Worse, it affected my relationship with Simon. I’d told myself I was going to enjoy every minute with him. Instead I turned into a jittery mess, analyzing every text message for hidden meanings, worrying that every conversation was the beginning of the end.
By Friday morning I wasn’t sure I could take much more. I certainly wasn’t going to make it two weeks. Lauren Pollard showed up for training, which only heightened my anxiety as I showed her around the espresso machine and she made several failed lattes. The first three went down the sink, but the fourth looked promising. Good froth, color looked right. I took a cautious sip and let the taste bloom across my tongue like I was a coffee sommelier.
“That’s your best one yet.” I set the mug down but kept my fingers curved around the handle. “I think Chris may actually drink this one.”
On the other side of the coffee counter Lauren let out a relieved sigh. “I had a good feeling about that one. I think I’m finally getting the hang of it!”
“I think you are too. Excellent job.” I took the mug with me from the coffee counter to the front of the bookstore. Chris was at the front counter, and she raised her eyebrows as I approached.
“Better?”
“Much.” I passed the mug to Chris. She took an appraising sip and nodded.
“And she’s good with the hours we mentioned, right? Did you talk to her about that yet?”
“I did.” The more we talked about the job—my job, Lauren’s job now?—the more my anxiety spiked, and I reached around Chris for my purse. I needed gum. “Tuesdays and Thursdays after school until we close at six, and then a shift on the weekend. She seems like a responsible kid. I think it’ll work.”
“Oh, she is.” Chris cradled the mug between her palms. “I’ve known Lauren’s family since she was in diapers, and of course, she’s grown up doing Faire.”
“Of course.” Chris knew Lauren better than I did. She was going into her junior year, and needed an after-school job to round out her college savings. Her being a Faire veteran certainly spoke to her work ethic. It hadn’t hit me until recently that these kids were giving up a lot of their summers. When every weekend was spoken for from June to almost September, long vacations were impossible.
I could relate. Faire had been a grueling experience. Long days, uncomfortable clothes. But it had also been more fun than I’d ever had in my life, and I’d made friends who had become family. Funny to think it had all started as an obligation I’d taken on for Caitlin’s sake, another thing I needed to do while I took care of April. As the summer progressed, all those obligations had fallen away one by one. April had recovered and was back to her old life. She didn’t need me. My obligation to Caitlin would end when Faire did. And as for the bookstore . . .
I dug into my purse and tried to focus on the positive. If I wasn’t needed here anymore, I’d be free to go wherever I wanted. Away from here.
No. That wasn’t a positive at all.
My pack of gum was in a small inside pocket, and as I took it out a scrap of paper came with it. A fortune, from a fortune cookie: Ask the right question.
I smoothed the paper out between my fingers as I remembered. I’d been scared that night, scared to ask the questions that had really mattered. But doing so had knocked me out of my stasis, both with my sister and with Simon. I needed to do that again. I needed to stop being afraid to stand up for myself. I needed to ask the questions that mattered, instead of waiting for life to happen to me.
“Chris, do you have a second?” I was still looking at the paper when I spoke, and I watched the writing shake a little between my fingers. But it was too late; the words were out of my mouth. I forced my gaze up to Chris, who looked at me with raised eyebrows.
“Sure,” she said. “What’s up?”
“I need to talk to you. About the fall.” My voice trembled and I ran out of breath on the last word, but I must have gotten my point across because she nodded.
“Good. I need to talk to you too. How about I’ll send Lauren on her way, and you can make us a couple of lattes?” She looked down at the mug in her hands and back up to me with a plaintive look. “Real ones?”
A nervous laugh escaped from my lips. “I can do that.” While Chris escorted Lauren back to the front I pushed down my nerves and made a vanilla latte for each of us. The repetitive motion calmed me, and by the time I brought them over to the table by the window I felt almost normal again. This was good. Get it all out in the open, so I could start planning my future for real. I always did better when I had a plan.
Chris sat down across from me and lifted her mug, inhaling the steam. “Oh, that’s more like it.” She blew over the surface of her coffee before taking a sip. “So, what are you thinking about the fall?”
I drummed my fingernails on the side of my own mug and tried to figure out how to hurry along my own firing. I’d never done this before. Ask the right question. I focused on the fortune and sucked in a barely shaking breath. “How much longer are you going to need me working here? In the fall? Once Lauren starts?”
Her brow furrowed. “What do you mean?”
I tried to shrug, look unconcerned, but inside I wanted to scream. Why was she being so obtuse? Would she just fire me already? “I’m just trying to plan ahead. Figure out where I’m going next, that kind of thing. I mean, I’ve already trained my replacement.” I glanced out the window so the hurt in my eyes didn’t show. I should probably start packing tonight. I probably had stuff scattered all over April’s house from my months of living there.
“What?” Her surprised, sharp tone made me turn back to Chris. Surprise widened her eyes. “You’re leaving?”
My wide-eyed stare matched her own. “Maybe?”
Her shoulders slumped around a sigh. “I should have talked to you about this sooner. I figured with the way things were going, with your sister and your niece, not to mention Simon, you were planning to stick around. I guess I should have made sure before assuming anything.”
“Well, I mean, nothing’s set in stone . . .” Then I registered what she had said. “Talk to me about what?” This didn’t sound like the kind of conversation that led to getting fired.
“About the future. Let me start from the beginning.” She looked down into her mug. “This spring, my mother had a stroke, and—”
I gasped. “Chris! I’m so sorry! Is she okay? What can I . . . ?”
“Oh, she’s fine,” she rushed to assure me. “She’s fine. She retired to Florida a few years back, and if there’s one thing they’re good at down there, it’s taking care of old people. But assisted living facilities are so expensive, and I worry about her getting the right kind of care. So in September I’m going down to spend the winter with her in Florida. Then I’ll bring her back with me in the spring when the weather’s warm. That way she can stay in her house, and I can take better care of her.”
“But . . .” I was definitely missing something. “How are you going to run the store from Florida?”
“I’m not. Well, I guess technically I am. I’ll be a phone call away, or an email, or a text. But I was hoping you’d be able to take over for me while I’m gone.”
“Take . . . over . . .” I was having a hard time making those words make sense in my brain. “So you’re not firing me?”
Chris almost spat out her coffee. “No! Why would you think that?”
“But . . .” I gestured over to the coffee counter. “You had me train Lauren. You know, to help out in the fall. She’ll be doing my job.”
“Exactly. So you can do mine. Why do you think I hired Lauren? And started teaching you the accounting system and how to handle the online ordering?”
I took a sip of my latte because I didn’t know what to say. Chris wasn’t firing me. Simon hadn’t been saying goodbye.
“So what do you think?”
“I think I’ve been a paranoid idiot for the past couple days.”
Chris laughed. “About the job,” she said. “Are you in?”
The future stretched out in front of me, suddenly clearer and brighter than it had seemed in a while. A full-time job. A town I liked. I let a slow smile spread over my face. “I’m in. Of course I’m in.”
We spent the rest of the day hashing out the details of my new position—store manager, that sounded nice—and we determined I’d spend the next few days finding any shortcomings in my training so far. By now I pretty much knew the ins and outs of the place, and like she said, she’d be a phone call away. But I’d never been given responsibility on this kind of scale. I didn’t want to screw it up.
But I wasn’t going to screw it up. I could do this. I could help not only Chris, but myself as well. For once I wasn’t compromising for someone else’s benefit. My whole life had fallen into place over the course of one conversation. I had a job. A future. Family. And . . .
Now I started to grin. And I had Simon. Not only did I have a future, but we had a future.
I couldn’t wait to tell him.