Sex, Lies and Vampires

"Nell. You must wake up now. It is time to leave."

I burrowed deeper into the thin linens of the bed, burying my face in the pillow Adrian had used, breathing in the faint scent of him.

"Nell, you must come. We have little time." I pulled the blankets over my head, the full memory of the time we had passed together coming back to me with amazing clarity. I had told him my secret, bared my soul to him - how could I ever face him now that he knew what I was? A murderer, a weak, pathetic woman who had chosen to sacrifice her friend rather than herself.

You are not to blame for your friend's death, Hasi. His voice was soft with comfort in my head. The monster you inadvertently challenged was Asmodeus, one of the seven princes of hell. Even the most experienced of Charmers would hesitate to confront him.

I could have saved her, I wailed silently. If I had done something, he would have let her go, released her and taken me instead.

Cold air hit my back as the blanket was peeled off me, the bed lurching to the side with Adrian's weight. His hand stroked up my spine, causing shivers that had nothing to do with the chill of the room. There was nothing you could do, Nell. You had not the knowledge nor the power to save your friend from Asmodeus. It is a miracle you saved yourself. Lesser Charmers would not have been able to do even that.

I pulled my face from the pillow and turned to look at the man who sat at my side. He was dressed once again in black, his hair loose around his shoulders, his eyes a bright ice blue. "It's my fault Beth died. If I hadn't agreed to try to unmake that curse, I wouldn't have drawn Asmodeus's attention, and she wouldn't have been caught."

He nodded gravely. "That is true. If you had not attempted to charm the curse, your friend would not have died, and you would not have had the stroke. I have not the ability to see the future to know which of my actions I will later regret, but I do not punish myself for that lack."

"Yeah, but how many people have died as a result of your lack of foresight?" I muttered to the bed, forgetting for a moment to whom I was speaking.

His fingers were warm on my chin as he lifted it. You have seen into me, Hasi. You know that I am damned by those I have destroyed. You know that I am just as much a monster as the demon lord who struck you down.

"No," I snarled, throwing myself on him, pushing him back onto the bed so I loomed over him, my lips brushing against his as I sank effortlessly into his mind. The raging emptiness inside him whirled around me, sucking me in, threatening to tear me apart in its fury. "You are not a monster! You are not like Asmodeus! You are bound by a curse, Adrian, that's all."

"That doesn't excuse what I have done. I have ruined lives, Hasi. I have handed my own people over to Asmodeus knowing they would not survive. You do not see clearly when you look at me. You see only what you want to see."

"Do I?" I touched his cheek, his words sharp little shards of agony that pierced my soul. "I think that I see clearer than you. Tell me, Adrian - what would have happened if you had not turned other Dark Ones over to Asmodeus?"

His eyes were as pale as frost. For a moment, he struggled with himself. "He would have wreaked vengeance."

"What sort of vengeance? Would he have been mad at you? Others?"

"Others. My people."

"How?"

Pain roiled through him. He tried to turn his face away, but I wouldn't let him. "How, Adrian?"

"He would have called upon his legions to destroy the Dark Ones."

"All of you? Every one of you?"

"He would have tried to destroy all, yes. He does not have that power, but..."

I brushed my lips against his. "But he'd have enough to wipe out a bunch of you?"

"Yes." His eyes closed, but his pain was seeping from him, swamping me. I pushed it away, not wanting to accept it.

"So rather than risk global extermination of your people, you satisfied the demon lord by handing over a couple of your fellow vamps."

He lay still beneath me, this man who had suffered so much. I had touched the depth of his agony, and I knew he had felt the full enormity of his actions. He was trapped, caught between a vengeful demon lord and his people, with no way to save either himself or the innocents he was forced to sacrifice. And yet, how many lives had he saved by having to do just that?

"It wasn't by your choice, Adrian. None of it was your choice." I pressed my lips to the pulse in his throat, opening myself up to his pain, allowing it to merge with me, accepting it into my soul, returning it with acceptance and understanding and something I shied away from putting a name to.

And if the acts have been my choice? he asked, his fingers sliding into my hair as I nibbled around his lips. Would you condemn me? Would you damn me as the others have? Would you leave me?

