The New Dead: A Zombie Anthology

BY JOE HILL

WHAT IS TWITTER?

'Twitter is a service for friends, family, and co-workers to communicate and stay connected through the exchange of quick, frequent answers to one simple question: What are you doing? . . . Answers must be under 140 characters in length and can be sent via mobile texting, instant message, or the web.'

- from twitter.com

TYME2WASTE

TYME2WASTE I'm only trying this because I'm so bored I wish I was dead. Hi Twitter. Want to know what I'm doing? Screaming inside.

8:17 PM February 28th from Tweetie

TYME2WASTE My didn't that sound melodramatic.

8:19 PM February 28th from Tweetie

TYME2WASTE Lets try this again. Hello Twitterverse. I am Blake and Blake is me. What am I doing? Counting seconds.

8:23 PM February 28th from Tweetie

TYME2WASTE Only about 50,000 more until we pack up and finish what is hopefully the last family trip of my life.

8:25 PM February 28th from Tweetie

TYME2WASTE It's been all downhill since we got to Colorado. And I don't mean on my snowboard.

8:27 PM February 28th from Tweetie

TYME2WASTE We were supposed to spend the break boarding and skiing but it's too cold and won't stop snowing so we had to go to plan B.

8:29 PM February 28th from Tweetie

TYME2WASTE Plan B is Mom and I face off in a contest to see who can make the other cry hot tears of rage and hate first.

8:33 PM February 28th from Tweetie

TYME2WASTE I'm winning. All I have to do to make Mom leave the room at this point is walk into it. Wait, I'm walking into room where she is now . . .

8:35 PM February 28th from Tweetie

TYME2WASTE She's such a mean bitch.

10:11 PM February 28th from Tweetie

TYME2WASTE @caseinSD, @bevsez, @harmlesspervo yay my real friends! I miss San Diego. Home soon.

10:41 PM February 28th from Tweetie

TYME2WASTE @caseinSD Hell no I'm not afraid Mom is going to read any of this. She's never going to know about it.

10:46 PM February 28th from Tweetie

TYME2WASTE After she made me take down my blog, it's not like I'm ever going to tell her.

10:48 PM February 28th from Tweetie

TYME2WASTE You know what bitchy thing she said to me a couple hours ago? She said the reason I don't like Colorado is because I can't blog about it.

10:53 PM February 28th from Tweetie

TYME2WASTE She's always saying the net is more real for me and my friends than the world. For us, nothing really happens till someone blogs about it.

10:55 PM February 28th from Tweetie

TYME2WASTE Or writes about it on their Facebook page. Or at least sends an instant message about it. She says the internet is 'life-validation.'

10:55 PM February 28th from Tweetie

TYME2WASTE Oh and we don't go online because it's fun. She has this attitude that people socially network 'cause they're scared to die. It's deep.

10:58 PM February 28th from Tweetie

TYME2WASTE She sez no one ever blogs their own death. No one instant messages about it. No one's Facebook status ever says 'dead.'

10:59 PM February 28th from Tweetie

TYME2WASTE So for online people, death doesn't happen. People go online to hide from death and wind up hiding from life. Words right from her lips.

11:01 PM February 28th from Tweetie

TYME2WASTE Shit like that, she ought to write fortune cookies for a living. You see why I want to strangle her. With an Ethernet cable.

11:02 PM February 28th from Tweetie

TYME2WASTE Little bro asked if I could blog about him having sex with a certain goth girl from school to make it real but no one laughed.

11:06 PM February 28th from Tweetie

TYME2WASTE I told Mom, no, the reason I hate Colorado is 'cause I'm stuck with her and it's all waaaaay too real.

11:09 PM February 28th from Tweetie

TYME2WASTE And she said that was progress and got this smug bitch look on her face and then Dad threw down his book & left the room.

11:11 PM February 28th from Tweetie

TYME2WASTE I feel worst for him. A few more months and I'm gone forever but he's stuck with her for life and all her anger and the rest of it.

11:13 PM February 28th from Tweetie

TYME2WASTE I'm sure he wishes he just got us plane tickets now. Suddenly our van is looking like the setting for a cage match duel to the death.

