Awake at Dawn

"Hey!" Holiday's hand came to rest on Kylie's arm. "You see, this is why I didn't want to tell you. I knew you'd jump to conclusions."

Kylie blinked. "What is it that some female werewolves do? Grow super boobs?"

"No. Well, sort of." Holiday bit back a smile. "When they reach a certain level in maturity, when they are close to mating age, they'll fill out rather quickly."

Kylie's heart pounded and all she could remember was what Miranda had said about seeing a werewolf change into wolf form, about how painful it appeared. "But that sounds just like what is happening to me. So how is this speculation or jumping to conclusions?"

Holiday shook her head. "Unless a werewolf had been turned, most start shifting into wolves when they are four or five. It would be very rare that it would happen to you at this age. And then there's the fact that werewolves undergo some rather strong mood swings a few days before and after a full moon. Dr. Day reported that she saw you during a full moon and saw none of these signs. And I watched you on the last full moon just to see if perhaps she missed something. I didn't note any changes in your behavior."

"Maybe I'm just a late bloomer," Kylie said, not that she was hoping it was true. "And I've never been one to let my emotions out too much. So maybe you just didn't see me being moody."

"There's also ... your cat," Holiday continued. "All felines have an aversion toward weres. Not so with you."

Kylie recalled how, years ago, her cat had reacted to Lucas. She remembered how the kitten had reacted to Lucas the day he'd dropped it off. But then suddenly Kylie remembered something that might be important.

"Oh crap. The wolf."

"What ... wolf?"

"The other night ... when I ran off after I tasted blood. I ran into a wolf. He hung around me. Even showed up again later that night, but-"

"It wasn't a full moon," Holiday said. "It couldn't have been a werewolf."

"I know that's why I didn't think ... I mean, I just thought that it was someone's half-tame wolf. He knelt down in front of me and tried to crawl forward, like he wanted me to touch him or something." She had to remind herself to breathe. "Do you think that could mean something? Is it some kind of ritual that wolves hang out with werewolves before they turn for the first time?"

Holiday stared back at Kylie as if trying to think. "I've never heard of it. But I'm ... Sky was always the one who took care of counseling the weres. So I don't have all the knowledge of it. But I'll ask around. Burnett will know."

"He's not a werewolf." Kylie wished Lucas were here. Here to advise her, to help her make sense of all this. But no, he'd run off with another she-wolf. And Kylie still hadn't read his letter because she was so pissed that he'd done it.

"Burnett's not were, but his job with FRU requires extensive research on all supernaturals. Believe it or not, he's as smart as he is arrogant. And I hope you don't think ... I mean, when he spoke to me about your increase in size, there was nothing in his tone but concern about how you were dealing with these changes."

Even distraught about the idea of being werewolf, Kylie realized that Holiday was defending Burnett. Like it or not, Holiday had found some respect for the vampire. Not that this excused Kylie from the fact that she shared Holiday's private information. But couldn't Holiday see that she and Burnett should give the romance a shot? Just how mad was she going to be about Kylie telling him about her past relationship with another vampire?

"About the falls..."

"I understand," Holiday said.

"Understand what?" Kylie asked, hoping it could be that easy. That Burnett had told Holiday about his and Kylie's conversation and she wasn't upset.

"I understand why you went there," Holiday started, straightening some papers. "I go at least once a week myself. It's the best place to go to ... think, to try to figure out things. Did you get any answers about the ghost this morning?"

Kylie shook her head. "Just a sense of rightness."

"Then you have to have faith that you're doing all you can," Holiday said.

Kylie suddenly remembered. "You told me you hadn't ever seen a death angel."

"I haven't," Holiday said.

"But you said you weren't even sure they were real."

"I don't think the version of the legends that everyone believes is real," Holiday said.

"Then what makes the falls so ... special?"

Holiday hesitated as if trying to find the right words. "I think it's a holy place. I think the Big Cheese running everything up there in the heavens created it for those of us who have to deal with spirits. It's a place we can find some peace. And sometimes even answers."

"Like a church?" Kylie asked, recalling the reverence she'd felt there. "Yeah, sort of like a church. There's a lot of spiritual power there. You felt it, right?" Holiday placed her hand over Kylie's.

Kylie pulled her hand back. "Yeah. But ... why didn't you tell me? I asked you about the falls and you didn't say anything. I mean, I could have ... I could have been going there all along. Maybe I would have figured out more what the ghost is trying to tell me by now."

Holiday dropped her hands on the desk, and empathy filled her green eyes. "You don't tell someone about the falls, Kylie. The falls has to call you to it. And I'm assuming it called you or you wouldn't have gone there."

