Fantasy Lover

Julian stared at Grace, his mind whirling as her words rang in his head.

Could it be? Dare he believe it?

Dare he even hope after all this time...

"Your surname is Alexander?" he repeated in disbelief.

"Yes," she said, a slow, encouraging smile breaking across her face.

Cupid looked sharply at him. "Have you two made friendly with the privates yet?"

"No," Julian said. "We haven't." And to think he had been angry over that.

Grace had saved him from making the third biggest mistake of his life. At that moment, he could have kissed her.

A smile split Cupid's face. "Well, I'll be damned. Or you'll be undamned, I should say. I never knew a woman who could be around you more than ten minutes who didn't drop her-"

"Cupid," Julian snapped, cutting him off before he gave a lengthy discourse on the number of women Julian had slept with. "Do you have anything else informative to say?"

"Just this. Mom's curse-breaker is contingent on Priapus's not finding out. If he does, he could circumvent the whole thing with one of his nasty whammies."

Julian clenched his fists as he remembered quite clearly some of his half-brother's more evil actions.

For some reason he'd never fully understood, Priapus had hated him since the moment of his birth. And over the years, Priapus had given sibling rivalry a whole new meaning.

Julian took a sip of his drink. "He won't find out unless you tell him."

"Don't look at me," Cupid said. "I don't run with his crowd. You have me confused with cousin Dion. And on that note, I need to go meet up with my boys. We plan to do a major tribute to old Bacchus later tonight." Cupid held his hand out, palm upward. "My bow, if you please."

Careful lest it prick him, Julian fished it out of his pocket and returned to him.

It was then he caught a rare, honest look of affection from his older brother. "I'll be around if you need me. Just call my name-the one not Cupid. And please lay off the 'worthless bastard' stuff. Sheez." He raked him with a smirk. "I should have known it was you."

Julian said nothing as he remembered what had happened the last time he took his brother up on that offer.

Cupid scooted out of the booth, looked at Grace and Selena, then smiled at Julian. "Good luck with earning your freedom. May the strength of Ares and wisdom of Athena see you through."

"And may Hades roast your hoary soul."

Cupid laughed. "Too late. He did that in the third century and it wasn't so bad. Later, little brother."

Julian didn't speak as Cupid made his way out of the restaurant like an almost normal human being.

The waitress brought their food to them.

Julian picked at the strange meat on bread, but he didn't feel like eating it. He'd lost his appetite.

Grace poured something red to cover the meat, then placed the bread together and took a bite while Selena ate a salad drenched with white sauce.

Looking up, Grace caught Julian's frown as he watched her eat. His face even more troubled than before, he had a hardness to his jaw that said he was clenching his teeth. "What's the matter?" she asked.

He narrowed his eyes suspiciously. "Are you really willing to do what Eros said?"

Grace set her burger down and wiped her mouth with her napkin. In truth, she didn't like the thought of Julian using her body to gain his freedom. A one-night stand with no commitments, no promises.

Julian would be gone as soon as he finished with her. She had no doubt about that.

Why would a man like him ever want to stay with her when he could have any woman on the planet eating out of his hand?

Still, she couldn't condemn him to live out eternity in a book. Not when she could free him.

"Tell me something," she said quietly. "I want to know the whole story of how you got into that book. And what happened to your wife."

She wouldn't have thought it possible, but his jaw got even tenser. He was trying to hide again.

But Grace refused to let him run. It was time he understood exactly why the thought of sleeping with him bothered her. "Julian, you're asking a lot of me. I haven't had much experience with men in social situations."

He frowned. "You are a virgin?"

"I wish," she breathed.

Julian saw the pain in her eyes as she whispered the words. She dropped her shamed gaze to the floor.

No, his mind roared. Surely she hadn't been through what he suspected. As the very idea went through his mind, an unexpected rage coiled through him. "Were you raped?"

"No," she whispered. "Not... exactly."

His confusion dispelled his anger. "Then what?"

"I was young and stupid," she said softly.

"The pig took advantage of the fact she was grieving over the death of her parents," Selena said, her voice filled with acrimony. "He was one of those 'I just want to take care of you' lying creeps who use you, and then leave you the minute he has what he's after."

"He hurt you?" Julian asked.

Grace nodded.

Another wave of peculiar anger ripped through him. He didn't know why it mattered to him what had happened to her, but for some reason he couldn't fathom, it did.

And he wanted vengeance on her behalf.

He saw her hand shaking. Covering it with his, he gently stroked the backs of her knuckles with his thumb.