Never, I said into his mind, my mouth caressing his. I nibbled his lips until they parted, allowing me in, the taste of him filling me with so many emotions I couldn't untangle them. You are not evil, Adrian. I could never fall in love with a man who was truly evil. You did the best you could, saved as many people as you could.

His fingers dug hard into my hips for a moment as I plundered the silk of his mouth; then roughly he pushed me aside, leaping up from the bed, his back to me as he spoke. "You are too inexperienced to see the truth in me, Nell. I am no better than Asmodeus himself."

My heart ached at the self-loathing in his voice. It was an emotion I was very familiar with, but one that Adrian was unjustly embracing. I also knew how destructive it could be unless it was nipped in the bud. I pushed myself off the bed, grabbing my clothes, jerking them on quickly. "Will you stop with the pity party? I can't cope with my own wallow in self-pity and yours as well."

His shoulders twitched as if I had stung him, but he didn't turn around to face me.

I sighed and pulled on my socks and shoes. "You're not evil, you're not a monster, you're a man who's been cursed, that's all. That gives you a get-out-of-jail-free card as far as guilt goes."

Dark Ones may not be able to conjure up things out of nothing, but they can move fast when they want to. One second I was standing glaring at Adrian's back, the next I was slammed up against the wall, his body hard and aggressive on mine as his eyes spat blue fire at me.

"I had choices," he said slowly, his words as hard as granite. "The deaths I caused, the Dark Ones I destroyed - I chose to do so."

"Because of the curse," I said gently, sliding my arms around him, holding him tight against me. He was filled with pain, a veritable whirlpool of anger and guilt and agony all tied in upon itself. I wanted to show him that the choices he made, the things he'd done, were not because he was a monster. A tremor went through his body as I melted into his mind, my lips pressed against the pulse point of his throat.

How can you have such faith in me when you have none in yourself?

I smiled into his neck as the torment within him receded until it was a dull throb. Call it womanly intuition. I just know I couldn't be falling in love with a man who took pleasure in others' pain. You might not realize that I can see it in you, but I know what price you've had to pay for being Asmodeus's servant. I know also that in each situation, you chose the lesser of two evils. A few Dark Ones died, yes, but how many didn't die because you were strong enough to do what had to be done?

He said nothing verbally or mentally, but I sensed that behind the remaining anguish a deep well of sorrow kept him in check. Warm lips caressed my ear for a moment; then he pulled back and collected his satchel. "The toilet is at the end of the hall. I will meet you downstairs in five minutes."

He left the room without a backward glance.

"About this ring of Asmodeus's that you were looking for at Christian's castle..." I began.

Adrian glanced at me, the hand resting on my waist tightening with a possessiveness that thrilled me to my toenails as we made our way through the darkening streets of Cologne, past the magnificent cathedral toward the main train station. "Why do you ask about the ring? You said you did not see it."

Actually, I hadn't said anything of the kind, but only because I still wasn't exactly sure what the item I'd found at the castle was... and Adrian hadn't left me alone long enough to examine it, I wasn't sure it wasn't an earring, but it sure seemed like it could be the ring Adrian had been looking for. My best bet was to get a little more information so I could make a decision about it. "I'm curious about something that holds so much potential power against Asmodeus. Why didn't you continue searching for it after we ran into each other?"

He shrugged, pulling me tighter against him to avoid a group of laughing Japanese tourists who spilled out onto the sidewalk as they posed in front of the steps of the cathedral taking each others' pictures. "The ring was not there."

"How do you know that? I was there before you, so I know you didn't do any searching - "

"I know because I could not feel its presence."

Hmm. Maybe it was just a strange horn earring after all?

"Would you have felt its presence if something else had been there to distract you?" I asked slowly, blindly feeling a path through a confusing morass of speculation.

He slid a suspicious glance my way, and I felt the soft touch of his mind. I did my best to arrange my mind into images of innocence, hiding the one thought I didn't want him to read. It must have worked, because he merely shrugged again, hurrying me across a rain-slicked street toward the glass structure of the Hauptbahnhof K?ln. "I might not, if the distraction was strong enough. What are you referring to?"

