I didn’t even want to call him my father. It was his fault that my mother had treated us so badly all those years. He had been the reason for her sadness and bitterness.
“What? No! My god, no, Ellie. Jeff…Ellie, baby…please sit down,” my mother said with a weak smile. She turned and looked at my father. “You couldn’t wait for a few days longer until I talked to them?” she asked in a soft…almost caring voice.
He shook his head as he sat down. My mother took a seat next to him.
“Okay…can I just say that this is fucking weird?” Jefferson said as we both sat down.
They both gave us a slight smile, and then I almost fell out of my chair when my mother reached for my father’s hand.
I stood up quickly. “What is going on?” I practically shouted.
Jefferson reached up and pulled me back down. “Calm down, Ells…let Mom talk.”
My head was spinning. This is not happening. Are they friends now? Did he get in touch with her? Or did she get in touch with him?
“About three months ago, your father contacted me. I agreed to meet him—with Philip.”
I felt sick to my stomach. I put my hand on my swollen stomach, and right at that moment, the baby moved. I’d felt her move this morning, and I thought Gunner would have come out of his skin because he’d wanted to feel it so bad.
“Mom, why would you open up that hurt again?” Jefferson asked.
I watched as my father looked down and then up at my mom. She looked at him and smiled.
“Jefferson, Ellie, I will always love your father. He was my first love. He was probably the love of my life.”
My father reached up and wiped a tear away from his cheek. My heart jumped a beat, and I grabbed Jefferson’s hand.
“But I am also deeply in love with Philip, and I plan on spending the rest of my life with him. He gives me unconditional love, and I can’t imagine my life without him.”
I was finally able to open my mouth and say something. “Are you still with Angie?”
My father snapped his eyes up at me, and the moment his blue eyes caught mine, I wanted to cry. I remembered those eyes looking into mine while he’d told me stories. I used to dream I would marry someone like him.
“No. We divorced a few years ago. She left me and said she couldn’t live in the shadow of another woman.”
I shook my head, the anger building. “What in the hell does that mean?”
He took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “Ellie…your mother was my first love. She’s probably the only woman I’ve ever truly loved in my life.”
I went to say something, but Jefferson squeezed my hand.
“I had all these plans for us…and when we went to college, I sort of freaked out. I was leaving town for games, and all I could do was think about her. What was she doing? Who was she with? Did she miss me? My mind was consumed with thoughts of your mother.”
I began shaking. “Why did you cheat on her then?” I spat out with as much hate as I could.
My mother looked down and away.
Oh god…hearing him say this must be tearing her apart inside!
“I wish I could answer that, but there really is no answer. I was scared…scared of the feelings I had for her. A part of me wanted to push her away, so I wouldn’t have to worry about anything. I just wanted to worry about football and taking over my father’s business. The other part of me wanted her so much that I could hardly stand it.”
He looked over at my mom, who just gave him a weak smile.
“One day, your mother saw me kissing Angie at a game. I ran after your mom, and I promised myself that I would never see that look in her eyes again. I would never hurt her again.”
“But you didn’t keep that promise,” I said, my voice cracking.
My mother gave me a weak smile.
“Mom…are you okay?” I asked.
She smiled bigger as she tilted her head and slowly shook it. “Ellie, darling, your heart is so pure and sweet. Yes, sweetheart, I’m okay. Your father and I have been talking during the last few months about a lot of things. I think I have come to a place where I am able to forgive him. I needed this to happen, so I could have closure and move on with my life. So do you kids.”
I sat there, stunned. “Why didn’t you tell us you were talking to him?” I looked at my father. “Why didn’t you try to contact us? Why did you leave when we all needed you?” I finally lost it and broke down, crying.
Jefferson took me in his arms and held me while I cried uncontrollably from all the emotions surfacing all at once. The next thing I knew, I felt a hand on my knee. I pulled my face away from Jefferson to see my father kneeling down on the floor with tears streaming down his face. One quick look at my mother revealed that she was also crying.
“I’m so sorry, pumpkin eater,” he whispered.
“What did you call me?” I asked in a whispered voice.
“Pumpkin eater—it’s what I called you the first time I ever saw you.” He smiled.
I slowly shook my head. “But you didn’t want me. I was a mistake.”
His mouth dropped open, and he pulled back slightly. “Don’t ever say that Ellie. Ever. I did want you. I loved you and still do. I love you very much. You did nothing wrong.”
He looked up at Jefferson. “And neither did you, son. This is entirely my fault. All the pain and hurt I’d put the three of you through was all my fault. I have no excuse for what I did. I walked away from three of the most important people of my life because I was a scared, selfish bastard. I wanted that free life of partying and traveling that I didn’t get to have. If I had a wife and family, I couldn’t do that.” He dropped his head and began sobbing. “I was a stupid fool, such a stupid fool.”
I slowly looked at my mother, who was wiping away her tears. I was so confused, and my head was spinning.
“Why Angie though? You kissed her before you even knew Mom was pregnant with Jeff.” I said.
He looked up at me, and his eyes caught mine. “Because I was an asshole, Ellie. I don’t have any other reason than that. I was a cheating bastard. I loved your mother more than anything, but there was a side of me that just wanted to…I don’t know.” He shook his head. “Angie gave me attention like I’d never had before, and I…I liked it.”
I peeked over at my mother as she sat there so calmly while she dabbed her eyes. She’d come so far, and I just prayed that this wouldn’t have a negative effect on her.