On the Edge of Humanity

WHEN I EMERGED FROM THE office and stepped into the lab, four sets of eyes stared at me. My father had a horrified look on his face. Could he read my mind? Webb appeared nervous, fidgeting with a syringe, one of Dr. Vieira's many lab instruments. Kate and Dr. Vieira appeared calm.

Kate ran over to me and, as usual, put her arm around mine. "What have you decided, dear?"

I waited until we approached Webb, my father and Dr. Vieira, all of whom were standing near the lab bench on the far side of the room. After skirting a couple of desks and a table, Kate and I stopped in front of the three men. I closed my eyes and said a silent prayer. Here goes nothing.

"I've made my decision," I said with a whisper, dropping my gaze to the floor.

Suddenly, my hands were shaking, so I balled them, my nails digging into my palm. You can tell them. They'll understand.

Before I could get the words to roll off my tongue, my father grabbed me. I looked up and confusion flickered in his eyes.

"Please, Jo. Tell me your answer is yes," he whispered.

I had thought he could read my mind, but I was wrong. He couldn't.

A tear slid down my cheek and I closed my eyes, shedding more tears. My father's grip became stronger and my body began shaking. Get a grip. They'll understand.

"Honey," my father whispered. "It's okay."

"I...I..."

My father grabbed my chin and eased it up.

"Look at me," he pleaded.

I opened my eyes and met his gaze. His forest green eyes were shifting as I stared at him, tears streaming down his face. He reminded me so much of Sam that a pain pierced my heart.

Then, as if the devil grabbed hold of my mind and twisted it, I said, "If I regret this then I vow to kill all of you." My mouth hung open as I finished the sentence.

Kate leaned in. "Is that a yes?"

Did I just say that? I bent over, dropping to my knees.

My father pulled me to my feet and wrapped his arms around me. "We'll get through this. I know life hasn't been good for you, but given the chance, I'll make it up to you," he whispered, remorse soaking through his words.

I stood cocooned in his arms, his warmth wrapped around me, the tension seeping from every pore. Maybe part of me wanted his love and acceptance. I wasn't sure how he could make up for the last fourteen years but I was willing to give him a chance...that was if we could save Sam.

He let go and stepped back. "Thank you, Jo. I promise I'll do everything in my power to bring Sam back."

I blew out a breath and wiped my eyes with the back of my hand-now what? Webb stood next to Kate. His eyes were wide, eyebrows raised as if he were shocked by my answer. Hell, I was shocked with my answer.

"Jo, please follow me," Dr. Vieira said as he slipped on his lab coat. "We have much work to do."

When Dr. Vieira spoke, my dad, Webb and Kate disappeared. I imagined to do some task Dr. Vieira gave them.

"Can I see Ben one last time?" I pleaded.

"You have two minutes," he said.

I made my way to Ben's room. His unconscious body was still attached to a machine, helping him with every breath. I walked up to the bed and grabbed his hand.

"Ben, if you can hear me, I want to tell you how sorry I am for getting you into this mess. I hope that the next time I see you, you'll be talking and irritating me like you have been these past few days. Whatever happens I want you to know that I'm grateful for everything you did to help me. You were the best bodyguard friend a girl could have." I kissed his hand then walked out, a tear trickling down the side of my face.

Dr. Vieira was waiting outside the door. "I have the room ready. We'll be using the one next to my office."

"Does this mean that my blood type and all the other genetic things match up with Sam's like my father said it should?" I asked.

"It's a perfect match," he replied.

"So, how did you get Sam's blood?" I asked.

He kept walking and said, "That's classified."

Great. No one was going to tell me anything. "Can you at least tell me what I'm going to go through?"

Dr. Vieira stopped in front of the room and waved his hand, gesturing me to go in. "In due time."

Unlike Ben's room with a glass pane looking in, this room didn't have a window, which meant I wouldn't be on display. Relief washed over me for the moment. I didn't want people watching whatever hell I was going to go through.

I walked into the large room and a twin bed sat on the left side surrounded by a heart monitor, an IV stand, blood pressure device and defibrillator. On the right, in-between us and another twin bed was a table with needles, syringes, a stethoscope and several empty vials. The set up was far from comforting.

"There's sweatpants and t-shirt on the chair in the corner. Change into them, then have a seat on the bed. I'll be back in five minutes and we'll get started." Dr. Vieira walked out, closing the door behind him.