He stopped outside the front entrance, and I gave him my best naive look. "Well, you knew that vase was warded. I was wondering if that could mess up your supernatural radar, so to speak."

"No, it would have to be something much more distracting than that to hide the presence of the ring."

Something like the appearance of his long-lost Beloved? I wondered. I followed as he tugged me up the steps toward the entrance.

"If you had this ring, could you use it to break Asmodeus's curse?"

"I could not, but others might." He gave me a sharp, questioning glance.

"You can't use the ring?"

"Not against Asmodeus. I could wield it in other circumstances, but not against the dark lord to whom I am bound."

"Oh, yeah, I forgot he was the one who pulled the nasty on you. Say you found the ring and gave it to me," I said slowly as we hurried into the train station. "Using it, could I blow the curse away without doing any Charmer stuff?" If I could, there was I chance I could help him and Melissande's nephew both without burning out any more of my brain.

"Yes."

"Really?" Hope swelled within me. Maybe things weren't as dire as they seemed. All I needed to do was use the ring against Asmodeus to free Melissande's nephew and break the curse on Adrian. Then he and I could live happily ever after... What was I thinking? Use the ring against Asmodeus? Just the memory of that hideous monster left me faintly nauseous. How on earth could I rally enough strength to face him again?

"If you had the training to master a demon lord, or access to someone with that information, yes. But as you have neither that nor the ring, the point is moot."

Before I could grill him further about the ring, he hustled me to the main floor, pointing at a seating section. "I will get the tickets. You wait over there for me."

"Um." I gnawed my lip, looking around at all the flashy shops that edged the waiting area. "I assume the reason we're taking the train rather than flying to London is because you don't want to be trapped on an airplane in case something happens and you'd be stuck, possibly exposed to the sun?"

"No," he answered, giving the area a quick once-over, obviously looking for anything threatening. It gave me a warm, fuzzy feeling inside to be on the receiving end of his protective manner. Some women might find it stifling to have a man constantly be concerned about her well-being. I found it endearing. "We travel by train because that is all I can afford."

"What?" I all but shrieked, grabbing the back of his duster as he started away. "What do you mean, that's all you can afford? You're a vampire! You're four hundred and eighty-two years old!"

He turned back with an annoyed look. "Four hundred and eighty-one."

I smacked him on the arm. "Old enough to have put aside considerable wealth so you can keep your Beloved in the fashion she means to be kept in! You can't be poor! Everyone knows vampires have oodles of money lying around!"

"Would these be the same people who expect Dark Ones to be able to change themselves into bats, and to materialize objects just by the will of their mind?"

I made a face, my eyes dropping before his midnight-blue ones. "Maybe. Are you telling me you're broke? I'm going to spend eternity broke?"

"No." He gave me a grim look. "I will see to your future, have no worries about that."

"Yeah, but what about - "

"Stay here." His voice was rough and hard, but I slipped into his head long enough to know it hid a regret so deep I could not fathom it. Gently he pushed me out of his mind. "I will return as soon as I have the tickets."

I thought about pouting over his putting up the no-trespassing sign, but decided I was bigger than that. Slowly I window-shopped my way down the main hall, wondering how I was going to tell him that I held the key to his salvation nestled firmly against my right butt cheek.

A woman wearing dark glasses limped by me as I stood peering into a bookstore, wishing I had my purse so I could buy us a couple of books or magazines for the long trip to London. She stopped near me, arguing in a soft American voice. I turned at the unexpected sound of English, my eyebrows shooting up as she stuffed a snow globe into a bulging canvas bag. Who was she talking to, I wondered.

"Next time, you're all finding something smaller to bind yourselves to. One snow globe is fine, but seven is heavy."

Was she talking to her show globes? And what the heck was binding? One thing was certain, this American wasn't all there upstairs.

My eyebrows shot up as she glanced toward me, giving me a weak smile. "I... uh... they're snow globes."

"Uh-huh," I said, moving away slowly. You never knew where you were going to find crazy people. "Seven of them."