11:15 PM February 28th from Tweetie

TYME2WASTE All of us jammed in together for 3 days. Who will emerge alive? Place your bets ladies and germs. Personally I predict no survivors.

11:19 PM February 28th from Tweetie

TYME2WASTE Arrr. Fuck. Shit. It was dark when I went to bed and it is dark now and Dad says it's time to leave. This is so terribly wrong.

6:21 AM March 1st from Tweetie

TYME2WASTE We're going. Mom gave the condo a careful search to make sure nothing got left behind, which is how she found me.

7:01 AM March 1st from Tweetie

TYME2WASTE Damn knew I needed a better hiding place.

7:02 AM March 1st from Tweetie

TYME2WASTE Dad just said the whole trip ought to take between thirty-five and forty hours. I offer this as conclusive proof there is no God.

7:11 AM March 1st from Tweetie

TYME2WASTE Writing something on Twitter just to piss Mom off. She knows if I'm typing something on my phone I'm obviously engaged in a sinful act.

7:23 AM March 1st from Tweetie

TYME2WASTE I'm expressing myself and staying in touch with my friends and she hates it. Whereas if I was knitting and unpopular . . .

7:25 AM March 1st from Tweetie

TYME2WASTE . . . then I'd be just like her when she was 17. And I'd also marry the first guy who came along and get knocked up by 19.

7:25 AM March 1st from Tweetie

TYME2WASTE Coming down the mountain in the snow. Coming down the mountain in the snow. 1 more hairpin turn and my stomach's gonna blow . . .

7:30 AM March 1st from Tweetie

TYME2WASTE My contribution to this glorious family moment is going to come when I barf on my little brother's head.

7:49 AM March 1st from Tweetie

TYME2WASTE If we wind up in a snowbank and have a Donner Party, I know whose ass they'll be chewing on first. Mine.

7:52 AM March 1st from Tweetie

TYME2WASTE Of course my survival skilz would amount to Twittering madly for someone to rescue us.

7:54 AM March 1st from Tweetie

TYME2WASTE Mom would make a slingshot out of rubber from the tyres, kill squirrels with it, stitch a fur bikini out of 'em and be sad when we got saved.

7:56 AM March 1st from Tweetie

TYME2WASTE Dad would go out of his mind because we'd have to burn his books to stay warm.

8:00 AM March 1st from Tweetie

TYME2WASTE Eric would put on a pair of my pantyhose. Not to stay warm. Just cause my little brother wants to wear my pantyhose.

8:00 AM March 1st from Tweetie

TYME2WASTE I wrote that last bit cause Eric was looking over my shoulder.

8:02 AM March 1st from Tweetie

TYME2WASTE But the sick bastard said wearing my pantyhose is the closest he'll probably come to getting laid in high school.

8:06 AM March 1st from Tweetie

TYME2WASTE He's completely gross but I love him.

8:06 AM March 1st from Tweetie

TYME2WASTE Mom taught him to knit while we were snowed in here in happy CO and he knitted himself a cocksock and then she was sorry.

8:11 AM March 1st from Tweetie

TYME2WASTE I miss my blog which she had no right to make me take down.

8:13 AM March 1st from Tweetie

TYME2WASTE But Twittering is better than blogging because my blog always made me feel like I should have interesting ideas to blog about.

8:14 AM March 1st from Tweetie

TYME2WASTE But on Twitter every post can only be 140 letters long. Which is enough room to cover every interesting thing to ever happen to me.

8:15 AM March 1st from Tweetie

TYME2WASTE True. Check it out.

8:15 AM March 1st from Tweetie

TYME2WASTE Born. School. Mall. Cell phone. Driver's permit. Broke my nose playing trapeze at 8 - there goes the modeling career. Need to lose 10 lbs.

8:19 AM March 1st from Tweetie

TYME2WASTE Think that covers it.

8:20 AM March 1st from Tweetie

TYME2WASTE It's snowing in the mountains but not down here snow falling in the sunlight in a storm of gold. Goodbye beautiful mountains.

9:17 AM March 1st from Tweetie

TYME2WASTE Hello not so beautiful Utah desert. Utah is brown and puckered like Judy Kennedy's weird nipples.