My pulse quickened. I stood near the door afraid to go any farther. Was I making the right decision? Part of me said yes and the other part of me screamed no. I didn't know which one to listen to, but I couldn't waver anymore. I had analyzed the why's and why not's, had put myself in Sam's shoes and had thought through how Sam would react to his new vampire life and what he would do for me. Each time I kept hearing Sam's voice in my head. You have to take care of yourself, Jo. I didn't know if Sam wanted a life of immortality, but he would do anything to save me. Still, to take away his humanity shouldn't be my decision.

I leaned against the wall and grabbed the doorknob, holding on as if my life depended on it-a last chance to save my soul.

The air inside became suffocating. I looked up at the ceiling for some sort of sign. While I wanted to run, a voice inside me kept telling me, Sam needs you. It was the only thing keeping me here.

I mustered up all the courage I could find, let go of the doorknob and changed into the sweatpants and the t-shirt before I collapsed in the chair. The plush, oversized recliner swallowed me as I leaned back and closed my eyes. I started to drift off when Dr. Vieira walked in, clipboard in hand, followed by my dad who was holding what looked to be an opaque glass container with red liquid in it, which I imagined was his blood.

I didn't move from the chair. Dr. Vieira and my dad exchanged looks, then my father nodded. I guessed Dr. Vieira was waiting for him to give the command.

"The first part of this is simple. I'll prep you by inserting an IV, attach the nodes for the heart monitor, then set up the blood pressure machine. Second, you'll be giving me twenty percent of your system's blood. This will help with less vomiting and allow room for the blood you'll drink and for regenerating more of the mixture between your dad's blood and your own. Then you'll drink the pint of blood that your father is holding." Dr. Vieira stared at me, waiting for me to do or say something.

"Okay. But you know I'll just puke it up like I did last time when I drank the box of blood."

My father gave Dr. Vieira a puzzled look, but Dr. Vieira ignored him.

"I know, but that's what the IV solution is for. It'll help keep the fluids in you and it also has a solution to slow down the vomiting," Dr. Vieira explained.

My heart raced. I would rather be listening to Ms. Costner tell us about Pythagoras and his three worlds then be here with some vampire doctor lecturing me on the origins of his species.

"After that, we wait. The process should take twenty-four to no more than forty-eight hours. It will all depend on how your body reacts to all this. The test results show that you and Sam match perfectly and that your father is your biological father. Are we clear?"

What does he want me to say? Yes, I can't wait to have fangs and drink blood?

I nodded.

"Jo, I'll be here the entire time," my father added.

How appropriate. The man from hell was going to watch me go through hell-yippee.

"Um, physical changes?" I asked.

"Sure. Without getting technical, dizziness, stomach pain, maybe some feeling of claustrophobia, your body may feel itchy and you'll more than likely experience head and gum pain. There are a lot of internal changes taking place and each person is different in the way they experience and feel it," Dr. Vieira said as he adjusted the IV stand and turned on the monitor. "Are you ready?"

I laughed nervously. I was ready, but not to become part of the undead society so much as to run to the other end of the earth, away from vampires. As if by magic, my legs unfolded and I stood up and turned to look at the door.

"Don't do it, young lady. You made your decision. I'll be here with you every step of the way," my father said.

I sighed and walked over to Dr. Vieira. I didn't want to be near my father right now. Sure, I was comforted by his hug earlier, by the tears he shed, but that didn't mean he was out of the woods just yet. Plus, I suspected he was trying everything he could to make this easy for me-and there was nothing easy about it. My humanity was about to be stripped away from me.

I reluctantly climbed into bed and laid my head back onto the pillow. Dr. Vieira started inserting needles into my hand and arm. Then he wrapped the blood pressure pad around my other arm while my dad pulled off the backing from the self-adhesive pads and pressed them on my chest. The heart monitor came to life and I was reminded of the day I woke up in the hospital over a week ago. It was the first time I had ever been in a hospital and where my life changed forever.

With all the needles, electrodes and machines working, my father poured his blood in a tall glass then set it on the table. The heart monitor chirped non-stop. Sweat peppered my forehead and the blood pressure machine beeped. The smell of blood filtered in the air and my nostrils flared, the scent making my tongue tingle. My mouth suddenly became dry.

"It'll be okay. Breathe," Dr. Vieira whispered. "I want you to squeeze this tube, so the blood pumps into the bag. I need two bags."

My father looked at Dr. Vieira. "She okay?"

"Your daughter, I believe has been experiencing some early signs. You know, the normal ones that teenagers of vampire descent go through. Hers seem to be stronger than most, which may speed up the change."

