I started to get to my feet. “Then I’ll head home so you can do that.”
He leaned over, reaching for my arm and tugging me back down. “I’ll wait until after closing. I want to have his undivided attention and I don’t want anyone else around.” He hesitated. “Why don’t you stay here while I’m gone, and then I can tell you what he says when I get back? You were plannin’ to stay anyway, weren’t you?”
I felt torn. “I don’t think I should tonight. I didn’t warn Hank, and it’s too late to call him. He’ll worry if he gets up and my car’s not out front.”
“I should have called you earlier,” he said, his voice heavy with regret.
A week ago he probably would have, which only reminded me that we still hadn’t addressed the elephant in the room.
“Marco, there’s something goin’ on between us. Not seeing or talking to each other for five days just isn’t like us, and I think we need to talk about it.”
“What’s there to talk about?” he asked, but he sounded slightly defensive.
So I was right, not that it made me feel any better. Actually, it filled me with dread.
“I think I’d like to know what answer you were looking for when we had that discussion about marriage,” I said carefully.
Marco had invited me to a friend’s wedding in Atlanta, which had led to an awkward conversation. He’d mentioned he wanted to get married someday, and given his parents’ difficult relationship and his preference for serial dating, I’d reacted with surprise. He’d quickly changed the subject.
It had felt like nothing at the time, but as the week had gone on without any word from him, it had become apparent it was a bigger deal than I’d thought.
He shifted in his seat. “There’s nothing wrong with sayin’ that I’ve done a lot of thinkin’ and decided I do see marriage in my future.” He cast a glance at me, then turned away. “It’s actually pretty normal.” He added softly, “Even for a guy like me.”
“Of course it’s normal,” I said, close to tears. I had a feeling this discussion could change things irrevocably between us, and I couldn’t bear to lose him. “And what’s that even for a guy like me nonsense? Plenty of guys sow their wild oats before they settle down. Of course you can get married and start a family…someday.”
There’d been no mention of a family in our previous conversation, but the few times Marco had helped with my tutoring club, he’d been amazing with the kids. Wanting a family seemed like a natural part of his happily-ever-after package.
His lips twitched with a grin. “Sow my wild oats? I can tell you’ve spent too much time with Hank.”
“Who else was I going to hang out with while I was missing my best friend?” My voice cracked partway through, giving me away, not that I needed any help. He knew me well enough to read me.
He didn’t say anything for a moment, just studied me with those blue-green eyes. When he did speak, it blew apart my world. “Maybe it’s time we both put our cards on the table.”
Fear washed through me, and everything in me screamed to tell him no. I wasn’t ready to face this now, but then again, I wasn’t sure I’d ever be ready. “Okay.”
He scooted his chair so that we were nearly face to face.
“Carly, I know you’re still in no place for a relationship. I value our friendship, more than you probably realize, but I’ve made no secret I’d like for us to be more than friends.”
“I know,” I whispered.
“I’m not pressuring you,” he said, emphatically. “It’s important you know that.”
“I know,” I repeated.
“But I need to know if I’m wanting something that’s never going to happen.” He swallowed. “I need to know if I should let this…go.”
I leaned forward and took his hand, linking our fingers. “I can’t promise you anything, Marco. I’m super messed up. I’ve spent all week wondering if you’d decided I was too much of a mess to deal with, and then you showed up outside the tavern, and I was so happy to see you. But it rattled me when you said you expected me to get off at ten. My mind went to sinister thoughts.” Then I added in shame, “About you.”
Hurt filled his eyes. “You think I’d do something to hurt you?”
“No,” I said insistently, squeezing his hand. “That’s just it. I don’t. And I immediately chastised myself for it. But it’s instinct now—my first reaction is to question everyone and everything. Because I didn’t see it coming with Jake either.” My voice broke. “And trust me, I know how unfair it is to compare you to him. You’re a good man, and he’s a snake. You deserve better than that from me.”
He slowly shook his head. “No. He spent your entire friendship manipulating you, spying on you for your father. Calling off the men in your life. That would mess anyone up.” He shook his head. “Carly, I know it’s hard for you to trust. I’m doin’ everything in my power to prove that you can trust me.”
“I know,” I said, a tear slipping down my cheek. “Do you have any idea how guilty that makes me feel?”
He shook his head again. “You haven’t done anything wrong. You have absolutely nothing to feel guilty about.” He gave me a soft smile. “I’m your friend, no matter what. If you tell me that you’ll never have romantic feelings for me, I’ll find a way to accept it and be your friend from now until eternity. But if there’s a chance…”
His face was passive, yet I knew he was scared too. He had to be wondering if rocking the boat of our fragile feelings would capsize us.
“I can’t promise you anything, Marco. And I definitely can’t tell you that I can give you a family someday.” A lump burned in my throat as I let down the wall that had held back my fears. “I can’t risk having kids with my father out there, trying to find and kill me.” A sob broke loose and my eyes flooded with tears. “How selfish would it be to bring children into that situation?”
A soft smile covered his face and tenderness filled his eyes. “I’m gonna help you bring him down.”
My back stiffened. “Wyatt promised me the same thing and he got stalled on part one—dealing with his father.”
His body stiffened. “You’re comparin’ me to Wyatt Drummond now?”
“No!” I got up and walked to the porch railing, staring into the dark woods. Trying to pull myself together. “I’m sorry. That was uncalled for.”
When he didn’t say anything, I spun around to face him, my butt leaning against the railing. “I had hopes and dreams too,” I said with a wry laugh as I wiped the tears from my face with my fingertips. “I wanted to marry a man that I loved and who loved me—really loved me. I wanted kids and a happy home.” Another sob broke loose. “I’ve never wanted much, Marco. I just want to be loved.”
He remained in his seat staring at me with a tenderness that stole my breath.
“Am I that unlovable that men have to have a reason to care about me? Jake. Wyatt. My dad.”
“No, Carly,” he said softly, getting to his feet but keeping his distance. “I can assure you that you’re not. People love you for just being you. Hank treats you like his own daughter and doesn’t want a thing from you. Those kids at the tutorin’ club adore you. And sure, you’re givin’ them something, but no kid that age is excited to come learn. They’re eager to see you.”