"Yes, seven," she said with another tense smile, turning to mutter into the bag's opening.

"You don't... uh... have names for them, do you?" I couldn't help but ask.

She turned back quickly, the bright lights of the station shining on her impenetrable black glasses. "Names?"

"Yeah, you know, like Dopey, Sleepy, Snowy, Icy..." I stopped when her lips made a thin line, slowly moving down to the far window. From the corner of my eye I watched as a tall man in a black leather coat strolled over and put his arm around the crazy lady. The man was handsome, very handsome, movie-star handsome with black eyes and long black hair pulled back in a ponytail.

"Now, that's how a real vampire should look. Sexy, well-dressed, and loaded," I muttered as I watched the reflection in the shop window. The woman gestured toward the shop, and the man pulled out a wad of cash big enough to choke a water buffalo, peeling off a number of bills and giving them to her. I was just about to turn away when another man joined them. A blond man. A blond man who looked all too horribly familiar.

The blond man who had tried to kill Adrian, voicing his intentions to do away with me as well.

"Sebastian," I hissed, remembering what Adrian had called him. Another vampire, one that evidently made it his job to rid the world of the Betrayer. I had to warn Adrian and fast, but without drawing undue attention from Sebastian and his friends.

Adrian!

Both Sebastian and the dark-haired man turned as I reached out to touch Adrian's mind. I leaned into the shop window, my head craned as if I was trying to read something farther in the shop. Sebastian took a step toward me.

What is it, Nell?

I pulled up my coat collar, rubbing my arms and hunching my head down as I pretended to be cold. Obviously the dark-haired man was a vamp, and both he and Sebastian had some sort of mind-meld radar that I'd inadvertently set off. I hated to give them something to ping from, but if I didn't answer him, Adrian would run straight into my arms. I had to keep that from happening. Nothing. Just making sure you didn't run into the pointy end of a stake or something.

His sigh rippled across my brain. Have patience, Hasi. I will be with you in a moment or two.

I sidled down the length of the shop window, being careful to keep as much of my back as possible to the two vamps. In the window I saw the reflection of Sebastian as he took another step toward me, his eyes scanning back and forth across the stream of people passing. I felt his touch for a moment as if it were barbed with fire, fighting to keep from reacting to it before it moved on. The dark-haired man said something, calling him back. I breathed a sigh of relief as Sebastian's attention was withdrawn, not risking a glance back as I walked away from them as quickly as I could. I whipped around a corner, heading for a sign pointing toward the ticket counters.

Adrian strolled toward me, a sinfully handsome, sexy figure in black.

I ran to him, struggling to push aside the heavy material of my jacket in order to reach my hip pocket. "What happened to your coat? Never mind, it doesn't matter. Here, take this." I pressed the ring into his hand, ignoring his startled look as I tugged him over against the wall behind a big pillar. "It's Asmodeus's ring. Don't ask me how I found it, there's no time to explain now. There are two vamps just around the corner, and one of them is that Sebastian guy who stabbed you."

The frown of puzzlement wrinkled Adrian's brow as he looked from the ring resting in his hand to me.

"You said you couldn't use the ring against Asmodeus, right?"

One glossy auburn eyebrow raised, his eyes a stormy blue. "That is correct."

"But you can use it against other Dark Ones?"

"Yes," he said, giving me an odd look.

"OK, well, you go take care of those two bully-boys, and I'll take over when it's time to lift that curse Asmodeus bound around you."

His eyes darkened until his pupils absorbed all the color in his irises. "You wish for me to use the ring?"

"Yes, yes, go on," I said, shoving him toward the way I had come. "Then we can go to London and I'll use the ring to rescue Melissande's nephew, save you, and we'll all live happily ever after. Go!"

Adrian didn't wait for me to tell him twice. He strode off in the direction of the bookstore. I leaned against the wall, suddenly tired with the strain of the last few days. It took about thirty seconds before I realized that I had sent Adrian into battle without knowing how much power the ring would give him. What if it wasn't enough? What if the two vamps overpowered him and hurt him?