9:51 AM March 1st from Tweetie

TYME2WASTE @caseinSD Yes she does have weird nipples. And it doesn't make me a lesbo for noticing. Everyone notices.

10:02 AM March 1st from Tweetie

TYME2WASTE Sagebrush!!!!!! W00t!

11:09 AM March 1st from Tweetie

TYME2WASTE Now Eric is trying on my pantyhose. He's bored. Mom thinks its funny but Dad is stressed.

12:20 PM March 1st from Tweetie

TYME2WASTE I dared Eric to wear a skirt in the diner to get our takeout. Dad says no. Mom is still laughing.

12:36 PM March 1st from Tweetie

TYME2WASTE I promised him if he does it I'll invite a certain hot goth to the pool party in April so he can see her in her tacky bikini.

12:39 PM March 1st from Tweetie

TYME2WASTE Theres no way he'll do it.

12:42 PM March 1st from Tweetie

TYME2WASTE ZOMG hes doing it. Dad is going into the diner with him to make sure he isn't killed by offended Mormons.

12:44 PM March 1st from Tweetie

TYME2WASTE Eric came back alive. Eric saves the day. I'm actually glad to be in the van right now.

12:59 PM March 1st from Tweetie

TYME2WASTE Dad says Eric sat at the bar and talked football with this big trucker guy. Trucker guy was fine with the skirt and pantyhose.

1:03 PM March 1st from Tweetie

TYME2WASTE He's still wearing it. The skirt. He's probably a total closet tranny. Sicko. Course that would be fun. We could shop together.

1:45 PM March 1st from Tweetie

TYME2WASTE @caseinSD Yes we do have to invite a certain goth to the pool party now. She probably won't even come. I think sunlight burns her.

2:09 PM March 1st from Tweetie

TYME2WASTE Every time I start to fall asleep the van hits a bump and my head falls off the seat.

11:01 PM March 1st from Tweetie

TYME2WASTE Trying to sleep.

11:31 PM March 1st from Tweetie

TYME2WASTE I give up trying to sleep.

1:01 AM March 2nd from Tweetie

TYME2WASTE Oh fuck Eric. He's asleep and he looks like he's having a wet dream about a certain goth chick.

1:07 AM March 2nd from Tweetie

TYME2WASTE Meanwhile I'd have a better chance of sleeping if there were only steel pins inserted under my eyelids.

1:09 AM March 2nd from Tweetie

TYME2WASTE I'm so happy right now. I just want to hold this moment for as long as I can.

6:11 AM March 2nd from Tweetie

TYME2WASTE I just want to be home. I hate Mom. I hate everyone in the van. Including myself.

8:13 AM March 2nd from Tweetie

TYME2WASTE Okay. This is why I was happy earlier. It was 4 in the morning and Mom pulled into a rest area and then she came and got me.

10:21 AM March 2nd from Tweetie

TYME2WASTE She said it was my turn to drive. I said my permit is only for driving in Cali and she just said get behind the wheel.

10:22 AM March 2nd from Tweetie

TYME2WASTE She told me if I got pulled over to wake her up and we'd switch and everything would be all right.

10:23 AM March 2nd from Tweetie

TYME2WASTE So she went to sleep in the passenger seat and I drove. We were down in the desert and the sun came up behind us.

10:25 AM March 2nd from Tweetie

TYME2WASTE And then there were coyotes in the road. In the red sunlight. They were all over the interstate and I stopped so I wouldn't hit them.

10:26 AM March 2nd from Tweetie

TYME2WASTE Their eyes were gold and the sun was in their fur and there were so many, this huge pack. Just standing there like they were waiting for me.

10:28 AM March 2nd from Tweetie

TYME2WASTE I wanted to take a picture with my cell phone, but I couldn't figure out where I left it. While I was looking for it they disappeared.

10:31 AM March 2nd from Tweetie

TYME2WASTE When Mom woke up I told her all about them. And then I thought she'd be mad I didn't shake her awake to see them so I said I was sorry.

10:34 AM March 2nd from Tweetie

TYME2WASTE And she said she was glad I didn't wake her up, because that moment was just for me. And for like three seconds I liked her again.

