On the Edge of Humanity

THE NEWS WEBB HAD DELIVERED in the war room still had my body trembling. My mind seemed frozen as tendrils of fear and confusion snaked through it, altering my vision. Tripp had escorted Ben and me to the barracks on the third floor, but I didn't remember walking out of the war room. I wasn't even sure if we rode the elevator or took the stairs. The past two hours were no more than a blur. All I kept thinking about was how screwed up my life had become. How did it get so out of control in such a short time?

Every minute that ticked by, I took in a deeper breath bracing for the next earthquake to rumble my way, to ruin my day-my life. I flipped through the events of the last week looking for something, anything, to help me, to give me a clue or a sign of why all this was happening to me. Was the universe testing me? I didn't understand how becoming a vampire, becoming one of the undead, could save Sam.

I had listened to everything Webb had explained, but I didn't want to believe any of it. Maybe I was dreaming. Maybe I was in a coma from Cliff's attack and my mind was playing out its own movie, while I lay comatose in a hospital bed.

Cold air streamed in as a door opened in the distance. A beautiful woman walked toward me with her brown hair fanned behind her while her navy blue eyes sparkled beneath the glow of the hallway lights. Was she an angel sent down from heaven to take me away? As she approached, a hint of cinnamon filled the air. My instinct was to run, but to where? I glanced behind me for an escape route. There was a door at the other end of the mile long hallway, but I didn't have time. She would be in front of me before I could turn.

Where were Ben and Tripp? They were here a moment ago. I turned my head and the pretty lady was getting closer. I dug my nails into the softer skin of my palm. Maybe, if I were dreaming, the sensation would propel me to wake. At least it might tell me if I were still alive, still human. All of sudden a small amount of blood surfaced and the warm fluid trickled down the length of my ring finger. I peered up and the brown-haired lady stopped midstride. Her eyes changed from navy blue to black. Not good.

I examined my hand and the blood dripped slowly off my fingertip tumbling to the white tile floor. Its scent overpowered the cinnamon aroma of the brown-haired woman now standing directly in front of me. Before I could react, she gently grabbed my hand and, with two of her fingers, pressed them on mine.

"Child, what did you do?" Her voice was soft and soothing.

I scanned her features as she searched through one of the pockets of her cargo pants. Her skin glowed under the light layer of pink blush that painted her high cheekbones. Her lips were full with a tinge of neutral-colored gloss.

"You know you shouldn't draw blood in a building full of vampires," she said.

That last word slapped me in the face. My eyelashes fluttered.

"Who are you?" I asked, my voice as raspy as if I had been smoking two packs of cigarettes.

"Let's get you to your room." She placed a tissue she found in her pants over my hand. "Hold this on it until the bleeding stops." Then she waved her hand forward. "Follow me. We'll get you settled for tonight."

"What happened to Ben?" I asked, not moving. Who was this lady? I didn't remember seeing her in the war... Wait, was it the woman in the gray pantsuit?

"Child, follow me. You'll be staying down this wing of the building." She pointed to a door in the distance that read, Women Only. "Once we get you settled then you can speak to Ben."

I turned, searching for him. He was the only person that made me feel that vampires weren't real. The restroom poked out in the distance, but I couldn't find a door that read, Men Only.

"It's okay." The woman must've sensed my anxiety as her soft voice echoed in the hallway. "I promise you can see Ben in a few minutes, but I need to get you out of this hallway, especially with your finger oozing blood."

She was right, of course. It didn't want to be a vampire's after dinner snack.

She pulled a two-way radio from her side pocket. "Tripp, come in."

The radio crackled.

"Go." Tripp's voice came through the radio.

"I found her. We're in the barracks."

"Ten-four."

I followed her through the door into the women's quarters. The room was set up with couches and large plush chairs in the center, while the bedroom doors dotted the walls surrounding the lounge area.

"In here." She flicked on the light as I entered the room on the left side of the lounge. "You know, I'm sorry. I should've introduced myself. But with the blood dripping earlier, it was a little distracting." Her eyes returned to their normal blue color as she smiled.

In the brighter light of the bedroom, she reminded me of Webb. Her features were strikingly similar with her deep blue eyes and full lips that accentuated a perfect smile.

