But I’ll show you what I know. If you want to learn.”
The Asshole didn’t waste a second. “I want to.”
I squeezed the steering wheel again, trying to find the right words. “Okay. You’d just have to… put up with me until you’re comfortable enough to be around her by yourself.”
He made a soft sound with his nose. “That wouldn’t exactly be a hardship, would it?” he replied. “Cheers for offering, Len. I accept.”
I should probably call Noah back so he could piss me off and remind me of what a douchebag was. That would be exactly what I would need to keep this meh-train going with Jonah. I was the conductor, and I wasn’t ready to retire.
I cast another glance at that handsome-as-hell face beside me and kept my damn mouth closed.
That big body shifted in the seat again, legs and shoulders moving one way and then the other. Then he went for it. “Are you seeing anyone?” he asked like he wanted to know what fucking time it was.
I didn’t see how that was any of his business but… fine. I guess it kind of was. I’d want to make sure, if he was in a relationship, that the woman wasn’t some kind of psycho. And if my chest felt a little weird at the idea of him being in a relationship with someone, I wasn’t going to linger on it. I hadn’t looked at his Picturegram account in forever, and I wasn’t about to start now. Maybe there was someone. Maybe there wasn’t.
I wondered then if he’d taken down the two pictures of us he’d put up there so long ago. One had been of us at Versailles, the first day we’d met. It had surprised the hell out of me when he’d shown me he’d posted it, hours after meeting. He’d started following me immediately after.
The second picture had been of us at Sacré-Coeur with the city sprawled out behind us on a beautiful day. I had really liked that picture. That one had been taken a month before his injury.
“No,” I answered him, ignoring the tingle in my stomach that felt an awful lot like disgust. “Are you?”
The second it took him to answer felt like it weighed a thousand pounds.
“No, there’s no one,” he replied slowly. There was another pause. “There hasn’t been.”
Hasn’t been? Since when? Last week? Last month? Six months ago?
It was none of my fucking business. I wasn’t going to ask, and I wasn’t going to look to find out either.
I kept my eyes forward as I said, “Okay.” I tried to make the feeling that had moved from my stomach to my chest go away, but it didn’t want to go anywhere. It was going to happen. The dating. I was thirty-one. He was thirty. Now or never. “We should probably talk about that then while we’re on the topic, so we know what to do if—when—the situation rises. You know, when I decide to start dating again—“ His head swiveled toward me, but I didn’t see what his expression was because I didn’t look at him. “—or when you do, so that way we’re on the same page. I think it might be best to wait to introduce new people into Mo’s life until we’re sure that they’re going to be around.”
His “all right” took a moment or ten longer than I would have expected. And it sounded a lot rougher than it needed to as well. It came out hesitantly, if I wasn’t imagining it.
My hand shot out before I could think twice about it. “You sure? Deal?”
That big hand that was a lot more calloused than I remembered, settled over mine before I had a chance to take it back, his fingers sliding over my own, giving them and my palm a warm squeeze that lingered longer than necessary.
Well, I’d been doing that for a low-five, but… okay. That seemed even more permanent. All right.
I wouldn’t be doing that again anytime soon.
I swallowed and pulled my hand away, returning it to the steering wheel.
We had a whole lot more to settle, but suddenly, I really didn’t feel like asking any more of the hundred questions we had to discuss. Not when we were so close to Maio House, and I was still unsure what the hell my gramps’s weird call had been all about. Luckily, in no time at all, I was steering the car into one of the three reserved spots—one for Peter, Grandpa Gus, and myself.
As I was putting the car into park, I asked, “Do you want to come inside?” Then immediately fucking regretted it.
Shit. I imagined the looks the assholes inside were going to be giving if and when he came in with Mo and me. As soon as I thought that, I wanted to punch myself.
What the hell was I doing? Worrying about what they would think or say? They could all suck it. I wasn’t hiding anything.
“It might be a while,” I let him know, irritated with myself for worrying over what other people would think or say if I walked in with him.
He was Mo’s dad.
And he might be a dipshit, but it wasn’t like anyone else knew that.
Fuck it. They could think whatever they wanted to think. It was more than likely going to be true anyway.
Oblivious, Jonah nodded as he unbuckled his seat belt, reaching for the door with his other hand.
I got Mo out, Jonah grabbing the diaper backpack in the process. But it was just as I was standing straight again that I realized what was happening. I held Mo out to him and raised my eyebrows. “Take her. The more you hold her, the more comfortable you’ll feel with her.”