He frowned at her. His chest was tight. In part because she was right. Those things were all considerations. But also because she was so focused on all the things that could go wrong. Why couldn’t she see the good he was trying to do here? “Why are you focusing on the negatives? What about the sense of accomplishment they’ll feel? The physical activity they’ll be getting?”
“Because you have to think of those things!” she exclaimed. “If you’re in charge here, you are responsible for their safety and well-being!”
“That’s what I’m trying to do here! I want to improve their well-being!”
She swallowed. “I believe your intentions are good. I believe your intentions are always good. But you go from wanting to make a guy smile to… llamas! It’s one thing if you’re just a friend of one of the residents and you want to take him out to do some new things. But you’re in charge here. You have to think about things like how to safely implement these things. You have to think beyond getting some goats and tomato plants!” Her cheeks were pink and her eyes bright, and her voice had risen as she’d been talking. “And you shouldn’t be getting their hopes up about things. You shouldn’t be promising my dad things you might not be able to do!”
Dax scowled at her and stepped closer. “I will do this. I told Jack I’d do this and I will.”
She crossed her arms, and Dax wondered if it was a subconscious move to keep him from getting too close. “Fine. Maybe you will succeed in taking them out to see goats and llamas a few times.”
“It’s more than that.” It was a lot more than that and he wanted her to know all about it. He wanted her to believe in what the program could do. He wanted her to be excited about it. But she had to be willing to listen to the possibilities. “This program has already shown great success in other places, Jane. And with the right people on board, we could go past what’s already been done. Who knows what kinds of outcomes we could have? We could really study the psychological effects, the physical effects, even the effects on the community.”
“This is one little nursing home in one little town in Iowa,” she said. “It’s hardly a place where cutting-edge research happens.”
“The small-town setting is one of the best things we have going,” he argued. “It will make it even easier to tap into resources and get people involved and to measure the effects of our residents continuing to be a true part of the community. Too often nursing home residents get forgotten, but if the farm initiative works at getting them out and working at something they love, there are other opportunities we could explore.”
“You will need so much funding and staffing and so many permissions and—”
“We can deal with all that,” he cut in.
“Doing this will take time.”
“I’ve got time.”
“Do you?” She lifted her chin. “You have time to hang out in this little town that has one bar and a nonexistent gaming conference scene?”
Wow, she was really putting up every possible obstacle. “I’ll make a gaming conference scene if I need one.”
“Right. There’s never been anything that you couldn’t make happen if you wanted it,” she said, the sarcasm thick.
“There hasn’t,” he told her honestly. Her doubts were starting to piss him off.
“Fine. So you’ll have a gaming conference here.” She rolled her eyes though. “And you’ll take my dad out to see the goats a couple of times a week, and you’ll pay to remodel the nursing home. And then what?”
“Then I’ll figure out what else needs to be done,” he said stubbornly. Dammit, the “see the goats” thing was starting to really grate. It was more than that.
She threw up her hands. “This isn’t a game, Dax!”
He felt that like a punch to the chest. “I know.”
“These aren’t snack cakes that can get a little squished in the packaging or that can come out a little misshapen and get sold for half price in the warehouse,” she went on. “These are people. This is their home. And their health.”
“I know that,” he said, his voice gruffer now. This was a much bigger deal than anything he’d done before. He got that. He really did. That’s why he wanted it.
Dammit, he wanted her to believe in him. More, he wanted her to see that he could make things better for her. That he could come into her life and improve absolutely everything. Jane was independent and confident and knew who she was and what she wanted. She didn’t need him. But he wanted her to want him and to see that maybe she could live without him, but that living with him was better. Happier. More fun. Easier. Something.
Looking at her looking at him like he was nuts and screwing everything up, Dax realized the driving force behind all this was the same thing it had always been for him—he wanted to make life happier for the people around him. But now it was so much bigger. So much more important.
So much worse if he failed.
He loved her. He wanted her to want him in lifelong terms. Not for a meet-up at the bar for pizza or for hot weekend getaways in swanky hotels or for silly Saturday afternoons at dessert tastings. He wanted all of it. The hard stuff too. The stuff with the factory. The stuff with her sister. The stuff with her dad.
He’d only dabbled in it so far. He’d improved it all. A little. Temporarily.
But what Jack had said at the bridal fair was true—things were going to get harder ahead. And Dax wanted to be there for that. To make it better for Jane somehow. He didn’t know what that would look like. Or even if he’d really be able to pull it off. But he was ready to do more than buy Ping-Pong tables and sweets. He wanted to do something real, something that would matter.
But what had he done upon buying the nursing home?
He’d bought a Ping-Pong table, and he had a jar of gummy bears on his desk here too.
She thought this, the first really big, serious thing he’d maybe ever done, was a lark. A whim. Something he’d just jumped into.
And she was right.
He’d read about it and the next day started researching the use of animals in eldercare. And goats. He’d been thrilled to learn about the alpaca farm outside of town, and he’d driven there immediately to meet the guys who ran it.
“You don’t think I’ll follow through on this?” he finally asked her.
She took a deep breath. “I know you care about my dad, and I appreciate you trying and getting him smiling and into something that’s got him out of his room and looking forward. But that’s what scares me. I know you’re into giving people little escapes from real life and that’s amazing. I’m a big fan actually. But I don’t think my dad thinks this will be temporary. And I just don’t know how serious this really is for you.”
Now Dax felt like the punch had landed in his gut.
Right. She was a fan of his temporary escapes from the real world. She understood why those were important. She’d finally opened up and let him do that for her. And that was what she thought he was good for.
“So I need to stick with my strengths—fun breaks, recess, gummy bears.”
She looked sad. “A week ago you owned a snack cake company.” She shrugged. “You went in with these big plans, but instead of implementing any of them, you brought in TVs and cappuccinos. And then you gave it all up for sex.”