I felt Ben’s arms wrap around me from behind, his breath hot and erratic against the back of my neck. I thought for a moment that he was seeking to give me comfort and I found myself leaning my back against him. I was wrong. I realized that he too was shaking… more profusely than I was.
I slowly regained control of my own body and after a few minutes, lying there, the tremors of our forms molding against each other, I was able to roll over on the bed so that I was facing him. I still couldn’t shake the aftershock of my dreadful dream, so instead of attempting to soothe him, I drew close, leaning my cheek against his broad shoulder.
It took what felt like hours before our bodies stopped shaking. I felt his heartbeat against my face. It slowed down from its quick, erratic beats to its normal steady pace. I gasped. His hand was over my thigh, hiking up my hips, my nightshift rising along with his palm. He lifted me higher over the bed so that our faces were parallel to each other’s. His lips were then on me. First, the corner of my lips, my jaw, my neck, my shoulder… I was froze as his hands traveled my body… the way Lucas’ hands did.
“Ben…” I croaked.
He didn’t respond with words. Instead, his mouth found mine and I could no longer speak, no longer object. Eventually, I pushed him away.
“No… Ben, we can’t do this.”
His eyes met mine and I was stunned to find anger blazing in them. “Do you have any idea how many times she used me?”
Claudia. She was a dark cloud always hanging over him.
“How many times did he use you?”
“Never.” I recalled all the nights I spent in Derek’s bed. “He never even laid a hand on me.” I was taken aback by that realization. I couldn’t remember a single time that Derek ever touched me while I was in his bed… at least never in a sensual manner. There was always this safe distance between us.
But then came the memory of lying on his bed, with my hands pinned above my head, Derek holding me down by the wrists. It was the first time he ever did something like that to me since the incident at the Sanctuary upon his waking. I had to admit that Derek wasn’t as blemish-free as my infatuation wanted to paint him.
“We can’t keep doing this.” I shook my head and got off the bed.
“Can’t keep doing what?”
“Sleeping in the same bed. Not if we want to pursue a relationship… We’re treading dangerous waters.”
“You never had a problem sleeping in one bed with him…”
“Where is this coming from?” My hands rose in the air in utter frustration. I shook my head empathically. “You know what? Forget it. I’m going to do you a favor and forget this happened. I’m going back to my room.”
From outside Ben’s window, I could see faint hues of violets and reds, signaling the break of dawn. It was the morning of our first date. We set our date on the weekend after we decided to give our relationship a shot a couple of days ago. This certainly wasn’t a great way to kick start our first date. I snuck out of my room and returned to mine. Sleep escaped me and I spent what was left of the dark staring outside my window, watching the sun rise.
During breakfast, it was clear from the bags under his eyes that Ben didn’t get much sleep either. True to my word, I was determined to forget what happened earlier that morning, blaming it on some adverse reaction he had to whatever nightmares still managed to plague him. So I smiled at him and playfully punched him on the shoulder before placing a plate of French toast in front of him. He gave me a surprised look, but it seemed he was relieved that there wasn’t a weird tension between us as a result of what happened.
“You two are up early…” Lyle commented as he took a sip of his coffee, his eyes set on the news article he was reading on his tablet. “It’s a Saturday. You’re teenagers. Aren’t you supposed to be sleeping in?”
Amelia and Abby were still in bed. They always slept in during weekends.
I just smiled as I dabbed butter and strawberry jam over my French toast. “Maybe we’re not your ordinary teenagers, Lyle.”
He gave me a lingering stare… enough to bother me. It was as if he knew something about me that even I didn’t know.
I lifted the fork I was holding mid-air. “What?”
He shook his head. “It’s nothing, Sofia.”
“Actually…” Ben drawled as he poured a generous dollop of maple syrup over his toast “…Sofia just couldn’t wait to wake up so she can spend some time with me.”
I wanted to stop my cheeks from reddening, but they did anyway. I couldn’t ignore the way Lyle shifted glances from Ben to me and back. Lyle was soft-spoken and mostly kept to himself. I rarely heard him raise his voice. Even when he was scolding his children, he did it in a calm, almost eerie, voice that made him sound actually far more threatening than Amelia’s shrill diatribes.
“You two ought to be careful.” Lyle warned, his face stoic, his voice flat. “Whatever is going on between the two of you,” he set his eyes on Ben, “I think we know that your mother isn’t yet ready to consider the idea of you being together. Tread lightly.”
“Yeah, Dad… Sure thing…” Ben had that deer-caught-in-headlights look about him.
Ben and I exchanged glances. “How does he know?” I mouthed at him the moment Lyle shifted his focus back on his daily news reading.
He shrugged as he tossed his food around on his plate. Lyle finished the rest of his coffee and replaced his tablet in its case.