As he walks away, I look up at the moon and can’t help but wonder if he’s looking at it too.
Aiden startles me. “So now you’re kissing Jake too?”
“What? Oh, no. We were practicing for the play. If you saw us kiss, you must have seen him propose.”
“I did. Just didn’t love the kiss.”
I hang my head. “He says since I broke up with Dawson, I’m not as believable. That it’s like I don’t believe in love anymore.”
Aiden cocks his head. “Do you?”
I look back at the moon. “I want to.”
Pressley helps me get Embry cleaned up and they both quickly fall asleep on the floor.
I think about what Jake said about not letting my real life get in the way of my dreams.
I think about Vincent.
About how he’s keeping me away from my family. Away from my life.
As I stare at the stars glowing on my ceiling, Aiden’s quote pops into my head.
“The heart has its reasons which reason knows nothing of.”
The heart has its reasons.
Does my heart have reasons?
And, if so, how can I reason with my heart?
Or is that the point?
Reason and thinking shouldn’t play a part in what your heart feels?
But how can it not? We have to protect ourselves. Protect our hearts.
Don’t we?
Isn’t that what Mom told me? Don’t give away your heart easily.
Although, in that case, I think she was referring to my body more than my heart.
“The heart has its reasons which reason knows nothing of.”
So, reason can’t be a part of love.
You just have to feel it.
Like Jake made me do tonight.
I think.
Sunday, October 23rd
A target date.
7:30am
Annie barges into our room, deftly leaps over the still-sleeping girls, and jumps on my bed. “I need to talk to you.”
“You’re really nervous about your parent’s party today, aren’t you?”
“I was, but now I’m kind of freaking out about something else.”
“What?”
“We set a target date.”
“A target date?”
“The date we’re going to have sex.”
“Oh.”
“Oh, gosh. That doesn’t sound very romantic, does it?”
“No, it doesn’t. Did he say that?”
“No! I just mean we decided the day that we’re going to do it. It’ll be after Winter Formal. We’ll be all dressed up. We’ll dance all night. Go to a hotel.”
“When is Winter Formal?”
“It’s in December.”
“So are you freaking out because that’s too soon?”
She clasps her hands together and confesses, “Fine. Last night, we almost did it. Like it was right there. He had a condom. I told him I wanted to.” She unclasps her hands and covers her face. “He said no!”
“He did?”
“Yes. And I started crying. Like, I bawled.”
“What did he do?”
“He got dressed, said he was sorry, gave me an awkward hug, and left. It was so embarrassing. And now I’m supposed to take him home with me!?”
“Has he texted you or anything?”
“No!” She starts crying. “We talk about our future all the time. We’ve named our children. Decided on our careers. Planned out college.”
“What was the situation?”
“What do you mean? We were in my room, basically naked. I still can’t believe I’ve even let him see me naked. Well, in-the-dark naked.”
“Do you think that’s why he said no?”
“Because the lights weren’t on?”
“No, silly. You’ve been telling him that you want to wait. Maybe he wanted to mess around but not do it. Maybe the fact that you wanted to do it surprised him and he was afraid you’d regret it.”
“It was that damn Gods of Olympus costume. He looked so hot all day.”
Her phone buzzes in her hand. She drops it on the bed and closes her eyes. “You look.”
I read his text to her.
Ace<3MySexyBaby: I’m sorry I made you cry last night. I wanted to. God, I wanted to. But it will be your first time. I want it to be special not just some dorm thing. That’s why I thought we should at least wait until Winter Formal. Are you mad at me? Do you still want me to go today?
She cries harder now. I’m pretty sure they are tears of relief.
“You’re really lucky he cares so much about you, Annie. Don’t be mad at him.”
Her hands shake. “Type for me.”
I take the phone out of her hands. “What do you want to say?”
“Say, I want you to go today more than anything.”
Ace<3MySexyBaby: I can’t wait to meet your family. And I’m glad we haven’t yet. I want to be able to look your dad in the eye.
Annie smiles and holds the phone to her chest. “I’m so in love with him.”
I give her a hug. “And I’m so happy for you.”
“You’re not trying to talk me out of it.”
“Annie, that decision is so personal. You have to go with what you know. What you feel. I can tell that you know it’s right.”
“It is. It just is. Okay, so I need to go get ready. We’re supposed to leave in like an hour.”
“Have fun today. And don’t worry. Your parents will love him.”
She bounds quietly out of the room.
I check my own phone, smiling when I see a late night text from Aiden.
Hottie God: Le coeur a ses raisons que la raison ne connaît point.
Aww, how cute is that? It’s the quote he said last night, only in French. I want to hear him say it to me. So I figure, what the heck. I’ll call him.
He answers with, “Boots, you’re up early.” His voice is deep and gravely. I think I woke him up.
“Say it to me.”
“Say what?”
“The quote in French. The text you sent me last night.”
“You do realize I cut and pasted it from the internet?”
“Just try, please?”
“Les co-oer a sesh raisins cue la raisins ne con not point.”
It’s so cute. Having Aiden butcher the French language is seriously the most adorable thing.
“That was bad, wasn’t it?” he says. “You say it.”
“Le coeur a ses raisons que la raison ne connaît point.”
“It sounds prettier when you say it. I guess that’s not that much of a surprise, since you’re a lot prettier than me.”
I blush. Sitting in my bed, all by myself, I blush.
I can barely talk, I’m smiling so big. “You’re going to learn to speak it pretty too. I love when you speak French to me. It’s a sexy language.”
“Just another motivation for me to learn. I had fun yesterday. Not so much at the party, but . . .”
