Once we break through the clearing, we get a few yards out and Wyatt nods. My nerves flutter as the horse pushes through. It’s been so long. But I remember the feelings as if it were yesterday. I close my eyes and draw in a deep breath before the trees part. As I exhale, Shortstop flies.
I smile as I hold the reins and lean forward. My legs move with his gallop and I feel alive. My heart can’t contain any pain as I fly. Each push of his legs sends me to a place where there is no sadness. No death haunting my thoughts, just air. The struggle to breathe lifts. All I am is free. Freedom breaks the chains that have bound me. Chains that have crippled me.
We ride for miles through the Tennessee countryside. I glance over and see Wyatt staring back. He smiles as if he can read my thoughts. He pulls back, slowing his horse to a trot, and I follow.
“There she is,” he says innocently. I know Wyatt, and nothing he says is offhanded. He’s a man who says what he means.
“You see too much.”
“I know you. I’ve known you since we were infants. So yeah, I see you. You going to tell me what’s really going on?”
I jerk back on the reins and the lightness I felt moments ago dissipates. “I’m just trying to get my bearings.”
Wyatt doesn’t say anything, but I can feel the air thicken. “I’ve never known you to give up.” I look over quickly and his eyes stay on mine. “Don’t start now. Fight hard, because there’s nothing you can’t do.”
So many thoughts float through my mind, but I can’t seem to get them to come out. I want to cry, scream, confess, and run as fast as I can. I don’t want to feel anymore. Why can’t I be numb? Isn’t there a way for me to I can hold onto that feeling of weightlessness? Because I really need it. I deserve it.
“Not today. Give me today,” I say and then spur the horse forward.
As we race back toward the ranch, there is no peace. The high that I was chasing is gone. Freedom is an intoxicating emotion that I want to drown in. But I’m not free. I’ve been condemned to live back in Bell Buckle.
Wyatt follows me to the barn and holds the horses as I climb down. “Thanks for this,” I say, touching his arm.
He smiles and tips his head. “Anytime, Cowgirl.”
“You know, you’re one of the few things I missed.”
He laughs. “I always knew you liked me best.”
“I wouldn’t go that far.”
“I’m glad you’re back. I know you’re not, and I get why you stayed away.” He pauses for just a second. “But I’m glad you’re in Bell Buckle, where you belong. Next we’ll work on getting you to smile more.”
“Don’t get too comfortable with me being around. I’m not staying forever.” I turn and head out.
“Presley?” Wyatt’s voice stops me.
“Yeah?”
“There’s not a soul who doesn’t have a skeleton of some sort, but the longer you keep it locked up, the longer it’s going to hold you down.”
Tears pool and I fight back the words. I want to blurt it out. Tell him, or hell, anyone , the truth. No one understands the visions that I can’t stop seeing. His eyes. The way he didn’t move. The black bag he left in. It’s there all the damn time. I want it to go away, but it won’t.
“I want—” I start. “I can’t yet. I want to, but I can’t.”
He nods. “Well, anytime you wanna ride my stallion . . . feel free to let me know.”
“Oh, my God.” I laugh. Leave it to Wyatt to soften the mood.
“That’s what they call me.”
“What lucky girls.” I snort in disgust.
“Hey,” he says as an afterthought. “What are you doing tonight?”
I pretend to have to think. “Not a damn thing.”
“Be ready at seven. I need someone to take a ride with me.”
I look at him as if he sprouted a third head. That’s all I need. Being seen in this damn town riding around with another Hennington brother. No, thank you. “On second thought, I am busy.”
“Get un-busy.”
“It doesn’t work that way. I have the boys.”
Cooper’s voice breaks our mini argument. “I’ve got the boys. You need to leave this property before people say we’re holding you hostage.”
I look at my brother, wishing I could punch him in the balls. What is with the damn men in my life? All of them think they know what’s best for me. Pains in my damn ass.
“I’m not up to it.”
“Good,” Wyatt says and claps his hands. “I’ll see you later.”
“I said no.”
“I don’t accept.”
“I’m not going,” I say with my arms crossed.
Wyatt steps forward. “I’ve carried your tiny ass out of that bedroom window once before. I’ll do it again. Be ready or you’re going in whatever you’re wearing.” He taps my nose and saunters off with me scowling.
There’s not a doubt in my mind he’ll do it. And not a freaking person in my house who would stop him. Damn him.
“P RESLEY! WYATT IS HERE!” MAMA calls out.
“So is this a date?” Cayden asks.
“No. Not at all,” I reassure him. There’s no way I want to date anyone, and certainly no one from here. I’ll never go through that again. Besides, Wyatt is like a brother to me. “Wyatt is a friend that I went to school with. He just needs someone to go run some errands with.”
Logan walks over and then clutches his arms around me. “I miss Daddy.”
I cup his face and kiss his nose. “I know, baby. I miss him too.”
As angry as I am . . . I still miss him. Sure, throughout the years we had ups and downs like any other couple, but I loved him. Todd understood me. He wasn’t the burn-the-sheets type of love, but he was a reliable love. There wasn’t a moment I felt like he would abandon me. Until he did.
“I don’t want a new dad.” Cayden stands to the side with a scowl. “You can’t do this.”
“Cayden.” I walk over to him. “No one said you’re getting a new dad. This is a friend. And I don’t need your permission.”
This isn’t easy on them. They’ve endured a boatload of changes, none of which they asked for. At the same time, I feel like we’re all in purgatory. None of us are living. And if I don’t start moving forward, they’ll never follow. Instead of Wyatt carrying me out of my room, I’m going to walk out on my own.