“You were with some great guys,” Virginia said. “They looked great on your social media, anyway.”
“Isn’t that what social media is for?” Caroline had met some good guys. Just not the guy. There was Kerwyn—Welsh-born, ironic, and darkly handsome. When they first got together, she couldn’t stop daydreaming about him and even found herself thinking she’d found something lasting. In time, though, she realized he rarely made her a priority. She’d been a mere convenience to him, an afterthought. And it wasn’t enough for her. She wanted to be someone’s whole world, an admittedly idealistic notion that had driven him away. After that, the pendulum swung the other way. Her next prospect, Brent, had been too into her. At first she’d enjoyed the attention, but after a while, she felt smothered and called an end to it. Most recently, she’d gone out with Miles, who was funny, charming, and good in bed—but they were moving through life at different speeds. She was in the fast lane, and he was in the no-go lane, drifting from job to job with very little purpose.
After three near misses, she couldn’t help but think the problem might be with her. Did she not know how to be in love? How to stay that way, nurturing a relationship along in all its sustaining, exhilarating passion and delight?
Maybe she expected too much, dreaming of something that was ultimately unreachable. Long ago, there had been one moment when love was defined for her, and perhaps to the detriment of all future relationships, she could not forget that moment.
Ultimately she surrendered to reality. Her primary relationship was not with a man, but with her career. That was a relationship she could control. One that wouldn't be destroyed by someone else’s priorities—or so she thought. Then Mick Taylor came along and ruined that for her, too.
“The New York fashion world isn’t known to be a great dating pool,” she told her family. “It hardly matters now. I’m single and in charge of two kids. Single and unemployed. Not exactly man-bait, you know?”
Virginia slid her a glance. “Actually, some guys are drawn to women with kids.”
“Hey.” She leaned across the arm of her chair. It was a relief to shift the topic away from the giant mess she was in. “You’re seeing someone, aren’t you?”
“If by seeing you mean dating, and if by someone you mean a few yummy men, then yes. I’m seeing several someones. And believe me, having a kid does not deter the right kind of guy.”
“Well. That’s good to know. Anyone special?”
Virginia shook her head. “For the time being, dipping my toe into the dating pool is a low-stakes game, because I’m completely unprepared for anything more. Meeting new guys is just a distraction. Something to do when Fern has to go to her dad and Amanda’s.”
“Jesus, you mean Dave’s already with that woman? He couldn’t wait until the ink dried on your divorce papers?” Caroline was outraged on her sister’s behalf. “God, he sucks so bad. Why didn’t I know about this?”
“Didn’t seem very sisterly to pile my troubles on top of yours. And frankly, I hate the story I’ve been living. Turns out my ‘perfect’ husband pulled the oldest trick in the book. He took up with an associate at the law firm, plotted a slick exit, and brought my life to a screeching halt. She’s awful, too—one of those phony Christians who claimed she was ‘saving herself for marriage.’”
“I guess you should have asked whose marriage,” Caroline said. “She ought to be ashamed, but apparently she’s shameless, targeting a married man with a kid. Vee, I wish I’d been a better sister. You didn’t do anything to deserve this, and I’m really sorry it’s happening. What can I do?”
“I’ll fill you in on all the gory details eventually.” The flames painted her beautiful face with exhaustion. “Believe me, they are gory.”
Caroline stabbed a dry stick into the fire. “Okay, it’s official. I’m never going to look at a man. Ever.”
“Famous last words.”
“Speaking of last.” She downed the rest of her wine. “I saw Will Jensen,” she said. Not exactly a safe topic, but the wine was melting her reserve.
Virginia sat forward. “Already?”
“He was at the Bait & Switch early this morning when I rolled into town. Out running with a group of kids.”
“He does that,” she said with a nod. “High school coach. And?”
“And nothing.” Yet a sudden strange flutter in her gut didn’t feel like nothing. “The kids were having a meltdown, so I pulled over at the store, and he helped me out.”
“And?” Virginia persisted.
He looked wonderful, Caroline thought. He looked like the reason she hadn’t had a sustainable relationship with anyone in a decade. “You tell me. I saw him for like two minutes at six in the morning.”
“He and Sierra moved to the old Jensen place on the bay.”
“I’m sure you’ll get a chance to catch up with Sierra,” said Mom. “That will be nice. You girls used to be so close.”
Nice—like hitting herself in the head with a hammer? She and Sierra had been best friends growing up. There had been a time when they’d harbored no secrets between them. When they’d shared everything, even—
“Will whipped the football team into fine shape,” said Jackson. “Best thing that ever happened to the Peninsula Mariners.” He looked at his watch. “And this Mariner is heading off to bed.”
“Huh,” Virginia teased. “I bet you have a hot date.”
“I’m in the middle of reading a hot new novel.”
“Jealous,” Caroline said, standing up and giving him a hug. “I’ve gone to sleep every night reading The Pout-Pout Fish and The Emperor’s New Clothes.”
“Good choice for a designer,” Virginia said.
“Really? Because the point is, the emperor is naked.”
“Wait until you see what they’ve done to the town library,” Mom said. “It’s doubled in size. There’s a story hour every day. Your kids will love that.”
They’re not my kids, thought Caroline.
Oh, but they were.
Caroline crawled into bed in the room that used to belong to Georgia. The settling sounds of the old wooden house and the murmur of the surf in the distance were the lullaby of her childhood.
There was a quality of sleep that happened only here at home. Surrounded by the cocoon of warmth imparted by a quilt softened by years, Caroline surrendered to a sense of utter security. Whether warranted or not, being here in the place where she had grown up felt safe—a feeling she had not experienced in a very long time. She slipped deeper into the crisp, sun-scented bed linens and released a sigh of relief.
This reprieve from worry was only temporary. She knew that. Her problems, like her new life, were just getting started. She had to make a new plan, not just for herself but now for the two children who had become her responsibility. She had no idea where to start.
Start here, she thought. Start now.
Her family had gathered around with soothing noises and gratifying reassurances. But coming back here felt like a step backward.
Later, she thought, tucking her arm around the freshly laundered pillowcase. I’ll figure things out later. For the moment, she snuggled into the comfort of a familiar bed. Finally, she was about to get a good night’s sleep. She was floating toward sweet oblivion when she heard a little blip of distress.
No, it was just her imagination.
Another blip, followed by a sniff.
Caroline blinked into the darkness. “Addie?” she whispered.
Two small silhouettes were framed in the doorway.
“We can’t sleep.”
Great.
“Of course you can sleep,” she said. “You’ve been sleeping like champs at every hotel we stayed at.”
“Because you were in the room with us,” Flick said.
“I never realized my presence was a sleep aid.”
“We’re all alone here,” Addie said, her small voice quavering. She clutched Wonder Woman to her chest.
Caroline gritted her teeth. At the same time, something different stirred inside her. She’d never been anyone’s sleep aid before. “I thought you’d be excited to have a room all to yourself.”
Silence for several beats.
“We don’t want to be all by ourselves,” Flick said.
She hadn’t minded sharing the motel rooms with them. She’d grown used to their soft sighs and occasional whimpers. “Listen. I’m super tired, too tired to argue with you. So I’ll make you a deal. You can sleep in here tonight because it’s your first night. Starting tomorrow, you sleep in your bed all night every night.”
The kids looked at each other. Then back at Caroline. With an elongated sigh, she lifted the blanket. They snuggled in like puppies, rustling a bit and then settling down, nestled close against her.
Caroline turned out the light.
Chapter 8