"I'm Kate, Webb's sister," she said as she extended her hand.

Her hands were clammy as we exchanged a weak handshake.

"Were you the one in the war room this evening?" I asked.

"Yes, I was in my civilian clothes. I had just returned from an appointment and barely made it to the meeting." She raised her eyebrows and bit her lip at the same time. "Webb would have had my you know what on a platter if I were late or missed that meeting."

I had no idea what she was talking about, but her last comment seemed to assume that I knew her brother well. He irritated me a few times today, but I wasn't in any position to agree with her yet.

"I'm sorry; I don't know much about your brother."

"You will. And when you do, we'll talk. Enough of my brother. I have to say your father will be pleased you're safe."

I was saddened to hear how easily she dismissed her brother. I would give anything to have Sam here with me, so we could argue or banter back and forth. Suddenly a shiver crept up my back and my legs wobbled. I turned and sat down on the twin bed.

"You're probably tired and here I am rambling. The restrooms are down the hall. There's water in the refrigerator." She flicked her thumb at the door. "My room is on the opposite side of the quad if you need anything."

"Can I see Ben now?" I asked, releasing a breath.

"I'll let Tripp know. He'll send Ben up. I'll see you in the morning." She turned on her heel and walked out, closing the door behind her.

The room, like the lobby, had a cold, sterile feel to it. It reminded me of a room a nun would sleep in, only I didn't see a cross on the wall. The bed jutted out from the left wall while a small dresser lay against the wall opposite the bed. A high-back wooden chair adorned the far right corner, sprucing up the bare, depressing room. The only light in the room sprayed down from the recessed lighting above me.

My backpack rested against the bed pillow. The last place I remembered carrying it to was the medical facility. I assumed Dr. Vieira brought it down. I pulled it toward me and unzipped the back compartment. All of my books and my sweater were still tucked inside. I reached in and pulled out my black button down cardigan. The room had a chill to it, so I slipped it on, then grabbed the Science Behind Vampires book. Maybe if I read a few chapters it will help me understand the vampire world a bit more. I rubbed my hand over the picture of the microscope on the cover.

A knock on the door startled me.

I lifted my gaze and the door opened slowly. A set of brandy infused eyes peered in. His red streaks glinted in the light.

"Ben? Is that you?" I asked.

The door opened wider; his six-foot frame sauntered in.

"Hey. There you are," he said with a hint of relief in his voice.

"I don't think you're supposed to be in here," I replied.

"It's okay. Tripp knows where I am. I don't think anyone else is going to hunt me down." He chuckled as the mattress dipped beside me. "What happened to you? Tripp and I were talking as we climbed the stairs. When we reached the top, you weren't there." Ben's gaze searched mine.

"I don't know. I was standing in an empty hallway then all of sudden a brown-haired lady found me."

"Is it that lady out there?" He nodded toward the door.

I nodded. "That's Webb's sister, Kate." I dropped my gaze and stared at the book.

"What's that?" Ben pulled the book from my hands and fanned the pages. "Where'd you get this? Did Dr. Vieira give this to you?" His voice dropped an octave.

I shook my head. "I got it from the place Sam and I stayed in that night."

"Jo, you're not considering what I think you are," Ben said, his voice wavering.

"What if...I am?" I didn't take my eyes off the book.

"I know you love Sam, but you can't just become a vampire. It's insane. We can find him. This book isn't going to tell you anything about all this shit." He waved his hand around the room. "Think about what you'd be doing. Do you want to walk around this planet forever? That's not who you are."

"How do you know who I am when I don't even know?" I pointed to my chest. "You've been sheltered by your dad, given everything you ever wanted. You've always had a family, a beautiful house, things that I've never had. My life...is Sam," I said, my voice shaking.

Ben touched my hand and a tingling sensation danced across my skin. It was as if he just infused me with some kind of magic.

"My life has sucked since my mother died. My outlet has always been hanging out with Sam. Having him around as a brother has been the best thing for me. And now you. I don't want to lose you, too." Ben gently raised my chin and our eyes met. He held my gaze as he stared at me with a silky warmness that made my heart skip a beat.

