***
I really didn't know why I was so worried about Carter freaking out when I called him Gavin's father. It proved to me yet again just how wonderful he was.
While Carter was putting Gavin back to bed, I reached into my overnight bag and pulled out the tank top and boy shorts I brought for pajamas and changed into them. I brushed my teeth and then got back into bed to curl under the covers and wait for Carter to come back. I just started to doze off when I felt the bed dip and his arms circle around my waist. I smiled and snuggled back into his warm body.
"Everything go okay?" I murmured sleepily.
"Yep, he decided he wasn't thirsty anymore but he made me read him a story. And we compromised on 'Daddy-o' for now," he said with a chuckle.
"You're getting off easy. Two weeks ago he kept referring to me as 'Old Lady'."
I lay there wrapped in Carter’s arms and it was the most comfortable I had ever been.
For about five minutes.
This just proved that everything they did in the movies was a load of bullshit. His arm was under my neck on the pillow which tilted my head at an awkward angle. I could already feel the beginnings of a kink. I was starting to sweat like a whore in church with his other arm heavily draped over my waist and his legs tangled with mine. With my sweaty ass and his itchy leg hair, it felt like I had a hundred mosquito bites on my legs.
It would be wrong to kick him now, right?
I shifted my body just the tiniest bit. I didn't want him to think I didn't want to cuddle, but I was going insane trying to lie perfectly still. Maybe if I waited long enough, he'd fall asleep and I could shove him off me. The Cunninghams had it right when they slept in separate beds on "Happy Days." That's why all those people back then looked so well-rested and blissful. Marion didn't have Howard's hairy legs rubbing all over her.
"Out with it, Claire," Carter mumbled close to my ear.
Shit. Now it was going to get awkward. We just now had sex for the first time in years and I was going to tell him to get away from me so I could sleep. I am the most unromantic person in the world.
"Out with what?"
"You've been fidgeting and sighing for the past ten minutes," he replied.
I have tourettes, restless leg syndrome or a baboon heart that gives me the shakes and makes me sigh every time the furry thing beats.
Crap, wasn't I always teaching Gavin about honesty? And here I was trying to figure out a way to tell Carter I had monkey organs instead of just telling him the truth.
"Soooooo, I've never spent the night with anyone before. Well, except for Liz but we've always been drunk."
Carter made some sort of choking, cough sound behind me.
"Can you say that again? Slowly, and with more details," he mumbled.
I laughed and smacked his arm at my waist.
"I'm being serious."
"So am I. You were na**d when you did this correct? Tell me you were na**d," he replied.
Baboon heart, truth. Baboon heart, truth…
"My neck is killing me and I'm so hot right now my skin could start a blanket fire," I rambled.
Carter was quiet. Too quiet.
Shit, I hurt his feelings.
"Oh, thank f**king God," he said as he pulled both of his arms out from around me. "My arm fell asleep and my legs were getting a cramp."
***
"The bugs got lotion when the dog tickled. Ha ha farmer!"
I had been lying in bed for a few minutes, watching the first light of dawn creep through the curtains. I had to slap my hand over my mouth when Carter started talking in his sleep.
Jesus, talk about "like father, like son." Obviously no one ever clued Carter in on his sleeping habits. Just the thought of some other woman sleeping in the same bed as him made me feel stabby so I pushed those thoughts away for the time being.
He was on his back with one arm flung above his head on the pillow and the other resting on top of his stomach. If I was in a porno, he would be na**d under the sheet with his olympic-size penis sticking up, and I would be all slutty and pull the sheet down to blow him.
Bow-chica-wow-wow.
I wasn't slutty, and this wasn't a porno. But I had seen enough of them to sort of know what to do. I glanced at the clock on the night stand and figured I had at least an hour before Gavin would be up. I looked back at Carter’s peaceful face and remembered how it felt to have his mouth between my legs last night.
Okay, I could do this. He gave me two mind-blowing orgasms since I met him. Right now, I'm in the lead. Time to even things up a bit so I didn't feel so selfish.