"I only slept with him once," she said quietly. "I know there's supposed to be pain the first time, but not like that. And as much as it hurt physically, the worst pain was from the fact that he didn't seem to care. It felt like I was just there to serve him, that I wasn't even a person to him."

Julian's stomach knotted. He knew that feeling all too well.

"Later that week," Grace continued, "when he didn't call or answer his phone, I went by his apartment to see him. It was spring and he had his window open. As I walked by I..." She choked on a sob.

"He and his roommate had a bet going to see who could deflower the most virgins for the year," Selena said. "She overheard them laughing about her."

Rage, dark and deadly, descended on him. He'd known such men, personally. And he never could stand them. Indeed, he had taken great pleasure in purging the earth of their fetid presence.

"I felt so used, so stupid," Grace whispered. She looked up at him. The agony in her eyes seared him. "I don't ever want to feel that way again." She covered her face with one hand, but not before he saw the humiliation in her eyes.

"I'm sorry, Grace," he whispered, pulling her against him.

So, that was it. That was the source of her demons. Julian held her tightly, and leaned his cheek against the top of her hair. The soft, feminine scent of flowers surrounded him.

How he longed to soothe her. And how guilty he felt. No doubt Penelope had felt just as used by him. The gods knew he had done her far more harm in the end.

He should be damned, he thought bitterly.

He had more than earned it, and he wouldn't hurt Grace anymore. She was a good woman with a good heart, and he refused to take advantage of it.

"It's all right, Grace," he said softly, wrapping his arm around her head to cradle it. He kissed her lightly on the top of her head. "I would never ask you to do this for me."

Grace looked up at him in stunned surprise. She couldn't believe he would say such a thing. "I can't not do it."

"Yes you can. You just walk away."

There was such a haunted note to his voice. It was strange and foreign, and spoke volumes about the man he had once been. "Do you really think I could do that?"

"Why not? Every member of my family did it to me. You don't even know me." His gaze turned dull as he released her.

"Julian-"

"Take my word for it, Grace. I'm not worth it." He swallowed hard before he spoke again. "As a general, I was relentless in battle. I can still see the horror-stricken eyes of a thousand men who perished under my sword as I hacked them to pieces without the tiniest bit of remorse."

He met Grace's gaze. "Now why would you ever want to save someone like me?"

In her mind's eye, she saw the way he had cuddled the boy in his arms, heard the way he had threatened Cupid should his brother harm her, and she knew why. He might have done those things in the past, but he wasn't pure evil.

He could have raped her at any time. Instead, the man who had so seldom known kindness had only held her.

No, in spite of his past crimes, there was goodness in him.

Julian had merely been a man of his time. A general in an ancient world forged by battles. A man who had been raised on a battlefield under brutal conditions she couldn't even imagine.

"And your wife?" Grace asked.

A tic began in his jaw. "I lied to her, betrayed and tricked her, and in the end I killed her."

Grace tensed at his unexpected words. "You killed her?"

"I may not have been the one who took her life, but I killed her just the same. Had I not..." His voice trailed off as he clenched his eyes shut.

"What?" she asked. "What happened?"

"I tampered with my destiny and hers, and in the end the Fates punished me for it."

Grace wouldn't let it go at that. "How did she die?"

"She went mad when she learned what I'd done to her. What Eros had done..." Julian buried his face in his hands as memories tore through him. "I was a fool to ever believe Eros could make someone love me."

Grace reached up and brushed a gentle hand across his face. He stared at her. She was so beautiful sitting there. The tenderness in her gaze amazed him. No woman had ever looked at him that way.

Not even Penelope. There had always been something missing when his wife looked at him. Something missing from her touch.

Her heart, he realized with a start. Grace had been right. There was a difference when someone's heart wasn't involved. It was subtle, but he had always felt the hollowness of Penelope's caresses, heard the emptiness in her words, and it had burned him all the way to his blackened soul.

Suddenly, Cupid materialized next to Selena, and gave him a sheepish look. "I forgot something."

Julian let out a long, acerbated breath. "It seems to me, one of you is always forgetting something, and usually, it's the most important something. What did you forget this time?"

Cupid refused to meet his gaze. "As you well know, you're doomed to feel compelled, shall we say, to pleasure the woman who summons you."

Julian glanced to Grace and his groin tightened viciously in response. "I'm very much aware of that fact."

"But are you aware of the fact that every day that passes without your having her, more of your sanity will slip away? By the end of the month, you'll be a stark raving loon from sex deprivation and the only way to cure it is to give in. If you don't, you, my brother, are going to be in so much physical pain that it will make Prometheus's punishment look like he spent eternity in the Elysian Fields."

Selena gasped.

"Isn't Prometheus the god who supposedly gave fire to mankind?" Grace asked.

