“You researched bridge collapses, didn’t you?”
“First thing this morning.”
She laughed. “Naturally. Well, I’m glad you’re okay. Was Gavin on the scene?”
“Yeah, he was. He helped get us out of Mom’s car.”
“Wow. That must have been intense for him.”
“Yeah, he seemed kind of out of it afterward. Normally it’s like nothing ruffles him, but if I didn’t know better, I’d say he was scared.”
“Of course he was. He had to rescue the girl he hasn’t admitted to being in love with yet.”
“Ginny, stop. He’s not in love with me.”
“Wanna bet?”
“No.”
“That’s because you know I’m right. Has he been over to see you?”
“No, he was on duty overnight. He texted me last night and once this morning, but that doesn’t mean he’s in love with me. It means he’s worried about a friend.”
“Yeah, well, I still say he has feelings for you. I bet he comes over today and tells you that your accident yesterday made him realize he wants to be more than friends.”
I sighed. “I don’t think so.”
She paused. “Do you want him to?”
I wasn’t sure if I was ready to admit how big my feelings for Gavin were, even to Ginny. It felt like saying it out loud was too dangerous. “I don’t know. Maybe?”
“You know what I think. If you want him, you need to be up front.”
“I know, but that’s not really fair to him. He tried to keep us from crossing the just friends line and I’m the one who said we can be friends who have sex sometimes and it won’t be a big deal.”
“Yeah, I know. Friends with benefits can get messy.”
“Well, it’s not messy now, and I’m certainly not going to let it get messy today. Gavin and I are fine. What about you and Logan? Are you guys actually dating, or…”
“Nice subject change. No, we’re not really dating. He’s a lot of fun, and he’s hot as sin, but I’m not in town much longer.”
“I’m going to miss you when you’re gone. It’s been nice having you so close.”
“It’s been a lot of fun. I’d love to find more excuses to stay, but I have to move on to the next thing.”
“I know.”
“You rest up today and let me know if you need anything, okay?”
“I will. Thanks, Ginny.”
“Talk to you soon.”
I hung up and got out of bed. I was still in a t-shirt and pajama pants, but it seemed like a pajama pants sort of day. Mom’s door was closed—which was odd. Had she slept there last night? Maybe she’d needed space after yesterday. I didn’t see Dad, so I crept downstairs to get a snack.
After I grabbed a few things out of the fridge, there was a knock at the front door. I answered it, and Gavin barreled his way inside.
“Hey, Sky. How are you feeling? Are you okay?”
I shut the door, eying him. His hair was disheveled and his eyes were a little crazed.
“I’m fine. Just a bit sore.”
He stood in front of me and gently grabbed my shoulders. “Are you sure?”
“Yes. Thanks to you.”
For a second, he held my gaze, then let out a breath. “Is this a good time? Can we talk?”
“Okay, but—”
Before I could finish, he let go and headed for the kitchen.
“Are you okay?” I asked, following him.
He walked a circle around the kitchen, as if he couldn’t keep still. “I was up all night thinking.”
“All night? Thinking about what?”
He stopped and met my eyes. “About us.”
Oh my god, was Ginny right? Had yesterday made Gavin realize he wanted to be more than friends?
“What about us?”
“I think we should get married.”
I stared at him, dumbstruck. “Wait, what?”
“Hear me out.” He started pacing around the kitchen again. “We’re really good together, and I don’t just mean the sex. I mean all of it.”
“Okay, but—”
“Yesterday I realized how awful it would be to lose you. I looked at the bridge and I knew you were out there and I could see it happen. The bridge collapsing and the car sinking into the river. I’ve never felt so fucking helpless in my life. And then last night I started thinking about how you dying in an icy cold river after a bridge collapses isn’t the only way I could lose you. You could be struck by lightning or hit by a semi-truck or fall off a ladder and break your neck.”
“I don’t think any of those are likely causes of death.”
“Still. The bridge made me realize I don’t want to lose you. Ever.”
I tried to keep the tremor out of my voice, but I felt so shaky. “But Gavin, marrying me won’t keep me from dying.”
“I know it won’t. But if I don’t marry you, someone else is going to, and then I lose you that way.”
“We’re not…” I took a breath, trying to find my bearings. “This is really sudden. We’re not even dating and you want to jump to marriage because yesterday scared you?”
“No, I’m not scared.”
“Yes, you are.”
He shook his head. “It’s not fear, it’s clarity. I’m finally seeing things clearly.”
I stared at him for a long moment. That wasn’t clarity in his eyes. He looked irrational and frantic, not clear.
“Are you? You don’t seem clear to me. You seem afraid and exhausted.”
“It’s fine, I’ll sleep later. And I don’t get scared. You know this about me.”
“You don’t think you get scared, but maybe you just don’t recognize it as fear. It’s okay if yesterday scared you. It scared all of us.”
“Sky, I get it, this is out of the blue. But I can’t…” He trailed off, running his fingers through his hair. “I can’t lose you. I didn’t buy a ring yet, but—”
“Wait.” I held up a hand. “Slow down. I thought maybe you’d tell me you want to be more than friends and give us a real shot, but marriage?”
“Gram called you Sparrow.”
“What?”
“She calls you Sparrow. I should have realized, but I didn’t until last night. She doesn’t give everyone a nickname. It used to just be me and my brothers and Grace. But that’s the thing, she’s a fucking psychic or something. She knew Asher would marry Grace, even when they were kids. That’s why she always called her Gracie Bear. And the first time she met Fiona she called her Cricket. Look what happened, Evan married her.”
“But that doesn’t mean that you and I—”
“Sure it does.”
“Gavin, we can’t just rush in like this.”
“Why not? If you’re sure, why wait?”
“Because I don’t think you’re sure at all. I think you’re afraid and you don’t know how to handle it. You’re not asking me to marry you because you know you want to marry me. You’re asking me because you’re scared, and for some crazy reason, you think a ring on my finger is going to make the feeling go away. It won’t. That fear is still going to live inside you, and until you face it and put it in its place, it’s going to keep eating away at you. Trust me, I know all about fear. I’m scared of everything.”