"Stupid, stupid Nell," I groaned, jumping out from behind the pillar, intent on following the man with whom I was falling deeper and deeper into love with each passing heartbeat.

Desperate as I was, I didn't notice the person standing on the other side of the pillar until I'd run into her.

"Verzeihung," I apologized in German, moving around the person.

"Nell?"

I spun around at the soft voice, blinking in surprise at the sight of Melissande.

Her smile was filled with relief as she squeezed my hand. "It is you! Oh, I'm so glad to know you're safe! Sebastian said you were with Adrian, but I knew that must be a mistake. He had to have kidnapped you, forced you to go with him. Are you all right? Has the Betrayer hurt you?"

"No!" I said, startled by the mention of Sebastian. "No, Sebastian - he's got it all wrong. Adrian isn't your en... em... y. What the hell?"

Behind Melissande, Adrian approached, a familiar scowl on his face as he saw me speaking to someone. He was back in the clothes he had been wearing ever since I met him: his long black duster, jeans, a leather satchel slung over one shoulder.

Melissande turned to see what I was staring at, and gasped. "The Betrayer!"

Behind me, male shouts echoed angrily down the hall. Sebastian and the dark-haired vamp were sprinting toward us, dodging and weaving through the crowd, knocking down a few people who didn't get out of their way fast enough. Adrian froze for a moment, his face blank.

"Run!" I yelled at him as I jerked myself away from Melissande. Adrian's confusion, indecision, and anger were so palpable I could taste them. "Run, you foolish man!"

I threw myself on the dark-haired vampire as he streaked past, bringing him down to the cement floor with a fierce shriek. Adrian, rather than running like any sane man would do, roared something in a dialect of Czech I didn't understand, lunging forward. I grappled with the dark-haired man, desperately trying to draw the one ward I was able to pull forth from my crippled memory.

The man swore in Italian, flinging me from him, only partially restrained by my unfinished ward. Behind me, Sebastian tackled Adrian, both men snarling oaths. Adrian tried to shuck off Sebastian in order to reach me, but the blond vamp just slammed him against the wall and started fighting in earnest.

I crawled back to the struggling dark-haired vampire, trying to finish the binding ward. As I started to draw the last symbol, someone grabbed my hair and jerked me backward. I swung to the side, kicking at my assailant's legs. To my surprise, it was the crazy snow-globe lady who crashed down on me, her bag of snow globes slamming into my jaw hard enough to leave me stunned for a few seconds.

Adrian, you must go. They don't want me, but they will kill you if you stay.

I will not leave you, Hasi.

I shook my head to clear my vision, pushing the woman's body off me. She clawed at me, but I avoided her hands, crawling to the nearest pillar. I know you want to protect me. I know it kills you to leave me, but, Adrian, you must escape. These people won't do anything to me, and I swear to you I will find you.

I will not leave you.

My eyes stung with tears from where the crazy woman had pulled my hair. Inch by painful inch I hauled myself up the pillar until I was on my feet. I stood to one side of a ring of passersby who now made up a fascinated audience, urging on the two men locked in immortal combat. The dark-haired vamp had just about broken through my binding ward, the crazy woman trying to tug him up from where he writhed on the ground. With menacing determination I stalked forward and drew the last of the symbols, the ward glowing silver for a moment before dissolving into nothing.

"Why are you doing this?" the woman asked; her face streaked with tears.

"I'm keeping him away from the man I love," I snarled, turning to run to Adrian's aid.

Melissande blocked my path. "Nell, you must stop! You don't know what you're doing! He's brainwashed you - "

"Get out of my way," I growled, prepared to knock her down if she thought she could keep me from helping Adrian.

She grabbed my arm and tried to drag me backward, away from where Sebastian and Adrian were fighting near a bay of lockers, Sebastian lunging with his knife,

Adrian using his body as a weapon. "You must not fall under his thrall - "

I drew a binding ward on Melissande to stop her, spinning away to help Adrian. Before I could take three steps, I was jerked backward.

"You will stay here, Charmer," the dark-haired vamp hissed, his fingers hard on my neck.

