So even though I’ve never told anyone, I rip open those old wounds, the ones that poisoned me, just so she might understand. “My mother was a junkie too.”
She turns her head and looks at me, her dark eyes glistening with tears. Reaching up, I wipe one away and taste it on my thumb. “She cared as long as she could use me. Drug mule, runner, even tried to sell me once. But still I loved her. I got taken away from her a lot, put into homes. But I was what they called a troubled youth. I loved her so much, she was my mother. I always ran away and went back. But it meant back to that life, the life that got me locked in juvie for a while.”
Her eyes watch me intently as I turn and lay my head on my arm, my other hand reaching for her. She doesn’t stop me this time as I run it up and down her thigh. “When I got out, for GBH, she was dead.”
She gasps. “How?”
My lips purse as I try to push back the rage to speak. “Murdered. I figured out she owed a seller too much money, and couldn’t pay it back, so he called on her. Beat her to within an inch of her life, and while she was still alive, burned down the house with her in it. I got there right after. I tried to get in, to get to her, the smoke choking me. The flames burning me.” I hold up my hands, flipping them to show her the burns on my palms. “I couldn’t, I could hear her screaming though. Despite all the times she had let me down, she was still my mother. For all her faults, I loved her with every fibre of my being, she was my obsession. My only family.”
“Diesel,” she whispers.
“I chased him down, you know? I was so angry that night, watching the flames swallow her, that I finally let go. I’d held back for so long, pushing away my anger, all the darkness writhing within me. That night I stopped fighting it, I let it consume me. I hunted him across the city.”
“How old were you?” she asks.
“Seventeen. I found him, knocked him out, and dragged him to an old, abandoned warehouse. When he woke up, I made him pay. Repeatedly. I let everything out on him, and for the first time, I knew what it felt like to be free. To be me. To feel bones crack under my hands and blood spray across me, but it wasn’t enough, I needed him to feel the same pain she did. So I doused him and set him on fire and watched…and guess what? It still wasn’t enough. I wanted more, like that fire, I needed more. I’m fucked up, I’m crazy, I know it. Never thought I would find a place to fit in, then I found these guys and they are just as fucked up as I am, though they hide it better. We all know what it means to be lost, to be alone, Little Bird, but together? Together, we’re stronger. We shed that life, like a snake sheds its skin—”
“And became the Vipers,” she finishes, sighing. “Fuck, why did you tell me? It makes it harder to hate you.”
“Because you really don’t hate us, and you’re looking for reasons not to. There’s one. Yes, I’m a monster, Little Bird. I love people’s pain, I love my job, I enjoy killing people and making them suffer. I love protecting my family, and I do it all for them…and now you.”
“Me? You barely know me,” she murmurs.
“I know enough. You are one of us now. I will protect you like them, you entered a den of vipers, Little Bird. You choose whether to remain as our prey or shed and become a predator. Choose wisely. Not everyone is invited inside, in fact, no one is. Live or die.”
“But why me?” she demands. “And don’t say a debt, you could have killed me and been through with it.”
“Because, Little Bird, that night…the night your dad handed you over without a fight, we saw the same thing in you that’s in all of us. Garrett doesn’t even know why he saved you, I think. Ryder lies to himself, says it’s business. Kenzo plays it like it’s a game, keeping everything to his chest. But I see it. The moment your dad gave you up…you became like us. Another lost soul. Another Viper in search of a home. We all started with nothing, no one, and now look where we are. A family. A broken, fucked up family, but a family nonetheless, that would kill before they let anyone take you. Think on that.” Leaning down, I kiss her softly, and she sighs. “Goodnight, Little Bird. You can keep the knife, think of me every time you use it, but know if you use it on us, on my brothers, I’ll have to kill you. I might even enjoy it.”
With that, I slip from the bed and walk away. “Diesel?” she calls, and I stop.
“You’re right, I want to hate you, but honestly, I’m hurt. Hurt my dad could give me away so easily. I shouldn’t be surprised, but I guess I always wanted to see the good in him. Then you came and gave me people to aim that hate at, but I see it too. The ghosts in your eyes, they match mine…and I hate that more. Because it means…” Her words trail off, voice quiet.
“It means you’re like us.” I nod, looking over my shoulder at her. “A snake.”
I shut the door. She won’t come after me, and she won’t escape tonight, I know that now, even if she doesn’t. She’s home, and she’s finally starting to understand it.
Maybe she will still fight, but if she didn’t, it wouldn’t be as much fun.
I can’t wait to watch her rip the others to pieces, to get into their cold hearts like she has mine. We will all burn together.
Because of one woman.
Our woman.
Chapter Nineteen
RYDER
I heard about Roxxane and Kenzo. It ran through my head all night as I stared at the words on my screen. I haven’t slept, how could I? My mind is whirling.
Will she destroy us? Will she be the end of us? Should I have killed her? Should I now?
All that is compounded with the answers we don’t have. Even Donald didn’t know who the hitter was. He suspects he was an illegal, which means forged papers to get here. But for someone to hire him, to afford those services, they’re more than a disgruntled casino owner like Declan.
Sighing, my mind travels in circles as I drop my head into my hands. I have too many questions and not enough answers. My dad’s words come to me, even though I hate it.
Find the answers. Do what it takes, play dirty.
He was a bastard, a shit father, and an even worse husband, but he was a hell of a business owner. The first thing I did was take all his businesses. It made sense. He’s right, find answers. I’m thinking too much like a businessman. Think like a Viper.
I need to find the person who made the papers, which will lead me to a money trail. Even when they try to stop it, there’s always a money trail. Then, we find the hitter before he tries to end one of us again.
With Roxxane, the Triad, and now the assassin, our plate is full. I feel like I’m losing control, and I don’t know how to get it back. I saw Kenzo’s face last night after he fucked her. He was lost. I’ve seen that expression in his eyes before. He’s a dreamer, unlike me. A lover. He might have won that hand against her, but there is a whole tournament, and Roxxane doesn’t even know she’s playing for the highest stakes.
Not her life.
Her heart.
My brother wants it.
It means she’s fair game now. Maybe that’s my fault for crossing that line in the elevator, but I couldn’t help myself. The issue is…do I want to play? Do I want her? My cock says yes, but my mind says no. She’s trouble, we can’t afford any more trouble. Someone needs to stay clear-headed where she’s concerned. So no, I can’t.