He talked as if Sam were already dead. What did he mean he didn't want to lose me? He lightly rubbed the left side of my cheek with the back of his fingers. A thread of excitement weaved through the knots in my stomach. My breath hitched. I sat frozen on the bed with his warm hand touching me. A prickly heat rose, stinging my face and I couldn't look away. I hoped Ben couldn't hear my heart pounding against my ribs. What kind of feeling was this? I've always thought Ben was handsome, but I didn't like him in a boyfriend kind of way, but for some odd reason, my body didn't seem to agree.

I pulled away and stood up. I swallowed and took in a deep breath. It was the same feeling I had when Webb placed a strand of my hair behind my ear, only stronger. Maybe it was all the vampire puberty messing with me. It had to be.

"What's wrong, Jo?" he asked.

I leaned up against the door. "We need to get out of here. I'm tired of being surrounded by cement walls and sterile furnishings. Besides, I feel helpless that I can't do anything to find Sam." It was sort of a lie, but I did truly ache to get out of this building. I didn't want to deal with trying to ferret out my emotions. I had to stay focused on finding Sam.

"Yeah, me too," Ben said, his voice barely a whisper.

Silence thickened the room and it suffocated me. Ben had his head down. Did I just hurt his feelings by pulling away? I wanted to ask him, but I was afraid to, afraid of his answer.

I dragged my back down the length of the door and relaxed on the floor. "Did Tripp tell you what we were doing tomorrow? Are we going to school?" I asked.

He kept staring at the book, which was still in his hands.

"Ben?"

He shook his head. "I'm sorry. I was thinking about my mother."

My cheeks suddenly flushed with embarrassment. It made sense since Ben just mentioned her. I was an idiot to think Ben liked me. Boys didn't like me. They chastised me. I hated myself to even think I was pretty enough for someone like Ben...or any boy for that matter.

"Yes, we're going back to my house, but I'm not sure about school. Tripp just said he was taking us to get some clothes. My dad isn't going to let me miss school again. I'm not sure what to tell him." Ben sighed.

"You don't have to tell him anything. We'll go back to your house, shower and change. Then you can go to school."

I didn't want to be alone with all these vamps, but Ben was right. Mr. Jackson was strict when it came to school. I was hoping the alpha vampire, Webb, would be okay with me going to school. Maybe someone saw Sam, but something told me Webb wasn't going to allow it.

"I'm not leaving you alone," Ben said.

"A few hours ago you were afraid of me." I pulled my knees to my chest.

"We talked about this already. I'm your bodyguard, remember?" He dropped his elbows to his knees and leaned forward.

I smiled, then flinched.

Ben rose. "What's wrong?" He threw the book on the bed.

"Nothing. I haven't smiled in a long time and it hurts." I raised my left hand to my cheek.

Ben sauntered over, his lips curled at the ends, displaying the deep dimples against his strong jaw. At that moment, my heart started racing. I now knew why the girls in school went giddy when he walked into a room.

Damn the vampire puberty!

Ben sidled up next to me on the floor. I closed my eyes and dropped my head to my knees. The small room became quiet again, except for my pounding pulse echoing in my ears, which I hoped he couldn't hear. I was keenly aware of how close we were. A thin line of white tile separated my body from his. Snap out of it. This is crazy. All this vampire gene crap was messing with my body. Not only was I going to kill my father for leaving me in a foster home, but now I had another reason to add to the list-vampire genes.

"So, I have my baseball bat ready for tomorrow," Ben whispered.

I turned my head and peeked at him. He had his knees raised to his chest, head resting in the palm of his left hand, eyes wide with a wolfish grin on his face.

"Let's hope you won't have to use it." I silently prayed tomorrow would be a better day, but my Spidey sense was telling me otherwise.

After Ben left my room, I lay awake in the dark. The silence of the night gave me a chance to think. There were too many emotions and decisions to puzzle through. All of it swirled around in my brain, making my head hurt, although the critical one made my body numb. Webb had said I needed to be ready to make a decision, but was it truly a decision to save Sam's life? In my mind, it was more of a decision of whether I wanted to kill myself-my humanity. I did want to save my brother, more than anything, but to change from a human to a vampire-that I wasn't so sure about.