Kylie couldn't deny she had felt the calling to go. Yet she still resented the fact that she had to figure everything out herself. What was wrong with a little direction, a little helping hand?

"I'm somewhat shocked that Burnett went there," Holiday said. "The only supernaturals who get called to the falls are those with ghostwhispering powers. The other supernaturals find it too emotionally stimulating ... or I guess I could call it intimidating."

Kylie recalled how Della and Miranda had reacted. Yeah, intimidating was about right.

"Even Sky wouldn't go there." Holiday looked up at Kylie. "Did Burnett actually go behind the falls?"

"He was there when I went in." She hesitated. "He went there because of you," Kylie said, using this as her opening. If she didn't take it now, she might back out. Then her breach of confidence would be even worse.

"Me?"

"He wanted to understand you better. And I think he thought if he ... could understand the whole ghost thing, then-"

"He said that?" Surprise widened Holiday's eyes.

"Yeah." Kylie hesitated and then just blurted it out. "I told him that you had your heart broken by another vampire. That it was why you ... don't want to get involved with him."

Holiday's brow furrowed instantly and her eyes grew tight. It wasn't a look Kylie noted on Holiday's face very often. "You told him what?"

"I know I shouldn't have done it. But ... he asked and at first I didn't tell him, but-"

"Why would he ... No, why would you tell him anything?"

"He really likes you, Holiday."

"How he feels doesn't matter. I didn't share that with you to tell anyone else." She stopped talking, but the frustration flared in her eyes. "I'm sorry. I am. And I know it was wrong, but I think ... I mean, it's almost as if you're letting what your fiance did to you stop you from seeing the possibilities with Burnett. You're punishing him for something that he didn't do."

Holiday's expression didn't soften. She swallowed a deep breath. "Kylie, what happens between Burnett and me isn't..." She closed her mouth and the muscles in her jaw clenched. "Why don't we stop this talk right now and we'll take this up later. I need some time."

Kylie felt a huge hole open up in her chest. "Please don't ... don't be mad at me."

Holiday held up her hand. "I'm not exactly mad. I'm ... disappointed."

"That's even worse," Kylie said, and her chest grew tighter. "Really, I'm sorry."

Holiday stood up and motioned for the door. "I'll see you tomorrow." Tears prickled Kylie's eyes, and more than anything she wanted to argue, to beg Holiday to forgive her. To plead with her not to let her slip-up change the relationship they'd found. But something deep inside told Kylie it could be too late.

At almost nine that night Kylie lay in her bed staring at the ceiling with a dad-blasted skunk sharing her pillow. She'd opted out of going down to the dining hall and participating in pizza and basketball night. Burnett had put up a basketball court and all the guys had formed teams. With as little sleep as she'd gotten these last few days, you'd think she'd have been out like a blown bulb. Not.

She cut her eyes to the drawer where she'd placed Lucas's letter and for a flicker of a second her mind switched from her Holiday problems to her Lucas problems, and then it went to her Derek problems. Next her mind came against the idea of being werewolf. Oh, joy!

When her mind slapped against the whole issue of someone she loved being in danger, Kylie instantly recalled the feeling she'd gotten from the falls, that if she stayed on course, at least that problem would be okay. Too bad all her other issues didn't seem so manageable.

The ring of her phone brought a moan to her lips-not that she couldn't use a mental break from juggling her problems. And maybe if she was lucky, it was Sara, finally calling her back. Sure they weren't as close as they once had been, but she still cared about Sara, and she'd been thinking about her a lot lately. But was she up to talking with her former best friend?

"Don't want to startle you," she told Socks, who may or may not have the whole spraying thing down. "I need to reach for my phone." The animal opened one beady eye and looked at her and then let out a poor excuse for a meow.

Miranda had spent all day attempting to change Socks back to his ol' self. Kylie had finally told her to give it a rest. She even told her not to be so hard on herself, that this was just a hiccup. A huge, freaking hiccup, but Kylie didn't tell her that.

The phone stopped ringing and Kylie wasn't even compelled to check to see who'd called. She glanced at Socks again. "A really huge freaking hiccup," Kylie muttered. But considering she hoped that Holiday would forgive her, she decided it might be best to practice what she preached, or at least practice what she prayed for ... forgiveness. And she had prayed.

Remembering how Holiday had looked so betrayed brought a wave of pain to Kylie's heart.

How could telling Burnett about Holiday have felt almost right at the time? And now feel so wrong? And yes, telling Burnett the truth had felt right. She'd been compelled to do it, as if her gut had given her the push.

So much for listening to her gut!

Her phone rang again. Pulling her cell over, not certain she wanted to talk to anyone, Kylie studied the number ... and a sudden knot swelled in her chest.