10:35 AM March 2nd from Tweetie

TYME2WASTE But then in the place we ate breakfast I was looking at my e-mail for a sec. & I heard Mom saying to the waitress, we apologize for her.

10:37 AM March 2nd from Tweetie

TYME2WASTE I guess the waitress was standing there waiting for my order and I didn't notice.

10:40 AM March 2nd from Tweetie

TYME2WASTE But I didn't sleep all night and I was tired and zoned out and that's why I didn't notice, not 'cause I was looking at the phone.

10:42 AM March 2nd from Tweetie

TYME2WASTE And Mom had to trot out her stories about being a waitress herself and that it was demeaning not to be acknowledged.

10:45 AM March 2nd from Tweetie

TYME2WASTE Just to rub it in. And she can be completely right and I can still hate the way she makes me feel like shit at every opportunity.

10:46 AM March 2nd from Tweetie

TYME2WASTE I napped but I don't feel better.

4:55 PM March 2nd from Tweetie

TYME2WASTE Dad of course has to go the slowest possible route by way of every back road. Mom says he missed a turn and added 100 miles to the trip.

6:30 PM March 2nd from Tweetie

TYME2WASTE Now Mom and Dad are fighting. OMG I want out of this van.

6:37 PM March 2nd from Tweetie

TYME2WASTE Eric I am psychically willing you to find some reason for us to get off the road. Put on the pantyhose again. Say you have to pee.

6:49 PM March 2nd from Tweetie

TYME2WASTE Anything. Please.

6:49 PM March 2nd from Tweetie

TYME2WASTE No no no Eric, no. When I was sending you psychic signals, I was not signaling to you to pull over for this.

6:57 PM March 2nd from Tweetie

TYME2WASTE Mom doesn't want to pull over either. Write it down, kids, first time in two years we've agreed on anything.

7:00 PM March 2nd from Tweetie

TYME2WASTE Oh Dad is being a prick now. He says there was no point in taking backroads if we weren't going to find some culture.

7:02 PM March 2nd from Tweetie

TYME2WASTE We are driving up to something called the Circus of the Dead. The ticket guy looks really REALLY sick. Not funny sick. SICK sick.

7:06 PM March 2nd from Tweetie

TYME2WASTE Sores around his mouth and few teeth and I can smell him. He's got a pet rat. His pet rat dived in his pocket and came out with the tickets.

7:08 PM March 2nd from Tweetie

TYME2WASTE No it wasn't cute. None of us want to touch the tickets.

7:10 PM March 2nd from Tweetie

TYME2WASTE Boy, they're really packing them in. Show starts in 15 min. but the parking lot is 1/2 empty. The big top is a black tent with holes in it.

7:13 PM March 2nd from Tweetie

TYME2WASTE Mom says to be sure to keep doing whatever I'm doing on my phone. She wouldn't want me to look up and see something happening.

7:17 PM March 2nd from Tweetie

TYME2WASTE Oh that was shitty. She just said to Dad that I'll love the circus because it'll be just like the internet.

7:18 PM March 2nd from Tweetie

TYME2WASTE Youtube is full of clowns, message boards are full of firebreathers and blogs are for people who can't live without a spotlight on them.

7:20 PM March 2nd from Tweetie

TYME2WASTE I'm going to tweet like 5 times a minute and make her insane.

7:21 PM March 2nd from Tweetie

TYME2WASTE The usher is a funny old Mickey Rooney type with a bowler and a cigar. He also has on a hazmat suit. He says so he can't get bitten.

7:25 PM March 2nd from Tweetie

TYME2WASTE I almost fell twice on the walk to our seats. Guess they're saving $ on lights. I'm using my iPhone as a flashlight. Hope there isn't a fire.

7:28 PM March 2nd from Tweetie

TYME2WASTE God this is the stinkiest circus ever. I don't know what I'm smelling. Are those the animals? Call PETA.

7:30 PM March 2nd from Tweetie

TYME2WASTE I can't believe how many people there are. Every seat is taken. Don't know where this crowd came from.

