But now that we were back at the tavern, facing the world again, I felt equal parts anger and terror.
Who else would pay with their life because of me?
Was I selfish to stay?
If I’d hoped to find out what Bingham knew, that option was gone, but I had no regrets.
The tavern dining room felt too hot and too tight, and I suddenly needed fresh air.
“I’m going to go out front for a moment,” I told Marco.
Surprise filled his eyes. “I’ll go with you.”
I shook my head. “Just give me a few minutes, okay?”
He hesitated, and I saw a war raging on his face. “Five minutes, then I’m checking on you.”
I gave him a tight smile. “Deal.”
I headed out the front door and paced the sidewalk, sucking in deep breaths. I sneaked a glance over at the motel, and fresh tears sprung to my eyes. Would I ever be able to think about Jerry without crying?
“That’s where you found him, huh?” a male voice said from behind me.
I spun to face him, shocked to see it was Ricky. “What?”
He gestured to the motel parking lot. “You found him over there.”
He was talking about Seth.
My throat burned, and the pain of Seth’s murder resurged with a vengeance, compounding the grief and guilt I already felt for Jerry. I nodded. “Yeah.”
“Was he alive?” His voice broke.
I nodded again. “He was worried about his grandfather.”
“Was he in a lot of pain?”
I took a breath. “No. I don’t think so. I held his hand, so he wasn’t alone.”
Ricky was quiet for a few seconds, his gaze lingering on the parking lot.
“You said you’d like to know more about him.” He glanced down at the sidewalk and toed a crack with the tip of his sneakered foot. “Nobody wants to talk about him. They think it’s weird.” He glanced up. “Do you still want to know about him?”
My chin quivered as I fought tears. I worried I’d scare him off. What teenage boy wanted to deal with a weeping woman? But there were tears in his eyes too.
“Yeah,” I choked out.
He sat down on a bench in front of the tavern, then gave me a questioning look. “What do you want to know?”
I walked over and sat down next to him. “Tell me everything.”
***