Blake paused, then settled back in his chair and waited.
Carson drew back her hand and looked at it on the table. “Look, I know I disappointed you. Where do we go from here?”
He shrugged. “I don’t know.”
Carson glanced at him and felt a shiver of fear. In that moment she knew she didn’t want him to walk away. It was a new feeling for her. In the past if there was any discord or trouble, she was the first one to sprint. But now, for the first time, she didn’t want to see this end.
“I made a mistake. I own it. Haven’t you ever made a mistake?”
“Sure I have. It’s not that.” He paused and it felt like eons before he spoke again. “I just don’t know if we want the same things. I thought we did, but now . . .”
Carson felt her spine stiffen as she gathered her tumbling thoughts. “I am the same person today I was yesterday, and the day before that. But I’ve gone through a lot in these few days. Learned a lot. So much.”
Carson began to speak and suddenly it was like she’d opened up the dam and the words came flowing out. She spared no detail as she told him how she’d awakened to the screams of Delphine, her horror at finding the brutal lacerations, the hook in the mouth, how desperate she felt when Delphine had to be flown to Florida. Carson told Blake about her fury at Nate for leaving the rods out, what Dora had said about her mother and Mamaw’s explanation, and how she’d remembered, after all these years, the night of her mother’s death. Finally, she was honest in describing how, desperate, she got drunk on the dock.
“I know I can’t change the past. Not my mistakes or the mistakes of others. But I can begin by changing me. Blake, I feel like I’m at the threshold of a new beginning for myself. It’s a time for second chances. For Delphine and for me both.” She took a deep breath. “I’m asking for that second chance with you.”
Blake rubbed his jaw, clearly giving her confession due diligence. When he spoke, his voice wasn’t condescending. Carson blessed him for that.
“I know I was rough on you that day in the water. It’s not that I would’ve been short with anyone who was down there. I was especially mad to see you.”
“I know,” she said, feeling defeated and looking out the window. “Because you felt betrayed.”
“Because I was scared.”
She swung her head to look at him. He was tearing at the edge of his paper cup.
“I was scared you’d get hurt. Dolphins are powerful wild animals that can be very aggressive. They can seriously bite—there are lots of incidents on record. If I sounded angry, it was because I saw you in the water and was worried.”
She felt sure he saw the relief on her face. “The only one who can hurt me is you.”
“I don’t want to hurt you.”
“Then don’t.”
After she’d said good-bye to Blake, Carson walked directly to Dunleavy’s. There was one more atonement she had to make.
The pub was quiet, in the lull period between lunch and the cocktail hour. A few regulars sat at the tables. She spotted Devlin at the bar. There was no way to avoid him and get to Brian behind the bar. Brian looked up when he saw her and stopped polishing the glass.
“Hey, Brian,” she called out as she approached.
“Carson,” he replied, strangely aloof. “You’re feeling better?”
“Yes, thanks,” she replied, nervous at his obvious coolness.
Devlin’s eyes sparked at seeing her. “Hey, stranger,” he said, leaning over the bar. “Glad to see you back. Missed your pretty face. It’s tough staring at Brian’s ugly mug.”
She looked at Devlin, not entirely surprised that he wasn’t the least bit sheepish about his bad behavior. She wondered if he even remembered it.
“Hey, Dev,” she replied casually, then looked again at Brian. “Can I talk to you? In private.”
“Sure.” He set down the glass and towel. “In my office,” he said, directing her to one of the booths.
She followed him to the booth farthest away from the bar and slid in opposite him. Devlin followed them with his gaze, perplexed. Carson sat on the booth bench with her knees tight together and her hands clasped in her lap. She looked across the wood-slab table at Brian. He’d leaned back, hands laced on the table, waiting.
“Brian, I’m ashamed of something I’ve done,” she began haltingly. “You might’ve heard what happened to the dolphin at the Sea Breeze dock?”
He nodded soberly. “It’s a small island. Very sad.”
“I loved that dolphin and it was my fault. A few other things went down that day and I was hurting. Bad. When I came to work, I wasn’t myself. Not that it excuses what I did,” she hurried to add. She swallowed hard. She had to stop scurrying around the truth and just spit it out. “Brian, I stole a bottle of Southern Comfort from you.”
Brian was quiet a moment. “I feel a little sick about it,” he said, looking at his hands.
“That makes two of us,” Carson said. “Would it make you feel better if I told you it was the only time I ever stole anything? Like ever, in my life?”
He looked up and saw the sincerity in her eyes, but his jaw was clenched. “Would it make you feel any better if I told you it didn’t matter?”
Some of the color drained from her face and for a moment she thought she might get sick. “I’ll pay for it,” Carson said.
Brian looked at her with an oh, come on stare. “Yeah, then everything will be fine. We’ll just go back to the way it was.”
Carson looked at her hands, feeling her heart sink. “No, I know that can’t happen.”
“I know how drinking can seem to put problems on the back burner.” Brian pulled at his nose. “No back burners, kid. You’re turning a blind eye, that’s all. It’s no solution.”
“I figured that out. You seem to be familiar with this stuff,” she said cautiously.
“Twenty years sober,” he said. “And yes, I am an alcoholic.”
Carson was caught off guard by his admission. “Then why work at a bar?”
He half smiled. “Look, kiddo. I’ve been doing this a long time. I know I can be around liquor and not drink. You don’t know that. You can’t be around liquor.”