I spent a moment being astonished that he could have worked his way out of my ward so quickly, then began to struggle in earnest.

"Watch her left hand, Christian!" the crazy lady called as she limped toward us. "She's trying to draw another ward."

Christian? The dark-haired vamp was Melissande's cousin Christian? The man with the delicious library?

Good academic taste or not, he was a threat to Adrian, and that meant he was going down. Rather than struggle to get away from him, I threw myself forward, slamming my fist into his face at the same time as I kneed him. I didn't hit ground zero, but came close enough that he doubled over, one hand still clutching my coat.

"Nell," Melissande said, grabbing my arm as I tried desperately to unbutton my coat. Adrian and Sebastian had knocked down the row of lockers and moved their battle into a nearby office. Five policemen poured into the hall through the far door, yelling, blowing whistles, and shoving aside the people clustered around the office.

"Stop!" Melissande pleaded with me. "I beg of you, stop. You do not know what you are doing."

"I know what I'm doing. It's you people who have it all wrong!"

She wouldn't listen to me. None of them would. Melissande and the crazy woman both held my arms as I fought to escape Christian's clutch, but it was no good. I sobbed with frustration, worried sick about what that blond devil was doing to Adrian. The policemen who had finally forced their way through the crowd had been thrown one by one out of the small room behind the lockers. Crashes, the sound of breaking glass, and the shouts and yells of the onlookers as they followed Adrian and Sebastian told me they were still at it, but I was helpless to do anything, helpless to give Adrian the assistance I knew he needed.

Unless I tried to tap into that power that I'd done so much to forget.

I closed my mind against the shriek of agony that thought had spawned, ignoring Melissande before me as she pleaded with me to listen to reason, ignoring the crazy woman as she simultaneously helped Christian to his feet, and threatened to bean me with one of her snow globes, ignoring the distant sounds of madness as Adrian fought for his life.

"Come on brain," I whispered as I looked deep within myself to the black spot on my soul. "I'm not asking for much, just a little something, just enough to give Adrian the escape he needs."

Melissande's beautiful face faded as my sight turned inward. Christian had a hard grip on both my wrists - in order to keep me from drawing a ward, I presumed. His mouth moved as he spoke, but his words never reached my ears. I closed my eyes, concentrating, focusing on remembering something I hadn't known I had learned.

"Air, I invoke: sky and wind, storm and mist."

A breeze brushed past my face as I spoke the words that Beth's aunt had chanted so long ago.

"Water, I invoke: stream and cloud, ocean and pool."

The words came from me slowly, sounding distant, as if coming from someone a long way away. I opened my eyes, aware of but not paying attention to the shocked look on Melissande's face.

"Fire, I invoke: flame and spark, blaze and flicker."

Christian leaped back from me, looking at his hands in surprise. Within me, power grew hot as I spoke the words of an ancient ward. A white flame ignited in my head, but I ignored the panicked part of my brain that was shrieking at me to stop before I went too far.

"Earth, I invoke: stone and mountain, rock and sand."

Beneath my feet, the ground rumbled.

"By the air, I hold your spirit."

The white flame grew until it filled my mind. I struggled to keep it controlled, to not let it overwhelm me as it had done ten years before.

"By the water, I hold your life."

Melissande began backing away from me, her look of surprise changing to horror. She said something, but I couldn't hear her over the roar of the light filling me.

"By the fire, I hold your strength," I yelled, needle-pointed bits of the light starting to pierce my brain, the pain building until it held me so tight I couldn't draw a breath.

"By the earth, I hold your courage!"

The light filled me, shards of it digging deep into my body as it ate through my brain. I fought the light, fought the need to let it go in order to save myself, fought the knowledge that I was just a hairbreadth away from another stroke. Above the screaming in my head, Adrian's voice protested, but I couldn't release my concentration to listen to him. I had to speak the last words.

I spread my arms wide, fighting the light within me with every last ounce of strength I had. "By these powers, I banish thee!"

The light exploded within me, pain so sharp it tasted of the blood that sang in my veins as I slipped away, my heart and soul and mind consumed by the light until there was nothing left of me but ash.