But that was before Lena had seen an ultrasound of her own baby. Everything had changed two days ago. She couldn’t understand it. How had that tiny, pulsing little bean opened up such a large space in her heart?
And how had it made Lena love Jared so much? She couldn’t explain the shift. Loving Jared was nothing new, but the sudden depth of her feeling was terrifying. Lena had never felt this way about a man before. She was completely out of control, incapable of hiding her vulnerabilities. At night, she clung to him. During the day, she couldn’t stop touching him. At first, Jared had been mildly annoyed. He generally wasn’t up for touching unless it led to something, but he’d become more receptive over the last few weeks. There had to be some hormone Lena was giving off. Even the guys at work were looking at her differently.
Work.
Lena couldn’t think about what would happen when she started to show. Not that she wasn’t already. They probably just thought she was getting fat—which she was. Her pants cut into her waist. She spilled out of her bra. Jared was ecstatic about this particular development. All Lena could think was that there was no way she could chase after some thug with her breasts flopping around. In a few months, she’d probably end up stuck behind a desk. She’d be doing paperwork and following up on witness statements while everyone else had all the fun. Was it worth it?
Lena looked down at the ultrasound. She touched the tiny little bean resting in white crescent arms. Of course it was worth it.
Her phone vibrated in her jacket pocket. Denise Branson. She was probably pacing the station house waiting for news.
Lena said, “What’s up, D?”
“Any news?”
Lena looked at the time. She should head back to the van. “He’s got another thirty minutes, but he’s always late.”
“I’m already pushing back a meeting,” Denise said. “You know it’s both our asses on the line now.”
“I know.” Lena reluctantly pushed herself up from the bench. “I appreciate it.”
“Listen.” Denise seemed eager to move on. “I got another piece of the Big Whitey puzzle.”
“Denise—”
“Just hear me out like I do with you, okay?” Lena owed her that much. “Okay.”
“I found an article in the Savannah Tribune. Eighteen months ago, two white girls showed up dead behind a church. Runaways from good homes. Heroin overdoses, both of them. From honor students to stone-cold junkies in less than a month. The needles were still in their arms. That sound familiar?”
“Honor students OD on heroin all the time,” Lena told her. “I could find a hundred other cases on the same day. Maybe thousands.”
“It’s just like what happened here.”
There was no use arguing. “Denise, I’m saying this as a friend. You’re obsessed with this. You’re too close.”
“So what if I am?”
Lena shook her head as she made her way back across the parking lot. Only in law enforcement was obsession considered an asset.
Denise said, “You’re obsessed with Sid Waller.”
“And I’m about to bust him,” Lena countered. “I’ve got a case. I’ve got a witness. I’ve got leads, photos, timelines. All you’ve got is a ghost.”
“You start out with all of that or did you put it together?”
Lena didn’t want to admit she had a point. Before Mr. Snitch magically appeared, Denise could’ve been asking Lena the same questions about Waller. But she hadn’t. She’d given Lena the support and time to do what she needed to do. “Did you track down that law firm?”
“I’m working on it. There’s some kind of connection there.”
“If you’re right, then maybe we can help each other out. Sid Waller’s the big man on campus. Once we take him down, he can give us Big Whitey.”
Denise huffed a laugh. “You think Sid Waller’s gonna turn? He’s got just as much juice inside the joint as he does out.”
She was right. The gangs ran the prisons and Waller would be a top dog. Still, she said, “It could happen.”
“I’m not giving Waller any deals. He can rot away his sick ass in jail. I can get Big Whitey on my own.”
Lena realized her fist was stuck in her back, just like the other pregnant woman. She dropped her hand. “All right. If you think you can put together a case, then you should get help. This is too big for one person. Two, if you count me, because you know I’m there for you.”
Denise snorted. “You know I’m off-book. How am I gonna go to Lonnie for help when he told me to shut this down months ago? He’s not gonna spend one dime of department money on Big Whitey. At least not until it’s too late.”
She was right again. By budgetary necessity, police forces were more reactive than preventative these days.
Lena had an idea. “I know somebody with the state who can give us a hand.”
“I can’t jump over Lonnie’s head.”
“I know that,” Lena said. Gray was relatively new to Macon, but he’d spent the past fifteen years heading up forces all around the state. They both respected him too much to stab him in the back. Not to mention that when push came to shove, Gray could twist that knife right back in theirs. “You could reach out informally. I know an agent who’s discreet.” She didn’t mention that the man had investigated her almost two years ago. “He’s a cop, but he doesn’t act like one. He’ll give you the support you need. At the very least, he can help you put together some of these pieces.”
“You think I’m gonna let the GBI come stomping onto my turf and taking credit?” She gave a harsh laugh. “You know how many hours I’ve put into this? How many miles on my car? How many sleepless nights? I’ve got blood in this fight, Lee. I’m not going to let go of it now.”
Lena recognized the righteous indignation in her tone. Five years ago, Lena would’ve been saying the same thing, sounding the same way. She’d been so sure of herself before Jeffrey died. She was the one who was always right. She didn’t need help. She didn’t need some asshole trying to grab credit. Lena had taken on the world single-handedly every day—right up until the world knocked her flat on her ass.
Denise said, “If you’d talked to that girl, listened to her mama, then you’d feel the same way as me.”
“I know,” Lena said. She was glad she hadn’t spoken with either of them, otherwise she probably would’ve been sucked in right along with Denise. “You work the case. You don’t let the case work you.”
“What does that mean?” Denise shot back.
“This ghost you’re chasing—it’s affecting your life.”
“In what way?”
Lena didn’t answer. Denise wanted some bowling pins she could knock down. Lena knew from experience that the job wasn’t kind to lonely women. It could make you too driven. Too hard. It could scare people away from you.
Having Jared in her life had changed that for Lena. He’d shouldered some of the burden. He’d made her feel like it was okay to let go.
And then there was the baby. Lena put her hand to her stomach. Her face felt hot. An idiotic grin spread across her mouth. It was the hormones. She was glad she wasn’t in the van with Paul and DeShawn. She was probably fucking glowing.