“Yeah, me either. Okay, so I have to get to rehearsal.”
“And I have to get back to sleep. See you later, Boots.”
Dawson: So what happened last night after I left? Were you with Aiden? I hate this.
Me: I dealt with the girls. And I hate it too. I was happy with you. But then . . .
Dawson: I fucked it all up.
Me: Kinda, yeah . . .
Dawson: So are we still gonna, um, just kiss?
Me: Do you still want to?
Dawson: You know the answer to that.
Me: You seemed mad at me last night.
Dawson: Seeing Aiden almost kiss you pissed me off. But I do appreciate you taking care of Braxton, even though I didn’t really act like it. Wanna come over? We can have breakfast in bed.
Me: Do you have food in your bed?
Dawson: No.
Me: I didn’t think so. I have rehearsal then I’m meeting your brothers and Dallas for coffee.
Dawson: Can I come too?
Me: Sure.
Step up my game.
11:30am
After practice, I head over to the boys’ dorm. The second I walk in, Dawson scoops me up and pulls me onto the bed with him. But Dallas sits in front of the bed, like usual, so I massage his shoulders while we talk.
Dawson turns to Braxton, who is looking miserable, and says loudly. “Braxton, little bro! How you feeling this morning?!”
“Horrible, thanks.”
“So did you enjoy your first Eastbrooke party, or what?”
Braxton shakes his head. “No. Miss Bossy Pants wouldn’t let me hook up with anyone. It was lame.”
I raise my eyebrows at him. “Then I guess you . . .”
“But super fun,” he interrupts me. “Except for the whole puking incident.”
“Thank god Jake was there.”
“Yeah, what’s up with you and Jake. You fucking him too?”
“Braxton! No, I’m not. He’s my friend.”
“Looked like more than that to me. Looks like you have some competition, bro. First Aiden made her a sunset. Then Jake went all knight in shining armor. You’re gonna have to step up your game.”
“How do you even know that?”
“You told Pressley. She told me.”
“A sunset?” Riley asks.
“It was a drawing on the wall.”
“Guess I do need to step up my game,” Dawson says.
“Why? You pretty much told me the other night that we’re just friends with benefits.”
“You know we’re more than that.” He moves to a sitting position on the bed and puts his hands on my shoulders. “You always massage everyone else. Do you want me to massage you?”
“You know what I really want? I want the school to install a bathtub in my room. Do you know how much I miss taking baths? I had a huge tub at home and all sorts of different bubble baths and oils. I miss that so much.”
“Yeah, sometimes you have to lose something to realize how important it is,” Dawson says, getting off the bed and pulling me with him. “Come with me.”
Shit. He’s going to take me to his room. I look to Riley and Dallas, hoping they will say something, like I can’t leave, but they both grin at me.
They are so unhelpful. “See if I ever rub your backs again,” I tell them as Dawson drags me out of the room.
Riley says, “See ya, baby.”
I try to think of another reason why I can’t go to his room. “I, er, I have to go say goodbye to my student and then work on the Greek weekend clean up.”
“When?”
I glance at my phone. “Five minutes.”
“I’ll take that.”
He pulls me toward his room. I don’t know what to do. I’m not a very good dieter. I have no will power.
When we get in his room, he points to his bed and says, “Sit.”
“I’m not a dog, Dawson.”
He tackles me. “Fine, you can lie down, then.”
Shit.
“Dawson, I can’t. Not right now.”
“I want to talk to you.”
“About what?”
“Last night sucked for me.”
“I’m sorry.”
“I know you think he’s wooing you, but you know his player past. Guys do that stuff to get in a girl’s pants.”
“I gotta go, Dawson.”
Blindfolded.
4:30pm
The prospective students have been picked up. The Greek weekend has been cleaned up. Now, I’m on my way to a mandatory dance meeting. Something about a big school rivalry game that’s coming up.
Then I’m supposed to do dinner and tutoring with Aiden.
But I’ve been worrying all day about what Dawson said. Especially after seeing Chelsea’s body language last night. Did he tell her the things he’s been telling me? Is that why she was upset?
I walk into the field house and head toward the dance room.
“Keatie,” I hear.
I turn around and see Dawson peeking around a corner.
“Hey.”
He stalks up to me and grabs my hand. “I’m kidnapping you.”
“Dawson, I have to go to this meeting, or I’ll get a demerit.”
“Have you gotten any demerits yet?”
“Uh, no.”
“Then you have a few to spare. Come on, we’re going out the back.”
He pulls me down the hall, around the weight room, drags me into the boys locker room, and out the side door.
“Where are we going?”
“I’m not telling.”
I pull back on his strong hand.
“Fine. Maybe I just decided I’m not giving up without a fight.
He picks me up, throws me over his shoulder, and runs with me across the football field and out to the parking lot.
He leans me up against his car, says, “Mhmmm, this feels familiar,” pulls me in tight, and kisses me deeply.
While he signs us out, I hit the right buttons on my phone so no one will think I actually was kidnapped.
After driving off campus, he pulls over, grabs a blindfold out of his pocket, and wraps it over my eyes.
“Dawson, what are you doing?”
“If I tell you, I’ll have to kill you.”
“Very funny.”
“Well, maybe I’ll just have to torture you until you cave.”
“Cave about what?”
“I want you to wear my jersey for the Compass Cup game. All the seniors ask someone to wear their jersey, and I want you to wear mine.”
“Is that the rivalry game that’s coming up?”
“Yeah. The Westfield Cheetahs versus the Eastbrooke Cougars. Everyone calls it the Pussy Bowl though.”