"Yes," Cupid said.

Grace glanced nervously at Julian. "The one who was chained to a rock and had a buzzard eat his innards every day?"

"And every night he grew a new set for the bird to eat," Julian finished for her. The gods certainly knew how to punish those who displeased them.

Bitter anger coursed through his veins as he glared at Cupid. "I hate all of you."

Cupid nodded. "I know you do. I just wish I had never done what you asked. I am sorry for it. Whether you believe it or not, Mom and I both are."

His emotions churning, Julian could say nothing as desolation rushed through him. He saw Penelope's face in his mind and winced.

It was one thing for his family to punish him, but they should never have gone after the innocent.

Cupid placed a small box on the table in front of him. "If you're to have any hope for freedom, you'll more than likely need those."

"Beware of Greeks bearing gifts," Julian said bitterly as he opened the box to find two pairs of large silver shackles and a set of small keys resting in a bed of dark blue satin. Instantly, he recognized his stepfather's intricate work. "Hephaestus?"

Cupid nodded. "Not even Zeus can break them. When you feel your control slipping, I would advise you to fasten yourself to something really solid and keep..."-he directed a glare at Grace-"her at a distance."

Julian took a deep, ragged breath. He would have laughed at the irony, but he couldn't quite muster it. One way or another during his incarnations, he always seemed to find himself chained to something.

"It's inhuman," Grace gasped.

Cupid gave her a fierce stare. "Baby, believe me, if you don't chain him down, you will regret it."

"How much time do I have?" Julian asked.

He shrugged. "I don't know. It largely depends on you and how much self-control you have." Cupid snorted. "Then again, given it's you, you might be able to slide by without using them at all."

Julian closed the box. He was strong, but he wasn't as optimistic as Eros. His optimism had died a slow, painful death long ago.

Eros clapped him on the back. "Good luck."

Julian didn't speak as Eros left them. He stared at the box while Cupid's words sifted through his mind. If he had learned anything over the centuries, it was to let the Fates have their way.

It was stupid to even think he had a chance to break free. This was his lot and he would accept it. He was a slave, and a slave he would remain.

"Julian?" Grace asked. "What is it?"

"We can't do this. Just take me home, Grace. Take me home, and let me make love to you. Let's just get it over with before someone, most likely you, gets hurt."

"But this is your chance for freedom. It could very well be the only shot you have at it. Have you ever before been summoned by a woman with Alexander in her name?"

"No."

"Then we have to do this."

"You don't understand," he said between clenched teeth. "If what Eros said is true, by the time that last night arrives, I won't be me."

"Who will you be?"

"I'll be a monster."

She looked skeptical. "I don't think you could ever be a monster."

He glared at her. "You have no idea what I'm capable of. And when the gods' madness comes upon you, you are beyond all help. All hope."

A knot settled tight in his stomach.

"You should have never summoned me, Grace." Julian reached for his drink.

"Did you ever think that maybe this was what was meant to be?" she asked suddenly. "Maybe I summoned you because I was meant to free you."

He looked across the table at Selena. "You summoned me because Selena tricked you. All she wanted was for you to have a few nights of pleasure so that you could go off and find a decent man without fear of him hurting you."

"But maybe-"

"No buts, Grace. It's not meant to be."

Grace's gaze fell down to his wrist. She reached out and touched the Greek writing that ran from his inner wrist halfway up his arm.

"How beautiful," she said. "Is it a tattoo?"

"No."

"What is it?" Grace persisted.

"Priapus burned it there," he said, avoiding the answer.

Selena sat forward and looked at it. "It says 'damned for eternity and beyond.' "

Grace closed her hand over the writing and met his gaze. "I can't imagine what you must have suffered all this time. Any more than I can understand why your own brother would do such a thing to you."

"As Cupid said, I knew better than to touch one of Priapus's virgins."

"So, why did you do it?"

"I was stupid."

Grace ground her teeth, wanting to strangle him. Why couldn't he just answer her questions? "What would make you-"

"I have no wish to discuss it," he snapped.

She released his arm. "Have you ever let anyone close to you, Julian? I bet you've always been one of those men who trusted no one near your heart. One of those guys who would rather have his tongue cut out than actually let anyone know you're anything but impervious. Were you like that with Penelope?"

Julian looked away as memories poured through him.

Memories of a childhood spent in hunger and deprivation.

Memories of nights spent in agony of...

"Yes," he said simply. "I was always alone."

Grace felt for him. But she couldn't let him give up.

Somehow she would find a way to reach him. To make him want to try and break the curse.

Surely there had to be some way to make him fight this.

And she vowed to find it.