7:31 PM March 2nd from Tweetie

TYME2WASTE They must've had us park in a secondary parking lot. Oh, wait, they just flipped on a spotlight. Showtime. Beating heart, restrain yourself.

7:34 PM March 2nd from Tweetie

TYME2WASTE Well that got Eric and Dad's attention. The ringmistress came out on stilts and she's practically naked. Fishnets and top hat.

7:38 PM March 2nd from Tweetie

TYME2WASTE She's weird. She talks like she's stoned. Did I mention there are zombies in clown outfits chasing her around?

7:40 PM March 2nd from Tweetie

TYME2WASTE The zombies are waaay gross. They have on big clown shoes, and polka dot outfits, and clown makeup.

7:43 PM March 2nd from Tweetie

TYME2WASTE But the makeup is flaking off, and beneath it they're all rotted and black. Yow! They almost grabbed her. She's quick.

7:44 PM March 2nd from Tweetie

TYME2WASTE She says she's been a prisoner of the circus for six weeks and that she survived because she learned the stilts fast.

7:47 PM March 2nd from Tweetie

TYME2WASTE She said her boyfriend couldn't walk on them and fell down and was eaten his first night. She said her best friend was eaten the 2nd night.

7:49 PM March 2nd from Tweetie

TYME2WASTE She walked right up to the wall under us and begged someone to pull her over and rescue her, but the guy in the front row just laughed.

7:50 PM March 2nd from Tweetie

TYME2WASTE Then she had to run away in a hurry before Zippo the Zombie knocked her off her stilts. It's all very well choreographed.

7:50 PM March 2nd from Tweetie

TYME2WASTE You can totally believe they're trying to get her.

7:51 PM March 2nd from Tweetie

TYME2WASTE They rolled a cannon out. She said here at the Circus of the Dead we always begin things with a bang. She read it off a card.

7:54 PM March 2nd from Tweetie

TYME2WASTE She walked up to a tall door and banged on it and for a minute I didn't think they were going to let her out of the ring, but then they did.

7:55 PM March 2nd from Tweetie

TYME2WASTE Two men in hazmat suits just led a zombie out. He's got a metal collar around his neck with a black stick attached.

7:56 PM March 2nd from Tweetie

TYME2WASTE They're using the stick to hold him at a distance so he can't grab them.

7:57 PM March 2nd from Tweetie

TYME2WASTE Eric says he has fantasies about a certain goth girl putting him in a rig like that.

7:58 PM March 2nd from Tweetie

TYME2WASTE This show would be a great date for the two of them. It's got a hint of sex, a whiff of bondage, and it's really really morbid.

7:59 PM March 2nd from Tweetie

TYME2WASTE They put the zombie in the cannon.

8:00 PM March 2nd from Tweetie

TYME2WASTE Auuuughhh! They pointed the cannon at the crowd and fired it and fucking pieces of zombie went everywhere.

8:03 PM March 2nd from Tweetie

TYME2WASTE The guy in the row in front of us got smashed in the mouth with a flying shoe. He's bleeding and everything.

8:05 PM March 2nd from Tweetie

TYME2WASTE Fucking yuck! There's still a foot inside the shoe! It's totally realistic looking.

8:08 PM March 2nd from Tweetie

TYME2WASTE The guy sitting in front of us just walked off w/his wife to complain. Same dude who laffed at the ringmistress when she asked for help.

8:11 PM March 2nd from Tweetie

TYME2WASTE Dad had a zombie lip in his hair. I am so glad I didn't eat lunch. Looks like a gummy worm and it smells like ass.

8:13 PM March 2nd from Tweetie

TYME2WASTE Naturally Eric wants to keep it.

8:13 PM March 2nd from Tweetie

TYME2WASTE Here comes the ringmistress again. She says the next act is the cat's meo.

8:14 PM March 2nd from Tweetie

TYME2WASTE OMG OMG that was not funny. She almost fell down and the way they were snarling.

8:16 PM March 2nd from Tweetie

TYME2WASTE The men in hazmat suits just wheeled in a lion in a cage. Yay, a lion! I am still girl enough to like a big cat.

8:17 PM March 2nd from Tweetie

TYME2WASTE Oh that's a really sad sick looking lion. Not fun. They're opening the cage and sending in zombies and he's hissing like a housecat.

