“Really? Cool, I’ll mention that when I meet her.” I took a deep breath and wiggled my toes beneath the covers. “I don’t want to jinx myself, but I have such a good feeling about this.”
“Good.”
“I’m going to go check out the space as soon as I can.”
“I’m really happy for you, Frannie.”
“Thanks. I’m happy for myself.”
“Oh, shit. Hold on a sec.” There were muffled voices in the background, and then he came back. “I’m sorry, I have to go. Winnie is up. She heard something under her bed, so I have to go check for monsters.”
“That’s okay. Give her a hug from me. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
“See you tomorrow.”
I set my alarm and put my phone back on the nightstand, switched off my lamp and buried myself in the covers. It was probably way too premature to feel so positive about things, but I couldn’t help it.
My own business, more independence, Mack … all the things I wanted most in life were right within my grasp.
Mack
I got Winnie back to sleep pretty quickly and returned to my bedroom, leaving the door open in case she called out again. I undressed, brushed my teeth, and got into bed, where I lay awake with my eyes closed, hands behind my head.
But I felt weird about something, and I couldn’t relax.
She wanted kids. Of course she did. Look how awesome she was with mine, why wouldn’t she want her own? But it was out of the question for me. There was no way in hell I was having any more kids. Jesus fucking Christ, I’d go insane. Talk about sleepless nights—I’d have eye-rolling, rule-bucking teenagers on one end of the spectrum, dirty-diapered screaming infants and tantrum-throwing toddlers on the other, not to mention the kids needing attention in between. I couldn’t do it. There wasn’t enough of me to go around. Did I have to make sure she knew that that kind of future with me was not a possibility?
Or was that fucking stupid? Just because she wanted a family somewhere down the line didn’t mean she was thinking about a family with me, did it? She said she wasn’t in a rush. Christ, we’d only been fooling around for a couple weeks.
Flopping over onto my stomach, I shoved the pillow over my head and forced myself to stop thinking about it and go to sleep.
She came over Thursday to watch the girls, and I was late getting home because a meeting ran long. When I arrived, the house smelled delicious and they were all in the living room. Felicity and Winnie were sorting valentines on the couch, and Frannie and Millie were doing something on the living room floor with white T-shirts, glue, and glitter. I recognized one of the shirts as mine.
“Is that fucking glitter?” I demanded, watching in horror as Millie tossed handfuls of pink and red sparkly shit over glue lines on my shirt.
“Yes, but don’t worry. When we shake it off, there won’t be so much.”
At that, Frannie burst out laughing so hard she rocked onto her back and stayed there, cracking up.
“And what are you laughing at, huh?” I gave Frannie’s leg a nudge with my foot. “Maybe I will take you up on that offer to be in this show instead of me.”
“No way,” she said. “You made a promise.”
“That’s right.” Millie picked up the bottle of glue and gave me a smug look. “And it was your idea.”
“I need a beer,” I said.
“I made dinner for you,” Frannie said, getting to her feet. “It’s in the oven keeping warm.”
“Is that what smells so good? You didn’t have to do that.”
She smiled. “It’s just a casserole. Not a big deal.”
“It is. And I appreciate it. Have the girls eaten?”
“Yes, so I’ll get going. Bye, girls. Happy Valentine’s Day!”
“Happy Valentine’s Day!” they shouted.
Fuck, I’d forgotten. All day long I kept telling myself not to forget to stop and pick up a little something for her, but it had gotten hectic at work and then I was running late … God, I was shitty at this.
I followed her to the kitchen. Glancing behind me to make sure the girls weren’t watching, I tugged her into the back hall, opened the closet door, and pulled her in there with me. She giggled as I shut the door, closing us in pitch black dark.
“What are you doing?” she whispered, her voice muffled by all the coats.
“I’m stealing thirty seconds alone with you for Valentine’s Day.” I wound my arms around her. “This is what it’s like to be my valentine. Isn’t it romantic?”
She giggled. “Totally.”
“I wish we had some time alone. And I should have gotten something for you. Flowers or chocolate or something.”
“I don’t want gifts, Mack. I just want you.”
“But I can’t even give you that. Not the way I want to, anyway.”
She put her hands on my chest. “Shut up and kiss me.”
I tried, but it was so dark in there I missed her lips the first time and ended up licking her chin. We were laughing and kissing when the door swung open and Winifred stood there staring at us.
“What are you doing in there?” she asked.
“I was … changing a lightbulb,” I blurted, reaching up and pulling the string hanging from the bare bulb. The light clicked on. “Oh good. It works now.”
“What was Frannie doing?” Winnie asked, eyeballing us both as we came out of the closet.
“I was helping,” Frannie said, grabbing her jacket off a hook and trying not to laugh.
“Can you help him make dessert?” Winnie wondered hopefully.
“No, she’s got things to do, Winn.” I grabbed my youngest and got her in a loving chokehold. “We’ll see her tomorrow.”
“Bye.” Frannie zipped up and opened the door. Her cheeks were scarlet and she couldn’t stop grinning. “See you tomorrow.”
The next morning, I still felt guilty that I hadn’t gotten her even a small gift for Valentine’s Day after she’d stayed late at the house and even made dinner. I could pay her more, and I would, but I also still wanted to do something nice for her. Could I bring something to work for her? Coffee? A muffin? A card? On a whim, I turned into the parking lot of a drugstore and ran inside.
In the greeting card aisle, I found the picked-over remains of the Valentine options. It was a fucking mess. Overwhelmed, I moved over to the I’m Sorry section and looked for one that might be appropriate.
There were cards with roses and fancy cursive apologies, cards with kittens and cutesy script, cards with illustrations and funny quotes and inspirational sayings and promises to do better. I read about a thousand of them, getting more agitated with each passing second. Part of me sort of felt like buying the whole rack—I’d probably need them all sooner or later.
In the end, I grabbed one with a drawing of a lollipop on it that said I SUCK. (SORRY.)
I paid for it and ran back to my car, where I quickly scribbled a note on the blank inside.
Sorry yesterday wasn’t more romantic. I’ll make it up to you.
Mack
I shoved it in the envelope, wrote Frannie on the front, and tucked it into my jacket.