She smiled. “Well, it was nice to meet you, Noah. I better go see if my ride is here.”
“Nice to meet you too, Alicia. Take care.” I smiled and watched her turn and head toward the accessible doors, and when I faced Asher again, he’d already tucked his device back into his messenger bag and was walking in the opposite direction, toward the stairs and main door.
“Hey,” I said, catching up with him. “Why don’t you want to have her over?”
He didn’t answer me, and I wasn’t sure if I should push it or not. But once we got in the car and I’d started the engine, he took his device out.
“Can I talk to you?” he asked.
“Of course, Ash. You know you can always talk to me.” I looked over at him, feeling a sympathetic tug. I knew what it was like to be attracted to someone and wonder if she liked you back. But this girl liked him—I could see it. “Is it about Alicia?”
“It’s more about Mom.”
“Mom?” Frowning, I signaled and changed lanes. “What about her?”
“She embarrasses me. And she’ll do it in front of Alicia.”
I grimaced. “Yeah, Mom can be intense.”
“I keep trying to ask her about getting my own place, but she won’t listen.”
My jaw nearly hit my chest. “You want your own place? I didn’t know that.”
“I didn’t used to. But now I do.”
I was still processing it when he went on.
“When I tried it before, I was not in a good place. I could not get a job, and I was scared. But I have a good job now, and I have much more confidence. They even offered me more hours. Mom doesn’t want me to take more, but I would like to.”
“She worries about you getting too tired.”
“I know. But I will get tired whether I work more or not. And more hours will mean more money. I will be able to afford something on my own, even if it isn’t fancy.”
I was still trying to wrap my brain around this. “So have you asked Mom about moving out?”
“I have asked her a couple times. I have been thinking about it for a while, but after Dad died, I didn’t want to leave her alone. And she gets upset when I bring it up. Or when I tell her that I don’t need help with every little thing. That is why I have not mentioned it to you. I don’t like to upset her.”
My internal temperature was shooting up. I understood that she was lonely after my dad died, but she couldn’t expect Asher to fill that void. If he wanted more independence, he should have it. “God, Ash. I’m sorry. I wish I had known. I just assumed you liked living at home.”
“It’s not that bad. But I am thirty-three. I am ready to try living on my own, even if she is not ready to let me,” he went on.
“Do you have somewhere in mind?”
“I have done some research online, and there are a few places where I could live independently but get support when I need it, which is not as often as Mom thinks.”
I nodded.
“I have never even been on a date. I have never been alone with a girl I like, and I want to know what it’s like. Can you help me?”
“Yes,” I said, proud of him for facing his fears and moved that he was asking for my help. “I can. I have that race tomorrow, but afterward I promise to talk to her.”
“Thank you. I wish I could run in that race with you.”
“Maybe you could walk it. I’d walk with you.”
“I could walk a little way, but I would not be able to finish. And I don’t have the right kind of power chair for a race.”
My throat closed up as I stopped at a light and watched a man cross the street pushing a jogging stroller, his wife next to him, their dog walking ahead.
Then I had an idea.
“Wait a minute. I think I know how you can do the race with me.”
“Really?”
“Yes. Let me do some checking.”
I dropped him off, went home, and made phone calls while taking Renzo for an evening walk. It took me a couple hours, but I finally located what I was looking for—an all-terrain, three-wheeled chair in which I could push Asher during the 5K. It would only be on loan from a local medical supply company, but they were happy to lend it for the cause. I’d pick it up at nine A.M, an hour before the race started. Then I contacted the person in charge of the event, making sure it was okay to enter Asher at the last minute. Not only did she say it was fine, she loved the idea of a more inclusive event and promised to work on promoting it that way in the future.
I texted Asher as soon as it was arranged.
Me: You are entered in the race. Do some stretches tonight!
Asher: Are you serious? But I can’t run.
Me: Yes. Don’t worry about anything. I’ve got you.
When I went to bed that night, I was the closest thing to happy I’d been in weeks.
But all I wanted to do was share it with Meg, and I couldn’t.
The next day, Asher, Renzo and I took part in the race, with my mom, Nina’s family, and tons of people in the community cheering us on from the sidelines. I even saw a couple of Meg’s sisters in the crowd, and they waved at us enthusiastically. I waved back, but inside, my heart was breaking all over again. I wished more than anything she could have been there running beside us. Her absence felt all wrong.
Later, I took my mom and Asher out for Italian. Watching my mom cut my brother’s spaghetti, I said, “Ma, you don’t need to do that for him. He can do it.”
“I don’t mind,” she said, and went right on doing it.
Asher said nothing, but he looked at me, and I understood.
“Ma, Ash and I have been talking a little.”
“Oh?” She picked up her wine and sipped.
“Yeah.” I cleared my throat. “What do you think about looking around for an apartment for him?”
“Don’t be silly. He’s got a place to live.”
“That’s your place.”
“I’m not going anywhere. And I like having him there. Besides, he needs me.”
“But it might be good for him to have some—”
Right then Asher accidentally knocked over his water, which wasn’t that big a deal and happened occasionally because of his muscle spasms, but the timing was unfortunate.
The conversation was derailed as my mother cleaned up the table and dabbed at Asher’s pants, and I didn’t feel right bringing it up again at the table. But his defeated expression wrenched my heart.
When we got home, Asher said he was tired and went to his room. I followed him a minute later, knocking on his closed door. “Ash?”
He opened it.
“Can I come in?”
He shrugged and went to sit on his bed.
“Sorry that didn’t go as planned.” I leaned back against his computer desk.
He spoke without the use of his device. “It’s okay. I haven’t had luck either.”
I frowned. “No, it’s not okay. And I’m going to try again.”
“She’ll say no.” The words were tough to decipher, but I understood.
“She can’t say no, Asher. You’re a grown man.”
He pulled his SGD onto his lap. “She’ll say I can’t handle it. And she could be right.”