It was like looking at Zadie, but not. I started at the top. Sami was right; my eyes were a bit narrower. My nose was straight and even, almost exactly the same as Zadie’s, but perhaps her nostrils were a bit rounder. And my lips were full and pink, just like Zadie’s, though I thought the bow in her upper lip might be more pronounced.
I gasped when I realized my eyes had drifted right past my scar.
Nemea laughed as my fingers flew to my cheek. The stain came away immediately. I turned back to her. “It doesn’t stay?”
“It should last for the better part of a day, but it takes a few minutes to set. And it will come off after a quarter of an hour in water. It’s the best I can do in such a short amount of time.”
Tears pricked at the corners of my eyes. “Why didn’t you give me this sooner?”
Her ancient face appeared next to mine in the mirror. “To what end, child? Hiding our scars doesn’t mean they’re not there. Just as beauty cannot disguise who we really are beneath the surface.”
Our eyes met in our shared reflection. Hers were cloud gray, while Zadie and I shared our mother’s golden-hued eyes. Like honey, Sami once said, though neither of us had ever seen it. He described it as “something insects make,” and we had both assumed it was an insult.
“Does this mean I’m going to Ilara?” I asked.
“Yes.”
I whirled around to face her, but I was unable to form words. She smiled and patted my shoulder. “Now, girl, you should go home and prepare for your journey. Ilara is five days by coach, and you will be sick for much of it.”
I blinked at her. I’d never been sick since the incident, other than from the blood coral poisoning itself. “Why?”
“You’ve never been on land before. Everything will be a shock to your system, not least the food. Even the air is different, so they say. And you will be cold, though the guards will bring proper clothing for you.”
I thought of Sami’s cloak. Would it be mine now? Would all the beautiful fabrics in Zadie’s trunk, the strand of pearls, the comb, belong to me, as well? Or was I to have none of the luxuries granted to my sister? And what would poor Alys think of all this, when she learned that she had lost the crown first to Zadie, and now to me?
“What if the king discovers what we’ve done?” I whispered fearfully. “Will he punish everyone here?”
Nemea lifted one bony shoulder. “Yes. Although at this rate, we’ll all be dead of starvation in another five years anyway. The question the king should ask himself is, without us, who will fetch his precious pearls?”
My breath caught. No adult had ever admitted how bad things were to me before or pointed out the king’s dependence on us in such stark terms.
“Why doesn’t Governor Kristos stand up to the Ilareans?” I asked. “Why don’t the elders?”
“Revolution is for the young, child. Besides, what can any of us do from here? If we withhold the pearls, the king will withhold everything else. If we are caught trying to go ashore, we will be killed.” She handed me the jar of stain. “Go on, then. Go home to your family. The other elders will have told them the news by now, and I imagine you’ll want to spend as much time with your sister as possible.”
As I walked toward the door, her words echoed in my head. What could anyone do from here?
“What about me?” I asked, turning back toward her.
Nemea eyed me curiously. “What about you, child?”
“I’ll be there at the castle. I will have the king’s ear. If I tell him how desperate we are, how without more food and water, there will be no one left to dive for the pearls... He’ll have to do something. Won’t he?”
She raised the same shoulder in a half shrug. “Perhaps he will, perhaps he won’t,” she said. But this time, she was smiling.
* * *
I didn’t sleep that night. I doubted anyone in my family did, though aside from Zadie’s whimpers, it was quiet. I held her hand through the long hours, telling her it would all be fine, that she and Sami would marry and bear lots of beautiful babies, though I don’t know if she believed me.
While my mouth spoke of Zadie and her life here in Varenia, my mind was far away. I remembered my prayer to Thalos the night of the dinner at Governor Kristos’s house, after I’d met Talin. I had asked him to send me in Zadie’s place, to save her from the fate she didn’t want.
But though I had made the prayer on Zadie’s behalf, I couldn’t deny that there had been a selfish undercurrent to my words. I didn’t want to stay in Varenia and marry Sami any more than Zadie wanted to leave. I couldn’t spend my life wondering if my husband was thinking of someone else every time he looked at me. I didn’t want to stare at the same horizon, eat the same food, or see the same people for the next hundred years.
Had I caused this somehow? Was Thalos punishing me for being so wicked? Yes, I wanted to leave Varenia, but if I had known this would be the cost, I never would have asked for it.
I rose from our bed when I could see the blue of the water through the cracks in our floorboards. Today was my last full day in Varenia. Tomorrow morning Governor Kristos and Sami would row me to shore, where the captain of the king’s guard would wade out to meet me himself.
Father was responsible for explaining all of this, as Mother still would not speak to me. “If the captain does not believe you are Zadie, I don’t know what will become of you,” he said.
A chill ran over my scalp, but I nodded. “I understand.”
“You should go, enjoy your last day here.”
“I don’t think I can enjoy anything with Zadie so sick and Mother so angry,” I said.
He let me lean against his chest. “Your sister will heal. Your mother will forgive you.”
“Not before tomorrow.”
“No, I suppose not. But all will be well again one day.”
I would never see that day. I would never see any of them again.
“Go and find Sami,” Father said. “See if he has convinced Kristos to let him marry Zadie. My friend is a good man, and I believe he will make the right decision.”
I wiped the corners of my eyes with my tunic. “Yes, Father.”
I checked on Zadie again before I left and found her being tended by Mother. Satisfied that she would be well looked after, I jumped off our balcony into the water. I could have taken the boat, but I preferred to swim today. It wasn’t far to Sami’s house, and who knew how long it would be until I saw the ocean again. Perhaps forever.
Sami was sitting on the dock outside his house when I arrived.