She looked surprised. “What about?”
I filled her in on my hopes to start my own business, the offer I’d had from Mrs. Radley, and our mother’s immediate dismissal of the idea.
“I think it’s a great idea,” she said excitedly. “Fuck Mom on this one. Really. I love her, but she needs to let go of you or eventually you’re going to hate her.”
I didn’t think I could ever hate my mother, but I knew what Chloe meant. “Maybe I’ll try talking to her again.”
She nodded thoughtfully. “Do you need their help? Because you certainly don’t need their permission.”
I sighed, fitting the tips of my thumbnails together. “I might be able to do it on my own. Get a small business loan from the bank, or see what Mrs. Radley would be willing to invest. But it would be really hard for me to take on such a big venture without their support—and I’m not talking only about financial support.” I peeked at her. “You probably think that’s childish of me.”
“Not at all.” She reached over and patted my arm. “There’s nothing wrong with wanting your family’s support, and I agree it would be better for you to have it. So talk to Mom again. And get Dad in the room this time. I think he might be more willing to see your side. He’s more logical—Mom’s emotions get the best of her.”
I nodded. “Thanks, that’s good advice. I also think it would help if I went in armed with some actual numbers and statistics. Maybe even some possible locations.”
“Definitely,” Chloe agreed. “I can help you there. Hey, have you eaten yet? Why don’t we get some food and just hang out here tonight? Do a little research.”
“Okay.” I felt my mood lift a little at the prospect of spending an evening with my sister. Something had shifted between Chloe and me—it felt like a barrier had been removed. And it would be good to have an ally in the battle for my parents’ support.
Something good might come out of this day yet.
Mack
After talking to Frannie in the hallway, I gathered up the kids and got them into their winter gear as quickly as I could. I avoided eye contact with her the entire time. She had no idea the effect her words had on me, how hard it had been to shoot down the idea of being more than her friend, how badly I wanted to take her in my arms and say yes, please give me a chance. Give me a thousand of them, because that’s how many I’ll need. She had no idea about any of it.
And that’s how it had to stay.
My first priority in life was my children, and my second was my job, so that I could provide a good life for them. That left no room for anything else. She couldn’t possibly understand how thin I was already stretched, trying to be two parents. She’d end up hating me.
So when the door closed behind us, I breathed a sigh of relief and hustled the kids downstairs to where DeSantis was waiting. After retrieving Winnie’s booster seat from my office, we trudged out to the parking lot and piled into his SUV. Felicity and Winifred started babbling immediately about their day and kept it up the entire ride to the house, but I noticed Millie stayed silent, preoccupied with her phone. It set off an alarm bell in my head. I’d have to check in with her later.
The roads were finally decent, so it was only about fifteen minutes later that DeSantis pulled up at the house. The girls went inside while he and I managed to get my car out of the garage and into a spot where he could get close enough to hook up the cables. It wasn’t easy, and our hands were about frozen by the time we were done, but it worked. I thanked him profusely and promised him a beer after work as soon as I could manage it.
Later that night, after the dinner dishes were done and showers were taken and the day’s deposits were made in the swear jar, I spent some time with each of the girls in their rooms.
“So did you have a good time at Cloverleigh?” I asked Winifred, setting aside the book I’d just read aloud to her.
“Yes. The sleigh ride was so much fun.”
I got off her bed and switched off her light. “Was that your favorite part?”
“Yes. Can I have a horse?”
“No.”
She sighed. “I didn’t think so. Can we take another sleigh ride tomorrow?”
I laughed, leaning down to kiss her. Her damp hair smelled like baby shampoo and made me want to stop time. “Maybe not tomorrow, but sometime. Goodnight.”
“Wait, Daddy! Did you look under the bed?”
“Oh, sorry. I forgot.” Kneeling on the floor, I performed the requisite monster check. “All clear. Just some dust bunnies.”
She smiled. “Those are okay. Kiss Ned the Hammerhead from Shedd.”
I dutifully planted a kiss on her stuffed shark, which she’d gotten from Shedd Aquarium in Chicago last summer and never let out of her sight if she could help it. “That thing does not look cuddly.”
“I know, but I love him. I don’t feel right if he’s not next to me.”
“Then I guess he can stay. Love you, princess.”
“I love you too, Daddy.”
Goodnight.” Leaving her door open the way she liked it, I went into Felicity’s room. Her nightlight glowed in the dark, and she was under the covers. “Tired?” I asked, sitting on the bed.
She yawned. “Yes.”
“Did you have a fun snow day?”
“Yes. I love Frannie. She’s so nice.”
“She is.” I thought of her hurt expression from earlier and my chest felt tight. What would happen if she decided she didn’t want to nanny for me anymore? Then the girls would lose her, and it would be my fault completely. God, I’d really fucked this up.
“She’s my favorite babysitter ever. She said she used to have nightmares too when she was my age.”
“Really?”
“Yes. And then someone told her how certain rocks can help you relax and sleep better. She even gave me one, see?” She brought her hand out from under the covers and opened her fist. On her palm lay a small, smooth stone.
I switched on the lamp on her nightstand and looked closer. It was a crystal of some sort, with streaks of purple and green and lavender running through it. The perfect gift for Felicity. “That was nice of her.”
She closed her fist and tucked her arm beneath the blankets again. “Can she sleep over again sometime?”
“Uh … we’ll see.” I switched off the lamp, leaned over and kissed her cheek. “Night, Mavis.”
She giggled. “Night, Daddy.”
“I love you.”
“I love you, too.”
Millie’s bedroom door was closed, and I knocked gently.
“Come in,” she said.
When I opened the door, I saw her reading in bed by the light of the lamp on her nightstand. I went in and sat by her feet. “Hey.”
“Hey.” She didn’t lift her eyes from her book.
“Everything okay?”
“I guess.”
“You guess?” I took her paperback from her hands and closed it. “That’s not very convincing.”
“Dad, you lost my place,” she said, annoyed.
“I’ll find it again. Tell me what’s wrong.”