Undead and Unappreciated

"I have got to meet this woman!" Jessica gasped.

"It was unreal," I announced. "Totally, massively unreal. Honestly, I was afraid to take my eyes off her. And then she got over it and she was as nice as chocolate pie again."

"Huh. Did scary magical stuff happen?"

"Nothing besides the evil hair and colored contacts. Oh, and she gorged herself on four more muffins."

"That is evil."

"I know! She's as thin as a stick."

Jessica handed George a navy blue skein of yarn. We were in the basement, where she had fixed up his little concrete room with curtains (duct-taped to the walls), a mattress, lots of blankets, and about sixty pillows. An entire corner of the room had been taken up with a rainbow of crochet chains. George only knew one stitch. Still, the fact that he was stitching and not stabbing was a relief.

He didn't seem to mind Jessica poking around in his room, though we were careful-she was never alone with him. As long as I fed him regularly, he didn't even sniff in her direction. So she read to him, brought him yarn, tempted him with smoothies (which he disdained), and in general found him fascinating. He was keeping clean, too, and showering on his own. I'd borrowed lots of clothes for him from Marc and Eric, though he refused socks and underpants. He took the yarn she offered, slipped off the paper covering, and started to roll it into a ball.

I finished Noxema-ing my face-I might be eternally young, but vampires got dirty faces just like everyone else. Those little disposable towelettes were a godsend; I kept a ton in my purse. "I guess we'll have to keep an eye on her."

"You didn't figure that out after the mysterious weapons of hellfire?"

"Yeah, but now I really want to keep an eye on her. I mean, it's great that she turned her back on her destiny-"

"But can you really?" Jessica asked quietly.

"Exactly. I mean, look at Eric and me. I swore we'd never be together, but-"

"Your inner whore would not be denied," she finished.

"That is not what I was going to say."

"Sure," she sneered.

"You know, you could go back to not talking to me again."

"You wish."

Two hours later, I was just getting to the part in the movie where Rhett sweeps a struggling Scarlett up the stairs when the phone at my elbow rang. Oooh, Clark Gable! I was normally not a fan of facial hair, but he was the exception to the rule. Those lips, those eyes! And the phone was still ringing. Nuts. I had to do everything myself.

I picked it up, gaze still riveted to the screen. "Hello?"

"Good evening, Your Majesty. I hope you don't mind my calling instead of seeing you in person, but there's so much to do, I'm a little short on time."

"Who the hell is this?"

"It's Andrea," she said, sounding worried.

"Oh, right. That was a test, Andrea. And you just passed."

"Thank you, Your Majesty. I was just calling to make sure you had everything you needed for tomorrow night."

"Tomorrow night?"

"My wedding," Andrea prompted me thinly.

"Oh. Oh! Right! Your wedding. I totally didn't forget about it again. Wow, tomorrow's Halloween already, huh?"

"No. Tomorrow is the rehearsal."

"Right, right. Well, I guess we'll see you tomorrow."

"My father can't make it, and my mother is out of the country..." She trailed off. I happened to know (from Tina, who was a remarkably tactful but accurate gossip) that Andrea's parents thought she was still dead. Well, none of my business.

"Hey," I said suddenly. "Do you mind if my sister comes?" Laura would get a kick out of it, not to mention Operation Keep an Eye on the Spawn of Satan would be a lot easier. And if there was a sudden wedding coup, she'd come in handy. "It's up to you, it's your wedding, but-"

"Your-no, of course not. I'd be honored. Any of your family members are welcome."

"That's nice of you, but I put my foot down with my mom."

"Ma'am, that's not necessary."

"No, it totally is. She's looking at this from a cultural perspective, and I can just tell she's dying to corner Tina and grill her about Life Back Then."

"Truly, Your Majesty. I don't mind." Andrea sounded like she was cheering up. "Someone's mother should be there."

"Oh." When you put it that way. "Well, okay. I'll let her know. She'll be thrilled. Sincerely."

"That sounds wonderful." Yep, she had definitely cheered up. I felt a little better. It was bad enough that my dad knew I was dead and ignored me. What must it be like for her?

For that matter, what must it be like to outlive your whole family? Not that it was Andrea's problem yet, but it would be. It was Tina's and Sinclair's right now, and had been for years. Someday it would be mine. Mom, Dad, the Ant, Jessica, Marc... all gone. Laura, too? I didn't know. With her fiendish powers and low cholesterol, she could live for five hundred years.

I shook it off. "So we'll see you tomorrow, then. Say hi to Daniel for me."

"I will. Good night, Majesty."

I hung up and hit the Stop button on the DVD player. Yikes! The wedding! Time to go shopping before I forgot about it again.