I almost laughed. There was that word again: normal. This wasn't normal. Nothing about this was normal.

I lay there watching the blood flow through the tube into the bag and thought about Sam. Was this what it was like to lie in a bed and have someone drain all the blood out of him? I silently recited the Lord's Prayer, hoping it would help not only me, but Sam as well.

Forty-five minutes later Dr. Vieira had two pints of my human blood. It was time to drink. I sat up and became dizzy, the room spinning. My pulse was in overdrive and I hadn't even touched the blood. I was hosed.

Dr. Vieira sat beside me. "I want you to drink it slowly. If you drink it too fast, you'll pass out." Then he nodded to my father who placed the tall glass of blood in my hands.

I stared at it, trying to drum up the courage to bring it to my lips, the aroma prickling my senses, but my brain didn't follow suit.

Then my father inserted a straw.

Yeah, that's not going to help me.

I took a deep breath, covered the straw with my lips, closed my eyes and sucked. The first sip exploded in my mouth, the texture thick. The taste was sweet with a hint of salt. Dr. Vieira told me to drink it slowly, but all of sudden I wanted to drain the glass dry. I began sucking on the straw as fast I could. My cheeks caved in as I savored every mouthful. Suddenly, my father pulled it away from me.

I opened my eyes in protest.

"Slow down. Do you want to get sick?" my father asked.

Like a baby attached to her bottle, I pulled the glass back from him.

"I feel fine," I countered.

Dr. Vieira looked at me in horror. What did I do? He told me to drink the blood, so I did, although my head hurt as if I had a brain freeze from sucking in an ice-cold milkshake.

"How are you feeling?" Dr. Vieira asked. He examined the monitor and all my vital signs were good, at least from what I could tell.

"Just a little lightheaded." I raised the glass and sipped again through the straw, slowly this time. I had a feeling I was going to be a crazed vampire, always wanting blood. "What happens after the change? Will I always crave blood like this?"

Dr. Vieira looked at my father.

"That will depend, honey. It might be tough for you or it might be easy. It's hard to tell. Some newborns have a constant craving, so we need to watch them closely. Take certain precautions. Others seem to moderate their intake better, not crave it as much," my father explained.

Boy, what kind of answer was that? It sounded a bit like gibberish to me.

I sipped the rest of the glass, finishing it all as if I was slurping the last of my milkshake, and I wanted more.

My father sat on the other twin bed studying me. I couldn't tell if he was amazed, frightened or in shock about my reaction to the blood. I imagined he was probably determining what kind of vampire I would be. I had the same question, but I wasn't ready for the true answer.

I handed the glass to Dr. Vieira and asked, "Now what?"

"We wait. Do you feel the need to throw-up?"

The dizziness had slowed, almost stopped. My stomach wasn't upset, which I imagined was a good sign. Maybe whatever Dr. Vieira put in my IV was helping the queasiness.

"I do feel a little tired."

Dr. Vieira scribbled on his clipboard. He checked the monitor, then the blood pressure machine. He set down his clipboard, inserted the stethoscope's earpieces in his ears, lifted up my t-shirt and placed the chest piece on my stomach. He stood over me, listening as he moved the scope around my navel. When he finished, he pulled out the earpieces, then jotted on his clipboard.

"Did you hear anything?" I asked.

"No. Everything seems normal." He looked at his watch. "I need to step out. Why don't you try and sleep? Your father will be here with you in case you need something. I'll return in a couple of hours," he said.

"When I wake up, will I have changed?" I asked.

"We'll see. It's hard to tell." Then he turned to my father. "Commander, may I speak to you outside?"

My father followed Dr. Vieira out into the lab.

It had been a long day. I stared at the ceiling. How long would this take? Would it even work? Maybe when I woke up I would still be human.

My eyes popped opened. I grabbed my stomach and curled myself into a ball. My insides burned with every organ inside me screaming to get out. My whole body cramped and tightened from my sternum down to my legs. Sweat ran down my back and the sides of my face. What was happening to me? I closed my eyes, then opened them again. A noise beeped beside me, a loud noise that had me cringing in pain. I moved my hands from my stomach to my ears, trying to quell the loud sound that was driving me insane. Then another intense cramp wracked my insides. My stomach lurched and I heaved, but nothing came out. Something cold touched my forehead. I looked up, but my blurred vision didn't allow me to see who was next to me. I squeezed my eyes shut.

"Please make the sound stop-please," I called out as I pressed my hands against my ears.