While I had several questions on the physical changes, the struggle for me was immortality. Did God intend for a species to live on this planet forever? I would be stuck in a world where time passed and people changed, but would I be physically the same? Would I be sixteen forever? I couldn't fathom it.

The next morning, I stared at Kate as we rode the elevator down to the lobby, admiring her taste in clothes. She was wearing a pair of black jeans painted on her five foot six frame with her military boots laced up over her calves. A long pink silk sweater flowed behind her as a white camisole poked out from underneath. My hands gravitated to my head and I began fidgeting with my bangs.

"Jo, you look fine," Kate said.

Compared to her, I didn't think so. She looked as if she just walked out of a hair and make-up appointment.

The elevator door opened and we both stepped out at the same time. The lobby was as cold as it had been yesterday. The same petite receptionist sat behind the circular desk. Ben was sitting on a bench alongside the left wall. Webb and Tripp were talking near the desk and two military men were standing sentinel at the exit door. A shiver ran through me when I thought about how my world had shifted when I'd walked through that large steel contraption yesterday. Would my world shift again today? Would we find Sam before I had to make my decision? I shook my head. I didn't want to think about me. Today, I was going to focus on trying to find Sam.

"Jo, over here," Ben called out.

Webb and Tripp stared at me. I dropped my head. While everyone around me seemed rested and beautiful, I looked like something out of a horror show. The mirror in the ladies room this morning showed me just how gruesome I appeared. I kept my head down while I walked over to Ben.

"Hey," Ben said. "You-"

"Don't even say it," I snapped.

"Say what? I was just going to ask you if you slept okay. No sense to get all huffy this morning." Ben scooted down to the other end of the bench away from me.

"I'm sorry. I didn't really sleep." I plopped down on the leather bench, searching for the clock and found Webb walking toward me. His shoulder-length hair was wet and he had both sides tucked behind his ears.

He stopped and planted himself two feet in front of me, blocking my view of the clock. "Good morning," he said. He had his cell phone in one hand and a red folder in the other. His woodsy scent triggered the dormant stomach butterflies. Heat rose in my cheeks. Was he wearing a particular type of pheromone to drive me insane? I silently repeated to myself, Focus, focus, focus.

"Have you thought about what we discussed yesterday, Jo?" he asked.

The flutters in my stomach stopped. Was he kidding? A life-changing decision and this arrogant vampire thought that, poof, overnight I would make a choice? I wanted to attack him, to beat him and shake him into reality. I was beginning to think that maybe, just maybe, to die as a human had to be paradise compared to becoming an insensitive vampire.

I lifted my head. "When are we leaving?" I asked.

"Don't avoid the question. I need to know where you are in making a decision. We need to plan." His voice had a slight growl to it as he placed his phone in its holster. It sounded as if he were about to combust.

I know where I am in my head and it's definitely not anywhere near vampires. "Are you serious? You can't think-"

"Sir, the car is out front," Tripp called out.

I was thankful for the interruption. Maybe Webb would leave me alone, but his glare promised otherwise.

"She's not joining your ranks," Ben blurted out as he inched closer to me on the bench.

Webb froze, his pupils slowly changing to a sea of black as he glowered at Ben. I held my breath. What was Ben doing? Was he trying to get himself killed?

"My patience is wearing thin with you, son. I told you yesterday-my compound, my rules. If you interfere again, you will not return here and not see Jo again." He stepped toward Ben, pointing his finger. "We're dealing with people's lives and right now yours doesn't mean anything to me," Webb said in a brusque tone.

Whoa! Wait one second. Who does he think he is using me as a threat?

I slowly let out the air in my lungs and was about to speak, when Tripp walked up and stood beside Webb.

"Sir? Sir?" Then Tripp stepped in-between Ben and Webb. "Lt. London?" He pushed Webb back trying to create some distance.

Webb raked his hands through his hair. The blue hue in eyes had completely disappeared. I had seen his eyes black before, but not as dark as they were now. He must be majorly pissed off.

