BRUISE CRUISE
Fades bruises of all shapes, sizes, and colors
BUFF STUFF
Temporarily increases muscle mass
DROOLY DEW
Temporarily makes the mouth hypersalivate
FADE FUEL
Speeds cell regeneration for someone who faded during a light leap
(The Slurps and Burps version includes limbium)
FART A LA CARTE
Temporarily causes an abundance of flatulence
FLOOF
Temporarily causes hair or fur to turn fluffy and feathery
FRECKLE JUICE
Temporarily gives the appearance of freckled skin
FRISSYN
A shimmering silver powder that puts out Everblaze.
(Frissyn is the hardest substance for an alchemist to make—and a recent addition to Slurps and Burps in light of challenges with the Neverseen.)
FUZZY FIZZ
Temporarily causes the body to be covered in short, mostly invisible hairs, giving skin a fuzzy feel
GASHROOMS
Small, stinky mushrooms used for both metal purification and elixir-making
(particularly prank elixirs)
GREENLEAF
Temporarily turns hair or fur bright green
GURGLE GUT
Temporarily causes abundant gaseous eruptions
HAIROIDS
Temporarily causes hair to grow much more rapidly than normal
HUSH SLUSH
Temporarily eliminates someone’s ability to talk
(generally lasts eight hours)
LIMBIUM
A substance used in elixirs that affects the limbic system
(must be kept safely away from Sophie Foster)
LOVELYLOCKS
Temporarily makes hair extra shiny and smooth
MERMAID-TIGER DELIGHT
Temporarily turns hair and fur a combination of purple, teal, and blue, with black stripes running through
NOGGINEASE
Temporarily clears the mind to allow greater focus during studying
QUICKSNUFF
A green powder that easily puts out fires
REEKROD
A stinky stalklike plant commonly used for pranks, either by itself or in elixirs
SCRATCHES ’N SPLITS
Immediately seals any cuts or scratches to the skin
SEA SEE
Temporarily turns eyes teal
TANNY FANNY
Temporarily gives pale skin the appearance of a suntan
WOUND WIPE
A quick and easy way to clean and treat small injuries
DEX’S FAIL-PROOF ALCHEMY TIPS!
(EVEN FOR YOU, SOPHIE!)
TRUST THE DIZZNEE METHOD. WE’RE THE BEST!
WHAP MEANS “WASH HANDS AND PRESENT.” (DO NOT “WHIP” THE ELIXIR INSTEAD! I KNOW YOU KNOW THIS, BUT IT SEEMED LIKE A GOOD REMINDER.)
ONLY PRACTICE ALCHEMY IN A FIREPROOF LOCATION. (WE, UH, BOTH KNOW WHY THIS ONE’S SO IMPORTANT.…)
ALWAYS POUR IN AMARALLITINE FROM A SAFE DISTANCE—AND USE A TIMER TO ENSURE YOU’RE ADDING IT AT THE EXACT SECOND THE ELIXIR IS READY FOR IT.
DON’T GET ANY RUCKLEBERRY JUICE ON YOUR SKIN—IT’LL MAKE YOU SMELL LIKE STINKY FEET. AND YOUR SKIN WILL GET ALL WEIRD AND WRINKLY LIKE FORKLE.
YEAH, A LOT OF THE INGREDIENTS FOR ELIXIRS ARE SUPER DISGUSTING. IT’S PROBABLY BETTER IF YOU DON’T THINK ABOUT IT. (AND PLUG YOUR NOSE! )
REMEMBER: LADY GALVIN HATES EVERYBODY—IT’S NOT JUST YOU. (ALTHOUGH MAYBE TRY NOT TO DESTROY HER CAPE AGAIN?)
ALKAHEST IS THE UNIVERSAL SOLVENT AND CAN ONLY BE STORED IN A BUBBLE OF ITSELF. (WHATEVER YOU DO, DO NOT TOUCH IT.)
IF YOU BOTTLE QUINTESSENCE (ACCIDENTALLY OR ON PURPOSE), DO NOT BRING THE BOTTLE TO FOXFIRE.
IF YOU SUDDENLY REMEMBER ANY COMPLICATED FORMULAS, DON’T TRY MAKING THEM. THE BLACK SWAN WAY OVERESTIMATED YOUR ALCHEMY SKILLS!
SLURPS AND BURPS BESTSELLERS
BUFF STUFF
LOVELYLOCKS
GURGLE GUT
MERMAID-TIGER DELIGHT
FART A LA CARTE
BROWN-EYE SOLIDARI-TEA
FLOOF
HUSH SLUSH
NOGGINEASE
MEDICINE
I’d forgotten how different elvin medicine is from the other species’ until Sophie moved to the Lost Cities and I saw how terrified she was of me! (Can’t totally blame her when I think about all the sharp things human doctors have to use!) I’ve also treated her bodyguards quite a few times, so it’s been an educational experience. And hey, all medicine has value. But I’m glad I get to work with elixirs, balms, and poultices (even if those can have some pretty nasty ingredients).
Sadly, I can’t fix everything—but that never stops me from trying. And thankfully I’ve been able to keep Sophie safe and healthy. So far…
—Elwin
Emotional Support Stuffed Animals
I’m definitely not the first person to realize the therapeutic power of a good snuggle buddy—nor can I take credit for giving out all of these. But I am a big supporter of the “hug a stuffed animal” movement. And someday I hope everyone tries sleeping with one!
—Elwin
OTHER COMMON REMEDIES AND TREATMENTS
BENNU TEARS
These extremely rare drops can increase the potency of most remedies, but especially in cell regenerators.
BILEPOD
This gray, walnut-shaped seed cures seasickness when anyone eats the reddish-brown goop inside (which smells like burnt garlic).
BOTTLED YOUTH
Elves drink at least one bottle of this cold, sweet water daily because it contains an essential enzyme that helps flush toxins out of the system. Any treatment plan for an illness or injury always includes additional bottles of Youth.
CALLOWBERRIES
These orange and green speckled fruits are used to reverse the effect of ruckleberries—but they taste and smell horrible.
CLARIFAVA
These strange, cube-shaped fruits with black-and-white speckles are known to help the body resist the influence of technology.
FATHOMLETHES
These tiny pearls (harvested from rare river oysters) can trigger vivid, overwhelming dreams when ingested—which makes taking fathomlethes both a risky and useful tool to access long-term memories.
HOLLOWTHISTLE TEA
This drink is most commonly described as “vile” and must be taken in moderation, since drinking too much in one sitting could cause someone’s insides to liquefy. It’s one of the best methods to purge poison or venom from the system.
JACULUS VENOM
Contains a powerful anticoagulant that can be used as a tissue regenerator when combined with Phoenix sweat.
KELPIE DUNG
The waste from a kelpie can take the sting of out terrible bites when applied to the skin.
KELPIE URINE
Most only use this remedy as a last resort, but it’s the absolute best way to regain equilibrium when fighting vertigo or seasickness.
LIMBIUM-FREE FADE FUEL
Similar to the product sold at Slurps and Burps, but designed specifically to treat Sophie Foster without triggering her allergy.
PHOENIX SWEAT
This valuable ingredient is used in burn salves and flesh regenerators (and works best when combined with jaculus venom).
PIQUATINE
This acid is nearly as strong as alkahest and can dissolve the top layers of skin—which is the only way to remove aromark if someone comes in contact with it. The process can be strange and gross, but with numbing balm, it’s completely painless.
POOKA PUS