"Jo? This is Dr. Vieira. Do you know where you are?"

I craned my neck to look at the man standing over me. I knew his voice, the name, but I couldn't see him. I blinked a few more times, trying to clear the haze that covered my eyes. When I opened them, Dr. Vieira was peering down at me.

The pain ramped up again, grabbing hold of my stomach, this time more intensely. I shifted my hands from my head to my abdomen. A fire rushed through my veins and, suddenly, my throat burned.

"What's happening to me?" I screamed.

"Jo, you're going through the change," Dr. Vieira said as he wiped my face with a cold compress.

"Make the pain go away. Please!" I cried out.

The burning intensified, snaking through every organ and vein inside me, itching for release. I closed and opened my eyes, then closed them again, the light above me burning down like I was touching the sun.

"The light, make it go away."

"Jo, can you hear me? Honey, it's me, your dad. Only a little while longer, then the pain will subside," he said as he rubbed my sweat-soaked back.

The pain diminished and I took in a breath. The sweet smell of cinnamon hit me. The aroma intensified as a familiar female voice filled the room.

"How is she?" Kate asked.

"Not now. You shouldn't be in here," Dr. Vieira said.

"We're twelve hours into it. She just woke up. She should fall back to sleep soon," my father explained.

I didn't want to fall sleep; I wanted someone to kill me. I laid in the bed, frozen in a fetal position as the pain ramped up again and this time nausea swept over me. I heaved, but like before, nothing came out.

My father lifted me up and positioned me over the side of the bed. I opened my eyes and the room was darker now. The beeping noise had stopped, but my eardrums still vibrated. The only sound echoing in my ears was my father's heartbeat. I counted the beats as he held me.

"My throat. It's burning," I whispered.

"That's normal. It's a vampire's thirst," Dr. Vieira said.

As he said the word vampire, a cluster of cramps gripped me, spreading throughout my body, each one more intense than the last.

"When can you give her blood?" my father asked.

"When her fever breaks. I inserted a mild sedative into her IV. She's probably through the worst of it, so it shouldn't stop the final process."

There is a final step? I can't take any more of this pain. I pray the last step doesn't kill me.

My father eased me back down onto the bed. The heaving had stopped. I curled up and held onto my stomach for dear life, afraid it was going to disintegrate.

"Can I have some water?" I asked.

Dr. Vieira held a cup in front me while I lifted my head. I sipped through the straw as the ice water seeped down, cooling the parched skin that lined the back of my throat.

I dropped down onto the pillow and resumed my fetal position. The pain had dulled, and for the moment I could relax. I closed my eyes.

God help me. I didn't know if vampires believed in God, but I needed to believe he existed, even in the world I was about to enter.

As I looked up, the sky was dotted with bright, twinkling diamonds as if someone had sprinkled fairy dust and it had stuck to the background. Where was I? Was I in the planetarium at school? My gaze roamed from side to side. A blanket of sand stretched for miles in both directions. No, this wasn't school. I looked out in the distance and a stream of water ran by just beyond the sandy carpet I was sitting on.

I rose and walked over to the edge, stepping into a cool stream of liquid that tickled my toes. I turned and thick, dense trees filled in the landscape behind me. It appeared I was on a beach-a deserted one. How did I get here? The bright moon shone down, its reflection dancing on the water. I took two steps into the stream, looking down through the crystal clear water, the sand glistening beneath it. I inhaled the fresh clean air, reveling in the beauty that surrounded me and made a wish as my gaze roamed the horizon. As I stepped farther into the sparkling water, an electrical charge skimmed up my legs and my body shivered. My chest tightened like someone had wrapped a rope around me and pulled it tight. Every sense and shiver told me to go back, get out of the water, but like a magnet drawing me to it, I kept walking into the stream, which was only ankle deep.

The farther I walked, the stronger the force, pulling me forward. I continued my journey, stepping slowly into the velvety sand. The breeze played with my hair and for the first time in my life a true sense of freedom washed over me.

My vision was sharp as if it had been altered, enhancing every detail of the sandy floor beneath the crystal clear water. A soothing sound sang in the distance.

A soft breeze blew, the sweet aroma of honeysuckle tickled my nose. As I waded through the stream, the splash of water grew louder, piercing my eardrums. The water around me became turbulent and the clear liquid turned red. My pulse quickened. A sudden fear of danger lurked ahead, but I couldn't stop.