Ben glared at Webb. "You're right. We're dealing with people's lives and Jo's is one of them. So you need to lay off!"

I looked at Ben, my eyebrows drew together and my mouth fell open. He was so screwed. He must want to die today. I wanted to slap him back to reality. We were in vampire territory and he was being a total freak trying to stand-up to Webb, the leader of the pack.

Ben rose.

Tripp whirled around. "You need to stay where you are," he commanded.

He took a step toward Tripp. My heart pounded. Did the vampires operate on his brain last night? He was delirious.

Tripp didn't take any steps. He flew at Ben, pushing Ben down on the bench. He landed so hard his head hit the back of the wall with a thud.

I gasped, covering my mouth with both hands. If Ben didn't have a concussion after that hit, he would be a lucky boy.

Kate touched my arm. "Come with me, Jo."

I couldn't move. My eyes widened as Webb and Tripp surrounded Ben.

"Jo?" Kate's voice was stern but soft.

I followed her to the exit door, glancing over my shoulder the whole time. I appreciated her pulling me away, but I was extremely worried about Ben. Two strong vampires were hovering over him. What were they doing to him? Then in an instant, the two guards at the door ran past me, with their swords in their hands.

"Listen, Jo. Look at me." She touched my face.

"No. I'm worried about Ben. Can't this wait?" I kept my gaze glued to the scene playing out-four vampires to one human-not a good match for Ben. It was evident in my mind that he didn't stand a chance, but would they hurt him?

As if Kate read my mind, she said, "Webb isn't going to harm him."

"How do you know?"

"Let me give you some advice. I know you don't know my brother that well, but everything he's doing is for you, your brother and your father."

I broke my gaze from the commotion in the distance. "What about Ben? Can't Webb help him?" I asked.

"Ben has been extremely rude, lashing out at my brother. From what I understand, that wasn't the first time. Webb has a lot of patience, but right now he's under a lot of pressure to find Sam and your father."

She was right. Ben had started it. His moodiness was going to get him in more trouble or killed yet.

"Jo, listen to me. Webb has a heart and this whole thing hits too close to home for him. So, please, do as he says. He knows what he's doing."

I choked back a laugh. I thought vampires couldn't feel things like emotions. Weren't they supposed to be cold, emotionless creatures, not caring about anything or anyone? Kate just made it sound like Webb was...human. I knew little of vampires, and Webb did say I shouldn't believe everything I read in books. I guess the books I have in my possession were useless. I could ask, but I didn't want to. I wanted to find my brother. I wanted him back alive, and as a human.

"But he wants me to make a life-changing decision like right now. I can't do that." I tried to look over at Ben just to be sure Webb wasn't killing him, but I couldn't see anything with the four vampires in my way.

"Believe me when I say I know how hard this is for you. But time is of the essence. Webb may not have told you that. He was probably trying to give you some space, but we really don't have much time. You don't have much time. It's better if you make the decision and come to terms with it. If you don't make it soon, like today, then we can't plan accordingly."

I pinched my eyebrows together. I had no idea what she was talking about. I heard what she said, but my brain didn't process any of it. "Why do I have to make a decision right now? What if we find Sam?"

Kate closed her eyes and dropped her head when the guards dragged Ben to the exit. She lifted her head and we both watched as the guards escorted him outside. I turned on my heel and she grabbed my arm.

"Not so fast. Ben is fine. They're taking him out to the car."

"But-"

"No. I haven't finished speaking with you." She blinked and her navy blue eyes had changed to a light grey. "If we find Sam, then all that's lost is your time in deciding. But it's better if Dr. Vieira prepares-" A tear filled the bottom edge of her left eye. "-for you to shed your human existence. Trust me, it's better if you can come to grips with whatever decision you make. But either way, you need to decide today." She brushed my bangs away from my eyes and the tear trickled down her cheek.

No pressure! She's just as crazy as her brother.

I stood still, staring in the distance at some picture on the wall. My stomach had been doing a queasy tap dance since the guards removed Ben from the building. But at Kate's words, my head started spinning. Shed your human existence. The queasiness turned into a slow and steady rise of nausea creeping up the back of my throat. There was no way I was going to shed anything, not today.