I slowly reached over and tugged the sheet down his body until it pooled around his shins. Leaning up on my elbow, I used the tips of my fingers to gently pull the waistband of his boxer briefs away from his skin so I could peek inside.
Well, hello there, big guy.
Wow, I felt all sorts of slutty now. I wanted to lick his dick.
Heh, heh. That rhymed.
Focus!
I scooted my body closer to his and then eased my way down lower so my face was even with his waist. My elbow slipped a little on the sheet, making my fingers jerk away from his underwear so I could brace myself and not fall right on top of his sleeping form. The elastic snapped back against his skin and I stopped all movement and held my breath, staring at his face for any sign of waking up.
"Muffins in the basement," Carter mumbled in his sleep.
I glanced back between his legs and noticed that Sir Cums-a-lot was waking up. Huh, go figure. Dreaming about muffins turned him on. I should make muffins for breakfast. I wonder if Carter had any blueberries. You really couldn't beat fresh blueberry muffins but I guess if I...
Dammit! Why was it so hard for me to focus on the penis? Especially a really nice one like Carter’s.
Heh, hard penis!
I closed my eyes and channeled Jenna Jameson but without the nasty lip injections and black eye from Tito. As slowly as I could, I got up on all fours and straddled Carter’s legs. Without giving myself anymore time to think about muffins or p**n stars, I dipped my head and nuzzled my nose against his length on the outside of his boxers.
Wow, he just got harder when I did that. Neat! I wanna see it grow.
Cha-cha-cha-chia!
Shit, no Chia Pet theme songs right before licking a dick.
I rested my elbows on the bed on either side of Carter’s hips, my ass sticking up in the air so I wouldn't touch his legs and disturb him. Ever so carefully, I pulled the elastic away from his skin and peeled it down over his erection.
I glanced quickly up at his face, satisfied that he was still asleep. Letting out the breath I had been holding, it skimmed over his penis since my mouth was about an inch away at this point. I watched him get incredibly harder and longer.
Seriously? My breath on him did that? Or is he still dreaming about muffins?
I shrugged to myself. I was not going to question the penis. It was great and powerful, like the Wizard of Oz. And right now, the Wizard wanted me to lick his yellow brick dick. I jutted my chin forward and placed my tongue against the base of him, right above the edge of his underwear that I still held onto. I slid my tongue up the length of him, completely amazed at how smooth and soft the skin was there. My tongue dipped into the little valley right below the head of his penis and I added some pressure with the tip of my tongue like I saw in "Beat the Heat."
Carter let out a little moan in his sleep and I smiled to myself.
I inched my body up a little further, letting my tongue glide up and over the head of his penis. I swirled it around the tip a few times then brought my lips down around the head and sucked it into my mouth.
Carter whimpered this time and I glanced up to see he still had his eyes closed.
Okay, this wasn't too bad. I could do this. I was a dirty c**k sucker! Liz would be so proud.
That reminded me I needed to call Liz later and see if she wanted to help me make three-hundred chocolate penises for one of her parties this weekend.
I dipped my head a little lower and took more of Carter into my mouth, letting my tongue continue to swirl around the head. I tasted a bit wetness that leaked out of him and it was magically delicious, like Lucky Charms. But saltier. And without the leprechaun.
Green clovers, yellow horseshoes, pink penises!
I giggled a little when I thought that. I was giggling with Carter’s penis in my mouth. Thank God he was still sleeping. I don't think laughing at a man's penis would make him feel good.
I sucked harder on him and took him as far into my mouth as I could without gagging. Throwing up on his penis wouldn't be a good introduction into the world of bl*w j*bs.
He was big and full in my mouth and I seriously couldn't believe this was happening right now and no one was witnessing it. I, Claire Morgan, had a penis in my mouth. There should be applause or pats on the back. Maybe I should have waited until Carter was awake for this. I bet he'd give me one of those slow golf claps like in the movies. Or at least say "way to go".
I slowly moved up and down his length, letting my wet lips glide over his smooth skin.
Carter’s h*ps jerked forward a little and he moaned again, making me completely giddy with power. Until I made one more pass up his length with my Hoover Mouth (Yes, I was changing its name to that of a vacuum cleaner. Don't judge me.) and I glanced up to see his eyes jerk open and his body completely freeze.