I kept walking, stepping slowly through the red water, which became darker the closer I got to the waterfall. I willed my feet to stop, throwing my arms out in front of me, trying to balance myself. But my right foot hit a rock sending me over the edge into the blackness below.

As I soared downward, my body relaxed, allowing the world below to swallow me. I was no longer afraid. It was as if my destiny were pulling me down into my new world-the Superior world.

All the inhibitions that suffocated me were melting away one by one, leaving the Inferior world behind. I inhaled, taking in the salt from the red water that sprayed on me as if the fairies had released their magic dust. As I got closer to my destiny, the cloying scent of jasmine and lavender filled the air. I closed my eyes, bracing for the impact, when my body began to slow like someone were applying the brakes. A slow burn crawled up the back of my throat and, suddenly, I couldn't breathe.

I sat up and grabbed my throat, choking, gasping for air. Where was I?

"Jo. It's all right. I'm here."

I opened my eyes. "Sam is that you?" I asked between coughs.

"No, my dear, it's your father. You were dreaming."

"Water. I need water." I sat still rubbing my throat. "It burns."

"Her fever is gone," Dr. Vieira said.

I looked over and Dr. Vieira was adjusting the IV bag. His heartbeat was sharply distinct, so defined. I glanced at his jugular, then up at him, then back to his neck.

"Give her the blood now, Steven," Dr. Vieira said in a sharp tone.

I turned to look at my father. I forgot his name was Steven. I cocked my head to one side and the vein in his neck look appetizing as well.

Suddenly, my gums ached. I dipped my fingers in my mouth and the tip of my forefinger caught the edge of my right eyetooth, which was pointy and longer than the rest. My eyes widened in horror and I drew in a sharp breath.

Holy Crap! I'm a vampire.

I quickly removed my hands and covered my mouth.

"It's okay. It's normal to want blood." My father handed me a tall glass with a straw in it.

No, it was downright strange that I wanted blood, but I grabbed it anyway. Not certain if I should drink it, I shifted my gaze between him and Dr. Vieira looking for approval.

They both nodded.

I raised the glass and wrapped my lips around the straw. I inhaled and the sweet candied aroma made the flame in the back of my throat burn brighter and hotter in anticipation of that first sip. I released the straw and moistened my lips.

"Go ahead and drink." My father guided the glass towards my mouth.

The first sip entered my mouth, sliding over my tongue, coating the wall at the back of my throat. The burn lessened with each sip, awakening every cell in me. I finished drinking and within seconds I wanted more.

I handed the glass to my father and Dr. Vieira had another one ready for me. I grabbed it and drank, not stopping to breathe. I finished drinking the second one and still wanted more. It was like a revolving door. When I finished one glass, another one was handed to me. After five tall glasses of the sweet nectar, the room started spinning.

My father handed me another glass.

"No, no more. I'm dizzy."

"Very well, she's had enough," Dr. Vieira said. "She should be well sated. It's been a long twenty-eight hours. She should sleep through the night."

I eased myself back onto the pillow. "What day is it?"

"It's Wednesday evening," my father said as he rubbed his eyes. "Your change is complete. How do you feel?"

I watched him as he studied me, his hand holding mine as if we were best friends. His eyes were pleading, begging me to forgive him. While my hatred for him was still there, I decided to keep it hidden for now.

I wasn't sure how to answer him. The pain, the burning sensation and the vomiting were gone, replaced by... I wasn't sure yet.

"Sleepy right now," I said as I yawned.

"Get some rest. Tomorrow will be another long day." My father stood up and walked over to the empty twin bed beside me. "I'll be right here if you need me."

Dr. Vieira had left the room-I imagined to get some sleep as well.

I closed my eyes and picked through my brain, trying to take inventory of my body. How did I feel? I lay still, reaching out to every cell within me trying to find a difference between human and vampire. I couldn't find anything.

As I thought about the blood that tickled my tastebuds, I jolted to a sitting position. My gums throbbed and I winced as my fangs descended. I inserted my fingers inside and touched the tip of my left fang. The back of my throat burned. Suddenly, my skin itched. I wanted blood, needed blood. I inhaled and grabbed my pillow, curling myself into a fetal position. I took several breaths in and out. Slowly my fangs retreated. I closed my eyes, willing myself to sleep. A layer of warmth coated my skin as my muscles relaxed.

Webb had said I was going through vampire puberty, but that was before the change. Now that I was a vampire, what stage was I in? Blood lust? Whatever it was, I had a feeling it was going to be far worse than any type of puberty-human or vampire.