8:19 PM March 2nd from Tweetie

TYME2WASTE Roawwwwr! Lion power. He's swatting them down and shredding them apart. He's got an arm in his mouth. Everyone cheering.

8:21 PM March 2nd from Tweetie

TYME2WASTE Eeeuuuw. Not so much cheering now. He's got one and he's tugging out its guts like he's pulling on one end of a tug rope.

8:22 PM March 2nd from Tweetie

TYME2WASTE They're sending in more zombies. No one laughing or cheering now. It's really crowded in there.

8:24 PM March 2nd from Tweetie

TYME2WASTE I can't even see the lion anymore. Lots of angry snarling and flying fur and walking corpses getting knocked around.

8:24 PM March 2nd from Tweetie

TYME2WASTE OH GROSS. The lion made a sound, like this scared whine, and now the zombies are passing around organ meat and hunks of fur.

8:25 PM March 2nd from Tweetie

TYME2WASTE They're eating. That's awful. I feel sick.

8:26 PM March 2nd from Tweetie

TYME2WASTE Dad saw I was getting upset and told me how they did it. The cage has a false bottom. They pulled the lion out through the floor.

8:30 PM March 2nd from Tweetie

TYME2WASTE You really get swept up in this thing.

8:30 PM March 2nd from Tweetie

TYME2WASTE The Mickey Rooney guy who led us back to the seats just showed up with a flashlight. He says we left the headlights on in the van.

8:31 PM March 2nd from Tweetie

TYME2WASTE Eric went to turn them off. He has to pee anyway.

8:32 PM March 2nd from Tweetie

TYME2WASTE The fireswallower just came out. He has no eyes and there's some kind of steel contraption forcing his head back and his mouth open.

8:34 PM March 2nd from Tweetie

TYME2WASTE One of the men in the hazmat suits is FUCK ME.

8:35 PM March 2nd from Tweetie

TYME2WASTE They shoved a torch down his throat and now he's burning! He's running around with smoke coming out of his mouth and

8:36 PM March 2nd from Tweetie

TYME2WASTE fire in his head coming out his eyes like a jack o lante

8:36 PM March 2nd from Tweetie

TYME2WASTE They just let him burn to death from the inside out. Realest thing I've ever seen.

8:39 PM March 2nd from Tweetie

TYME2WASTE What's even realer is the corpse after the hazmat guys sprayed it down with the fire extinguishers. It looks so sad and shriveled and black.

8:39 PM March 2nd from Tweetie

TYME2WASTE The ringmistress is back. She's really weaving around. I think something is wrong with her ankle.

8:40 PM March 2nd from Tweetie

TYME2WASTE She says someone from the audience has agreed to be tonight's sacrifice. She says he will be the lucky one.

8:41 PM March 2nd from Tweetie

TYME2WASTE He? I thought the sacrifice was usually a girl in this sort of situation.

8:41 PM March 2nd from Tweetie

TYME2WASTE Oh no he did not. They just wheeled Eric out, cuffed to a big wooden wheel. He winked on the way past. Psycho. Go Eric!

8:42 PM March 2nd from Tweetie

TYME2WASTE They hauled out a zombie and chained him to a stake in the dirt. There's a box of hatchets in front of him. Don't like where this is going.

8:43 PM March 2nd from Tweetie

TYME2WASTE Everyone's laughing now. The lion scene was a little grim, but we're back to funny again. The zombie threw the first hatchet into the crowd.

8:45 PM March 2nd from Tweetie

TYME2WASTE There was a thunk, and someone screamed like they got it in the head. Obvious plant.

8:45 PM March 2nd from Tweetie

TYME2WASTE Eric is spinning around and around on the wheel. He's telling the zombie to kill him before he throws up.

8:46 PM March 2nd from Tweetie

TYME2WASTE Eeeks! I'm not as brave as Eric. A knife just banged into the wheel next to his head. Like: INCHES. Eric screamed too. Bet he wishes now

8:47 PM March 2nd from Tweetie

TYME2WASTE OMGOMGO

8:47 PM March 2nd from Tweetie

TYME2WASTE Okay. He must be okay. He was still smiling when they wheeled him out of the ring. The hatchet went right in the side of his neck.