My lips were fastened around the head of his penis when he let out a yell.
"THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH MY WIENER! IT HAPPENS TO EVERY GUY!"
His legs jerked out from under me, sending me sprawling backwards to the foot of the bed while I watched him scramble up to the headboard, covering the part of his penis sticking out of his underwear with both of his hands.
"Where's Gavin?" he asked, his eyes frantically searching around the room. “He doesn’t have a vagina.”
I lay there on my back at the end of the bed, propped up on my elbows, wondering what the f**k just happened.
"Um, I'm assuming he's still sleeping. And I'm guessing you are too," I replied.
“Where’s the farmer with the muffins?”
I extended one of my legs and shoved his thigh with my foot.
"CARTER!" I yelled. "Wake up!"
He finally looked at me then, his face scrunched up in confusion. He blinked rapidly and shook his head quickly like he was trying to jar things into place.
"I had another dream that you were giving me a bl*w j*b, just like the other morning when Gavin was in the living room watching me sleep. Damn, this one seemed so f**king real," he muttered.
I had no idea what he was talking about right now.
His eyes still glanced worriedly around the room like he expected Gavin to jump out from under the bed or something and shout, "Surprise! I saw Mommy blowing you!"
He looked back at me again. "Why are you laying at the bottom of the bed?"
I sighed and then pushed myself up so I could move back to the top of the bed next to him. When I got up there, I leaned my back against the headboard and glanced down at his lap - where his hands were still crisscrossed over his penis that stuck out of the top of his underwear. He followed my line of sight, moved his hands quickly and yanked his underwear up to cover himself.
What a shame.
"Well, Carter, this time you weren't dreaming. My mouth was on your penis when you decided to start flailing about, yelling about your wiener and our son with a vagina."
The look on his face would have been hilarious if my mouth wasn't depressed from the loss of his penis in there. His penis should be allowed to have the Twizzler slogan, "Makes mouth happy."
"Oh my God. Tell me I didn't interrupt a bl*w j*b wake-up call. Say it isn't so and we can pretend I didn't just kick you off of my dick. I don't think my ego will recover from something like that."
I reached up and patted his cheek.
"Sorry, sweets, my mouth and lips were in fact all over your penis while you slept," I whispered.
He groaned.
"I have to say though, I'm a little surprised I never knew bl*w j*bs included donkey kicks to the sternum."
He groaned again but this time in irritation.
"Shit! It's not my fault. Whenever I'm around you, even if I'm unconscious, my dick gets hard and I have dirty dreams about you. I thought I was having a repeat of the other morning and I freaked out."
He looked at me and pouted his lips.
"Pretty please, do it again?" he begged.
I laughed at how much he sounded like a child right now.
The door to the bedroom suddenly burst open and Gavin flew in the room, scrambled up onto the bed and in between the two of us.
"Morning, Mommy," Gavin said as he snuggled into my side.
Carter sighed, knowing there was no use in begging any more. He smiled though and watched me wrap Gavin in my arms and slide down the headboard to get under the covers.
Once we were situated, Gavin looked over his shoulder at Carter.
"Morning, crabby-daddy," he said, before turning back to face me and play with my hair.
I laughed at that one. Carter did look a little crabby.
He just shook his head and laughed right along with me.
Gavin's hand cupped my cheek and he looked seriously into my eyes.
"Hey, Mom," he said.
I squeezed him tighter and smiled.
"Yeah, baby."
"Lemme see your boobs," he said.
19. This Patient Needs an Enema, STAT
Her mouth was on my penis.
We were sitting on the couch after lunch and all I could do was stare at Claire’s mouth over top of Gavin's head.
This is wrong on so many levels.
But Jesus fuck, those red, plump lips were wrapped around my penis and I kicked her away. Sure, it was unconsciously but still... I punted her like a football off of my dick. That was like rule number one in sex. Never kick a girl away from your dick if she's got her mouth there. If her teeth were clamped down on it and she's whipping it around like a chew toy, that's another story.