She didn’t pull away. Jane studied their hands as she said, “We do deserve it. It’s just harder to make happen.”
He had some things to look up. Some phone calls to make. He had no idea what he was getting into here, but if he couldn’t offer this woman anything else, he could definitely tell her that he wasn’t regular people. And if he was one of the kinds of non-regular ones that had things turn out right for him more often than the typical person—and he knew he was—then he wanted to help.
“Have you ever had anything you wanted to fix for someone that you couldn’t?” Jane asked him.
“Absolutely,” he said. “My mother is still in love with my asshole father and hasn’t moved on even after he chose his job over her and left us.”
Jane’s fingers slid between his, and she curled her hand in his. “Really?”
Fuck, he liked touching her. Even this much. “Yeah. She threw him out, but she didn’t get over him. They still talk. He still comes over. They even go out sometimes. She definitely never moved on.”
“She really loved him.”
“Guess so. Hell if I understand why, but it does seem that way.” He stroked his thumb over the back of Jane’s knuckles. “Do you ever wonder why your dad loves your stepmom?”
Jane shook her head. “No. He doesn’t love her.”
“No?”
“He decided not to love anyone after my mom. She took his heart with him when she died. That’s what he’s always said. But he likes Cassie—that’s my stepmom’s name. She makes him laugh. Or did. I guess. They never fought or anything. They did stuff together. I think they were good… companions? Friends maybe even.” Jane shrugged. “He’s just not good at being alone. He thought he would be bad at raising daughters on his own. So he always tried to have a woman around for us. If one didn’t last, he’d find a new one as soon as he could. I think part of his attraction to Cassie was that she’s very ‘girlie’ with the makeup and the hair and clothes and shoes. She had a daughter about Kelsey’s age. He thought we needed her.”
Dax was fascinated. With the story, with Jane, with everything about her. “So he did it for you and your sister.”
She rolled her eyes. “Some of it was for us, but he also really likes women. He doesn’t like being alone. He really doesn’t like sleeping alone, if you know what I mean.”
He chuckled. “I definitely know what you mean.”
Her hand was still in his. She squeezed it, seemingly subconsciously. “It’s what makes the nursing home so difficult though,” she said, her smile fading. “He’s alone there a lot. He doesn’t have that companionship from a pretty, younger woman like he’s always wanted. And he’s not at home for Kelsey. Me too, but definitely her to a greater extent. That all makes him a little nuts.”
Dax nodded. He doubted his father and Jane’s had much in common—except maybe the penchant for liking a beautiful woman beside them at night—but he couldn’t imagine his father dependent on other people for his basic daily functions and not being a fucking asshole about it.
“He’s the youngest one in the nursing home and… it just sucks,” Jane said with a sigh. “They try. The people there are so great, and they really try to make it as pleasant for him as they can but it’s just… what it is. There’s only so much any of us can do to make it better. The entire situation really just sucks no matter how much we try to improve it.”
“I’m really sorry, Jane,” he said sincerely. He was. He felt helpless. He hated that. He wanted this woman to smile, and in that moment, when they were surrounded by liquor and music and all the other things that made bars fun and the perfect places for flirtations, he couldn’t come up with a single thing to do or say that would make it better.
“Thanks,” she said simply. “I really am too.”
They sat looking at each other for a long moment. Then Dax said, “I’m really bad at this.”
“At what?”
“Being quiet.”
She laughed. “You don’t have to be quiet.”
“I have no idea what to say.”
She looked at him for a long moment. And Dax was pretty sure she understood that him not having something to say was very unusual. And meaningful in some way.
“You always try to say something? In every situation, right?”
“Definitely.” He studied her hand in his. Her fingernails were short and neat, unpolished. The least sparkly female fingernails he’d ever looked at up close. “I hated when my mom got quiet. She’s very outgoing. Happy. She can talk to anyone. Everywhere we go, she strikes up conversations with total strangers.”
Jane smiled, listening.
“But after my dad left, she’d have these periods where she’d just get quiet. She didn’t cry. She didn’t get mad and throw stuff. She never yelled at him. Even the day she told him to leave, she did it in this very normal tone of voice. But when she got quiet, it was… awful. When it happened, I was always trying to get her to talk and smile and laugh. Even if I could do it for short periods, I’d feel awesome. She would still have her quiet spells, but it was always important to me that I could bring her out of them. Not for good, of course, but at least I could distract her for a little while.”
“Kind of like a game of Ping-Pong or a coffee bar in the break room? At least it’s a little reprieve?” Jane asked.
He nodded. “A lot like that. She was how I got into gaming. Into designing and creating, I mean. I was into it as a player already, but I realized I wanted to create one because of her.”
“Really?” She looked sincerely interested.
“When people game, they… do it on purpose. They turn the game on. They pick up the controller. They’re looking for a distraction, to kill time, to get lost for a little while, maybe connect with others online… whatever. But they go to the game for whatever it is they need. And I can deliver that. Happily. They know what I’ve got, and I can give them that reprieve, as you call it. With my mom, I was always guessing. What would work best? A funny story? A movie? A magic trick? A… game of Ping-Pong?”
“You had a Ping-Pong table at your house?”
“We did.”
“Did she play with you?”
“Yep. Sometimes.”
Jane laughed. And Dax felt tension leave his shoulders. He really liked when she laughed. Especially when it was because of him.
“You want to know something awesome?” he asked.
“Absolutely.”
“My mom is a master warrior enchantress in Warriors of Easton.”
Jane gave him a puzzled frown even as she smiled. “Your mom plays your game?”
“She does,” he said. “A lot. I didn’t even know until she told me that she’d gotten to Master Warrior level. Then she kept going. She’s good.”
“So you’re still able to give her that reprieve,” Jane said, her voice soft.
“Yeah. And now, it’s whenever she needs it and it’s like she comes to me.”
Jane squeezed his hand and shook her head. “God.”
“What?”