8:50 PM March 2nd from Tweetie

TYME2WASTE Dad says it's a trick. Dad says he's fine. He says later Eric will come out as a zombie. That it's part of the show.

8:51 PM March 2nd from Tweetie

TYME2WASTE Yep, looks like Dad's right. They've promised Eric will reemerge shortly.

8:53 PM March 2nd from Tweetie

TYME2WASTE Mom is wigging. She wants Dad to check on Eric.

8:54 PM March 2nd from Tweetie

TYME2WASTE She's being kind of crazy. She's talking about how the guy who sat in front of us never came back after he got hit by the shoe.

8:55 PM March 2nd from Tweetie

TYME2WASTE I don't really see what that has to do with Eric. And besides, if I got hit by a flying shoe . . .

8:55 PM March 2nd from Tweetie

TYME2WASTE Okay, Dad is going to check on Eric. Sanity restored.

8:56 PM March 2nd from Tweetie

TYME2WASTE Here comes the ringmistress again. This is why Eric agreed to go backstage. With the fishnets and black panties she's very goth-hot.

8:56 PM March 2nd from Tweetie

TYME2WASTE She's being weird. She isn't saying anything about the next act. She says if she goes off script they don't let her out of the ring.

8:57 PM March 2nd from Tweetie

TYME2WASTE But she doesn't care. She says she twisted her ankle and she knows tonight is her last night.

8:58 PM March 2nd from Tweetie

TYME2WASTE She says her name is Gail Ross and she went to high school in Plano.

8:59 PM March 2nd from Tweetie

TYME2WASTE She says she was going to marry her boyfriend after college. She says his name was Craig and he wanted to teach.

9:00 PM March 2nd from Tweetie

TYME2WASTE She says she's sorry for all of us. She says they take our cars and dispose of them while we're in the tent.

9:01 PM March 2nd from Tweetie

TYME2WASTE She says 12,000 people vanish every year on the roads with no explanation, their cars turn up empty or not at all and no one will miss us.

9:02 PM March 2nd from Tweetie

TYME2WASTE Creepy stuff. Here's Eric. His zombie makeup is really good. Most of the zombies are black and rotted but he looks like fresh kill.

9:03 PM March 2nd from Tweetie

TYME2WASTE Still got the hatchet in the neck. That looks totally fake.

9:03 PM March 2nd from Tweetie

TYME2WASTE He's not very good at being a zombie. He isn't even trying to walk slow. He's really going after her.

9:04 PM March 2nd from Tweetie

TYME2WASTE oh shit I hope that's part of the show. He just knocked her down. Oh Eric Eric Eric. She hit the dirt really, really hard.

9:05 PM March 2nd from Tweetie

TYME2WASTE They're eating her like they ate the lion. Eric is playing with guts. He's so gross. He's going totally method.

9:07 PM March 2nd from Tweetie

TYME2WASTE Gymnastics now. They're making a human pyramid. Or maybe I should say an INhuman pyramid. They're surprisingly good at it. For zombies.

9:10 PM March 2nd from Tweetie

TYME2WASTE Eric is climbing the pyramid like he knows what he's doing. I wonder if they gave him backstage training or

9:11 PM March 2nd from Tweetie

TYME2WASTE He's up high enough to grab the wall around the ring. He's snarling at someone in the front row, just a couple feet from here. Wait

9:13 PM March 2nd from Tweetie

TYME2WASTE no lights fuck thta was stupid whyd they put out the

9:14 PM March 2nd from Tweetie

TYME2WASTE someones screaming

9:15 PM March 2nd from Tweetie

TYME2WASTE this is really dangerous its so dark and lots of people are screaming and getting up. im mad now you don't do this to people you don't

9:18 PM March 2nd from Tweetie

TYME2WASTE we need help we areacv

9:32 PM March 2nd from Tweetie

TYME2WASTE gtttttgggtttggttttttttgggbbbnnnfrfffgt

9:32 PM March 2nd from Tweetie

TYME2WASTE I cant say anything theyll hear. were beinb ver y qiuet wevegot a plas

