“I thought Gavin was supposed to be the kind of guy who’d give you the orgasm and then happily take a blow job in return. Did you guys have a conversation about where things were going or something?”
“No, not at all.”
“What about at the party?”
“No. I did tell him about my arousal thing, which now I’m regretting. Ginny, was it a pity dry-humping?”
“I can’t imagine it was out of pity. Tell me one thing, though.”
“What?”
“Was it good?”
I rolled my eyes, wishing I could lie to her and say it hadn’t been very good anyway. But I couldn’t. “It was amazing.”
“I don’t know if that makes it better or worse.” She reached over and patted my hand sympathetically. “I’m guessing you haven’t talked to him since.”
“Your guess is correct. I left pretty abruptly. He offered to drive me home, but I was just so… confused and kind of embarrassed. And now I don’t know what to do. Or what I want him to do.”
“You like him.”
“Yeah, I do. He still kind of scares me, but I like hanging out with him. And I know this makes no sense, but he’s the only reason I’ve been writing lately.”
“What do you mean?”
“You know how blocked I’ve been. Somehow when he’s around, I’m not blocked. I have no explanation for it. He came into the coffee shop one day when I was trying to write and sat at my table for a little while. I wrote an entire chapter. A whole chapter, Ginny. Do you know how long it’s been since I’ve done that?”
“Months?”
“Yes. After he left, nothing. It was like turning off a faucet. So later I invited him over to see if it would happen again.”
“And it did?”
“Yep. He sat on my bed while I wrote and it worked. I wrote and wrote and wrote, just like I used to.”
“That’s so crazy.”
“I know. I have no idea what’s going on with that. But even without the writing thing, I don’t want things to be all messed up between us.”
“Do you think it’s because he works for your dad? He doesn’t want to get in trouble with his boss?”
“Maybe. He did say something a few weeks ago about promising my dad he wouldn’t, but he wasn’t exactly clear on what he wouldn’t do.”
“Well there you go. That’s probably what’s going on.”
“So you’re saying maybe there’s a reason other than he’s repulsed by me physically and he wishes he’d never touched me?”
She rolled her eyes. “Are all novel writers as dramatic as you?”
“I don’t know. Probably.”
“Anyone can see Gavin likes you. Whatever he has going on in his head, it’s not that he’s repulsed by you physically. I bet it’s the your-dad-is-his-boss thing. He doesn’t think he can date you.”
I stirred some cream into my coffee, briefly pondering. “You know, the more I think about it, maybe he did the right thing last night. I don’t know if I’m ready to be with someone new anyway.”
“Hmm.”
“What does that mean?”
“It means I think you’re using Cullen as an excuse because you’re scared.”
“Of course I’m scared. I’m always scared.”
“I mean scared of Gavin.”
“I literally just said he scares me.”
She regarded me with a motherly tilt of her head. “I mean you’re scared of falling for him.”
Glancing away, I let out a long breath.
“Do you want my advice?”
“Yes.”
“If you want him, you need to tell him. And if you’re not ready for a relationship, but you like hanging out as friends and you wouldn’t mind adding a little lust-and-thrust into the mix, tell him that too. What’s the worst that could happen?”
“He turns me down and it’s so horribly awkward he never speaks to me again.”
“Maybe I should have rephrased that. What’s the worst that’s likely to happen?”
“Same answer.”
“All I’m saying is that if you don’t go after what you want, you probably won’t get it.”
“Yeah…” I trailed off. I didn’t want to admit she was right. Going after what I wanted had never been my number one skill. “But I don’t think I’m using Cullen as an excuse for anything. I honestly don’t think I’m ready for a relationship right now. In case you haven’t noticed, my career is circling the drain. I need to focus on writing, and then finding a new agent, and landing a publishing deal. That’s… a lot.”
“You know, these days you don’t necessarily need a publisher. Authors publish their work independently all the time.”
“I know that works for some people, but it seems so…”
“Scary?”
“Yes.”
“Scarier than having to find a new agent and land a new publishing deal?”
“Why are you trying to push me out of my comfort zone?”
She smiled. “Because sometimes you need a nudge.”
“How about this? I’ll consider it and do a little research so I know more about it. Will that make you happy?”
“Yes.”
“Can we talk about you now?” I continued before she could answer. “I saw you talking to Logan Bailey last night.”
“Oh yeah. He was funny.”
“Did you hang out with him more after I left?”
Her lips twitched in a smile. “A little.”
I raised my eyebrows. “Did you go home alone last night or is there another reason for your sunny disposition this morning?”
She laughed softly. “No, I went home alone. We flirted a little and it was fun, but that was it.”
“Okay. That’s probably good.”
“Why?”
“Gavin said I should warn you about Logan.”
“Calling out his brother? Ouch.”
“No, it was more like he was being honest with a friend. He said his brother is a good guy but probably the kind of guy you should warn your girlfriend about.”
“I’m not even a tiny bit surprised.”
“I also saw you talking to Gram and Fiona. Aren’t they so nice?”
“I want Gram to adopt me. I seriously adore her.” She put a finger to her lips. “Maybe I should make something happen with Logan just so I can have Gram for a grandma-in-law.”
I laughed. “I don’t know if Logan is the one to go after if marrying into the family is your goal.”
“Good point. Besides, I’m too busy to think about getting married.”
“Speaking of busy, how’s your research going?”
Her eyes lit up. “Oh my god, so good. This town is a treasure trove of amazing stories. I’ve been to places with a lot of history plenty of times, but the way these people spin everything into a tall tale is absolutely fantastic. And don’t even get me started on the feud. It’s gold.”
“Yeah? So you’re finding a lot of stuff to write about?”