“I haven’t lost my temper either.”
“First,” he says, leaning forward and resting his elbows on his knees. “I’m truly sorry. I never wanted to hurt you. I loved you so much, and leaving you that day was the hardest thing I’ve ever done. I’ve lived my whole life regretting that choice.”
I sit back as the air expels from my lungs. “That’s what you start off with? For Christ’s sake, Zach, let’s not waste any time getting to the heavy stuff.”
“If I didn’t say it now, I don’t know if you’d let me have that chance.” His fingers run through his hair, which means he’s nervous. At least it’s not just me. “I’ve never forgiven myself for hurting you.”
I roll my eyes. “You didn’t hurt me. You killed me. But that’s all in the past. I’m over it, and you.”
“Was the stapler itchin’ to be thrown?”
“Are you saying I’m not over you? Do you think I’ve spent all this time pining for you?” I ask with my arms crossed. Idiot.
“I didn’t mean—” He stops. “I didn’t think you were.”
Years I’ve wanted to hear those words. I wanted to know how it was so easy for him to choose baseball over me. I was his fiancée. He made me promises. I’ve never loved anyone like Zach. First love is naïve. I was open and trusting. I didn’t hold back on how much love I gave; he got every ounce inside of me. He took over every nook and cranny. There are spaces inside that Todd never could touch because they were Zach’s. I hate him for that. I hate that I would look at Todd sometimes and wish he acted like Zach. It is irrational and unfair, but that’s the truth.
“So, Felicia, huh?”
“She’s changed,” he says.
“I’m sure.” She hasn’t.
Zach rubs his hands on his legs. This is uncomfortable for both of us. “Can we not talk about her? Please,” he pleads. “I didn’t come here to fight.”
“What do you want to talk about?”
It’s not like I even want to have this conversation, but it seems it’s unavoidable. “This used to not be so hard,” he says as he grabs the back of his neck. “We used to talk about anything.”
“Zach,” I say with a sigh. “I don’t know what you want here. It’s been almost eighteen years since we last saw each other. And when we said goodbye it wasn’t on good terms. There’s a shit ton unresolved between us. If you came here for forgiveness—I forgive you. If you came here for a friendship—I can’t do that.”
He sits back and doesn’t respond. I wait for him to say something after my tirade, but I get nothing.
Well, I refuse to say another word.
Finally, he clears his throat. “I didn’t come here looking for anything. I came here because Wyatt said you have no plans of leaving. I thought you were passing through, so I stayed away. I knew you didn’t want to see me. And if we’re being honest, I didn’t know if I wanted to see you.”
“Gee, thanks.”
“Let me finish.” He groans. “You bring up a whole lot of shit I buried.”
“Well, sorry to make you suffer.”
“Fucking hell, Presley.” His voice grows more agitated. “I’m trying to be nice here.”
I couldn’t give a shit what he’s trying to do. “Seventeen years! Seventeen years! Nice? You think being nice is going to erase all of that? Did you really think I was going to be happy to see you? I’ve avoided this damn town because it hurts too much.” I let out a long breath through my nose. “I’m not in love with you. I don’t need to clear anything up. Everyone keeps talking about you, and I don’t want to! Every single place here has something that reminds me of you. Hell, this damn desk does!”
His eyes go to it as his grin forms. Bastard. “I live with the memories too. You’re not the only one who lost here. I wanted a future, but you closed that door when I left.”
“Say that last part again.”
“I didn’t leave you because I didn’t love you. I wanted to build a life with you! It didn’t have to be over!”
My heart skips a beat. As much as I will try to fight the draw—it’s there. Zach holds a string that’s tied inside of me. If he pulls, I’ll unravel. I’m praying I can keep enough tension to prevent that pain. I’ve had enough in the last few months.
“Yeah.” I sigh. “It really did.” So many things he doesn’t even have a clue about. What I went through when he left. The heartache I endured . . . he doesn’t have an inkling of what I suffered.
“I know I hurt you. I hate that I broke your heart. I also know you’re married.”
I look at my hand. He heard Wyatt say I was single. He’s fishing, but the truth is already out there. “My husband passed away, but I’m guessing you know something about that.” I challenge him. “I highly doubt your mama didn’t mention it.”
“I’m sorry. I really am,” he says, leaning forward. “All I knew was that you were back because of something with him, but I was trying to let you say it.”
So many years. So many memories between us. It’s easy to look at him and recall them all. Zach reminds me of a time when life was just—easy. We lived as if nothing could touch us. We had passion, trust, love, and hope for the future we dreamed of. I still see the boy who had the world at his feet. He’s deep inside this man who I don’t know anymore.
“I really need to get back to work.”
“Mom!” Logan barrels through the door. “Cayden took my iPad and deleted all the pictures.” His face is red from either running or crying.
“I’m sure we’ll get them back,” I reassure him.
Logan pants, trying to catch his breath. “They had all my pictures of Dad.”
I stand and come around the desk as he holds the tablet out. “I have photos of your daddy. Don’t worry.”
The chair shifts and Zach stands as Logan and I look over. My chest constricts at the sight of my son standing before the man that could’ve been my husband. My eyes shift between them.
Zach steps forward with a smile. “Hey there. I’m Zach Hennington.” He extends his hand. “You know my brother, Wyatt?”