10:17 PM March 2nd from Tweetie

TYME2WASTE were off i70 mom says it was exit 331 but we drove a long way the last town we saw was called ucmba

10:19 PM March 2nd from Tweetie

TYME2WASTE cumba

10:19 PM March 2nd from Tweetie

TYME2WASTE the people in the stands were all dead except for us and a few others and they were roped together tethered

10:20 PM March 2nd from Tweetie

TYME2WASTE please someone send help call UT state police not making this up

10:22 PM March 2nd from Tweetie

TYME2WASTE @caseinSD lease help you know me you know I wouldnt isnta joke

10:23 PM March 2nd from Tweetie

TYME2WASTE have to be quiet so I can't call got the ringer is turned off

10:24 PM March 2nd from Tweetie

TYME2WASTE AZ state police mom says its arizona not UT our van is a white econlein

10:27 PM March 2nd from Tweetie

TYME2WASTE its quiet less screaming now less growling

10:50 PM March 2nd from Tweetie

TYME2WASTE theyre dragging people into piles

10:56 PM March 2nd from Tweetie

TYME2WASTE eating theyre eating them

11:09 PM March 2nd from Tweetie

TYME2WASTE the man who got hit by the shoe earlier walked by but he isn't like he was he hes dead now

11:11 PM March 2nd from Tweetie

TYME2WASTE just mom and me i love my mom shes so brave i love her so much so much i never ment it none of the bad things not one i am with her i am

11:37 PM March 2nd from Tweetie

TYME2WASTE imso csared

11:39 PM March 2nd from Tweetie

TYME2WASTE theyresearching to see if anyone is left with flashlights the men in hazmat soups i say go out mom says no

11:41 PM March 2nd from Tweetie

TYME2WASTE were here were waiting for help please forward this to everyone on twitter this is true not an internet prank believe believe believe pleves

12:03 AM March 3rd from Tweetie

TYME2WASTE ohgod it was dad went by mom sat up and said his name and mom and dad and mom and dad

12:09 AM March 3rd from Tweetie

TYME2WASTE notdad oh my oh bnb nnnb ;;/'/.,/;'././/

12:13 AM March 3rd from Tweetie

TYME2WASTE /'/.

12:13 AM March 3rd from Tweetie

TYME2WASTE Were you SCARED by this TWITTER FEED???!?!?

9:17 AM March 3rd from Tweetie

TYME2WASTE The FEAR - and THE FUN - is only just BEGINNING!

9:20 AM March 3rd from Tweetie

TYME2WASTE 'THE CIRCUS OF THE DEAD' featuring our newest RINGMISTRESS the SEXY & DARING BLAKE THE BLACKHEARTED.

9:22 AM March 3rd from Tweetie

TYME2WASTE Watch as our newest QUEEN OF THE TRAPEZE introduces our PERVERSE & PERNICIOUS performers . . .

9:23 AM March 3rd from Tweetie

TYME2WASTE . . . while DANGLING FROM A ROPE ABOVE THE RAVENOUS DEAD!

9:23 AM March 3rd from Tweetie

TYME2WASTE A CIRCUS so SHOCKING it makes the JIM ROSE CIRCUS look like THE MUPPET SHOW!

9:25 AM March 3rd from Tweetie

TYME2WASTE Now touring with stops in ALL CORNERS OF THE COUNTRY!

9:26 AM March 3rd from Tweetie

TYME2WASTE Visit our Facebook page and join our E-MAIL LIST to find out when we'll be in YOUR AREA.

9:28 AM March 3rd from Tweetie

TYME2WASTE STAY CONNECTED OR YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'LL MISS!

9:30 AM March 3rd from Tweetie

TYME2WASTE 'THE CIRCUS OF THE DEAD' . . . Where YOU are the concessions! Other circuses promise DEATH-DEFYING THRILLS!

9:31 AM March 3rd from Tweetie

TYME2WASTE BUT ONLY WE DELIVER! (Tix to be purchased at box office day of show. No refunds. Cash only. Minors must be accompanied by adult.)

9:31 AM March 3rd from Tweetie