He laughed deep in his throat. “Maybe I can convince you.”
“Maybe. But you’ll have to be very convincing with your tongue before I’ll give this another try.”
He stroked my hipbone and back, and I smiled to myself. I’d been worried all day because of the conversation with Mansueto. Now I felt lighter. Nothing had changed. I’d keep the truth from Cassio, for himself and for the kids.
“I think Simona is starting to speak.”
“What did she say?” Cassio sounded tired, his voice even lower than usual.
“Dada. It sounds a bit like Dad.”
Cassio squeezed my arm but didn’t say anything.
“I’ve been wondering what she’s supposed to call me. I know Daniele calls me Giulia, but…” I swallowed, worried about voicing my idea “…but I thought maybe Simona wants to call me mom. She doesn’t remember Gaia, and it would be sad if she never had someone she could call Mom. She—”
Cassio finally interrupted my rambling by pulling back and kissing me. “You’re right. You are her mom now, so that’s what she should call you. She’ll probably get confused in the beginning because Daniele calls you Giulia.”
“Yeah, but that’s okay. I’ll move at their pace. I’m just happy they both accept me.”
“It’s because you accepted them from the very first day. You never resented them or me for the weight of your responsibilities.”
“In the beginning, it felt like a responsibility. Like something I needed to master, but it isn’t like that anymore. This family is part of my life now.”
We spent our first summer vacation at the beach house. It was early June and the sun was shining brightly. The weather forecast had predicted a few days without rain. Cassio had taken the week off from work, which didn’t mean he wouldn’t have to return in case of an emergency, but I was still ecstatic about the chance to have a family vacation on the beach.
I dressed Simona in a cute two-piece with ruffles and sunflowers, cute sunglasses, and a straw hat. My bikini looked very similar, minus the excessive frills, but we still managed a cute twin look. Daniele wore his favorite Superman swim trunks.
Cassio was eye-candy in his board shorts. He carried Daniele into the water while Simona and I dipped only our toes into the Atlantic. I preferred lukewarm water, so I didn’t understand how Cassio and Daniele could enjoy a dip in the cold. Simona shared my opinion and squealed every time the waves touched her tiny toes. Her eyes brimmed over with joy as she raised her arms. “Arm, Mom.”
Every time she called me “Mom,” my heart skipped a beat. She occasionally called me “Giula” when she tried to imitate Daniele, but she had trouble pronouncing my name. Daniele had been confused the first few times she’d called me mom, but after I’d explained to him that I wasn’t trying to take his mom’s place and that it only showed how much I loved and cared for them, he’d come to terms with it.
Hugging Simona to my chest, I watched Cassio carry Daniele on his shoulders. Everybody who saw them knew they were father and son, not because of physical similarities but because of how they acted around each other. It was beautiful. Loulou barked wildly beside me, enraged that Cassio and Daniele were out of her reach, but she wasn’t very fond of water.
“Dad!” Simona screamed, stretching out her arms. Cassio came out of the water and set Daniele down on the beach. Loulou inspected him at once as if she worried the ocean could have harmed him. I handed Simona to Cassio, and before he went back into the water, he kissed me.
Daniele ran along the water’s edge, Loulou still barking close behind him. Her fur had grown in again, and she was the cutest curly fluff ball.
“Not so fast!” I called when Daniele and Loulou became too wild, and then Daniele stumbled and fell down hard. I rushed over to him. Loulou was already licking his face. I knelt beside him. He was cradling his knee, crying. He’d landed on a stone and was bleeding from a cut below his knee. “It’s all right. We’ll fix you.”
Cassio’s shadow fell over us. He handed Simona over to me and carried Daniele into the house. He managed to calm down in his dad’s arms.
The wound didn’t need stitches, thankfully. Cassio cleaned it and patched it up with a Band-Aid, all the while talking in a low, soothing voice to Daniele.
Daniele didn’t shed another tear. He tried to be a big boy when he was around his dad. Cassio patted his head.
“Do you want a popsicle?” I asked.
He bit his lip, looking down at the sofa, shuffling his legs.
“Daniele?” I got down on my haunches in front of him, trying to figure out what was wrong. He wrapped his arms around my neck, surprising me. “Hey, you okay?”
I hugged Daniele tightly to my chest, not sure why he needed my closeness but more than willing to give it to him. “Mom,” he whispered. I froze. Cassio tensed, his eyes tumultuous as he watched. Was Daniele thinking of Gaia? Missing her? I pulled back slowly.
Daniele looked down at my chin. “Can I call you mom?”
I choked and tears sprang into my eyes at his unexpected request.
Cassio’s face became still.
I kissed Daniele’s cheek then crushed him to me once more. “Yes. Nothing would make me happier. I love you.”
He began to sniffle, and I couldn’t hold back either. Cassio averted his eyes, his Adam’s apple bobbing as he swallowed. After a moment, he came over to us and knelt beside us, hugging us both. I pressed my face into his chest, feeling his heartbeat thundering in his ribcage. Cassio kissed the top of my head then Daniele’s.
Daniele called me mom every chance he got that day, shyly at first, but later with adorable giddiness.
In the evening, Cassio and I sat on the swing in front of the house, watching the sunset. We hadn’t talked about today’s events yet. With Daniele and Simona around, there hadn’t been time.
“I didn’t expect it,” I said. Cassio knew what I was referring to without me stating it outright. His arm around my shoulders tightened, holding me even closer to his side.
“Me neither. He’s old enough to remember his mother, but I suppose even the memory will fade with time. He was too young to form a strong bond with her. I guess it’s a blessing after all.”
“I suppose so.” It seemed horribly cruel to be glad for Gaia’s early death, but for Simona and Daniele, it was probably easier that way. Had they both been older at the time of her suicide, they would have struggled even more. “Eventually, Daniele and Simona will ask questions about Gaia. It’s natural to want to know more about your birth mother.”
Cassio breathed out. “Until they do, I won’t talk about her. Everything I’ll tell them will be a lie anyway.”
“Not everything.”
“When we married, I thought I was doing damage control.”
My eyebrows climbed my forehead. Cassio chuckled seeing it. “I know. Not very romantic. But you were meant to make my life easier.”
“You expected to get a nanny with some sexy times thrown in the mix.”
“I can’t deny it. I didn’t consider the option that we would become partners, that I would enjoy your presence outside of the bedroom, and even that seemed unlikely after I first met you.”