But he didn’t say anything.
He just wrapped his arms around her—gently at first.
Then hugging her so much harder.
Like he was afraid to let her go—and maybe he was. Because his voice filled Sophie’s head, his consciousness slipping past all of her barriers so he could tell her, I know you’re trying to stop yourself from worrying too much—but I can’t laugh about this, Sophie. This is serious.
I know, she told him, digging her head deeper into the nook between his shoulder and neck and realizing how much she’d missed him—and how lucky she was that he still wanted to hold her like this after all the time she’d spent neglecting him. But it’ll be fine. Mr. Forkle said that he and Livvy have been researching the treatment for a while. And they’re going to give me way less limbium than they gave me the last time.
I still wish you didn’t have to do this, he told her.
Me too. But… I can’t keep pretending everything’s fine when one of my abilities is broken.
It’s not BROKEN, he argued. Mr. Forkle told me he’s just trying to make it fancier, the way they designed it to be or whatever.
That’s part of it—but… I almost took out everybody in Loamnore today because the dwarves’ defenses made me get all rage-y. And think of how many other times I’ve messed everything up with my inflicting. Like that day at Grizel’s training camp—if I hadn’t—
DON’T, Fitz interrupted. Don’t you dare blame yourself for that—you know how strong Umber was. She would’ve taken out Sandor and Grizel if you hadn’t, and probably hurt them a whole lot worse in the process.
Maybe, Sophie conceded. But… I still have to do this. The Neverseen won’t ever expect the ability to change like this—and we can’t pass up a chance to catch them off guard.
His chest heaved with a sigh. I know. That’s why I’m here. Whatever you need—whatever it takes, I’m getting you through this, okay?
She nodded against him, and he shifted slightly so he could pull her even closer, one hand tangling in her hair, the other reaching up to stroke her cheek.
“Okay, has everyone reached their Fitzphie overload point?” Ro asked. “Because I sure have. Besides, the doctor-lady’s here, so aren’t we supposed to get to the vomiting part now?”
“Livvy’s here?” Sophie asked, pulling back from Fitz to check.
And sure enough, there was the Black Swan’s physician, no longer bothering to wear her mask or use her code name.
“Hmm,” Livvy said, tossing her braided hair and grinning at Sophie and Fitz. “Looks like a few things have changed since the last time I saw you two, and I gotta say, you sure make a good-looking couple.”
“We do,” Fitz agreed, and Sophie was so relieved that he still thought of them as a couple that it took her brain a second to register that he’d also called her pretty—and she probably would’ve melted into a puddle of mush right then if Fitz hadn’t put his arms around her again.
The gesture felt protective this time, and his voice was all sharp edges as he told Livvy, “If you let anything happen to her—”
“Got it,” Livvy interrupted, tossing her braids again, and Sophie noticed that they glinted with tiny yellow jewels, which matched the sunny glitter Livvy had brushed across her dark skin. “And you can ease up on the worry there, Pretty Boy. I’m not going to let anything bad happen to your sweet girl.”
“Uh, you’re still going to give her something she’s deathly allergic to, right?” Fitz asked.
Livvy’s smile faded. “Okay, I guess what I should say is that I’m only going to let some temporary bad stuff happen to your sweet girl—and then I’m going to fix it all and make her a thousand times better. So you don’t have to worry, even though I get that you’re all going to. And while we’re being honest here, I’ll tell you what I just told the worrying-adult brigade inside: Moments of this definitely aren’t going to be pretty. So if you don’t want to see that, you might want to skedaddle.”
“I’m staying,” Fitz and Keefe said, pretty much simultaneously, followed by Biana a half second later.
“What about you?” Livvy asked Stina. “You’re new.”
“I am,” Stina agreed. And there wasn’t a drop of snottiness in her voice when she said, “And I’m staying right here.”
Things seemed to speed up after that as the rest of Sophie’s audience made their way over and Livvy moved everyone into position. Sophie climbed onto her pillow-and-blanket mountain and tried to focus on the whispering melodies coming from Calla’s tree as Livvy put Fitz on Sophie’s left and Keefe on her right, so each boy would be able to hold one of her hands during the reset—Keefe to monitor her emotions, and Fitz to keep track of her consciousness. Then Grady, Edaline, and Mr. Forkle were lined up right behind them, along with Sandor and Flori, and Flori added her own soft humming to the Panakes’ melodies as everyone else formed a half-moon curve around the tree—except for Elwin.
Elwin set Bullhorn on the pillow next to Sophie and moved to Livvy’s side—and Sophie tried to concentrate on all of the serious medical stuff they then went over with her. But she didn’t want to see the needle.
She knew it was there.
She’d caught a quick glance of the glass syringe filled with a thick blue liquid when Livvy handed it to Elwin.
And she knew it was the treatment that would save her life in the end.
But that didn’t stop her mind from thinking, Needle needle needle.
She tried to distract herself by staring into Bullhorn’s beady purple eyes, silently begging him not to freak everyone out as much as he had the last time.
“I’m going to be fine,” she whispered to him.
Bullhorn snorted.
And her brain thought, Needle. Needle. Needle.
“You will be fine,” Livvy assured her. “Regardless of what you choose, okay?”
Sophie nodded—and then her brain caught up to what Livvy had just said. “What do you mean ‘regardless of what I choose’?”
“I mean you still have one more decision to make before we get started.” She sat next to Sophie on the pillow-mountain and held out her hands, which were both curled into fists. “The thing is, as I was putting together this fix, I realized there were two ways to do it. We can go small”—she opened her left fist, revealing a tiny milky-white pill—“or we can go big”—she opened her right fist, revealing a larger pill that was shimmering emerald green. “Either one will trigger a reaction that will reset your inflicting.”
“So what’s the difference?” Sophie asked as Sandor and Grady already started calling for her to pick the white pill.
“The difference is, the white pill has a quarter of an ounce of limbium in it,” Livvy explained, “plus some other stuff to target the inflicting parts of your brain. And the green pill has half an ounce of limbium, the same stuff to target the inflicting parts of your brain, plus some stuff that’ll target one other place.”
“Where?” Grady demanded before Sophie could ask.
Livvy chewed her lip. “Her heart.”
Sophie reached for her chest, pressing her fingers against her ribs. “My heart.”