My heart cracks as the reality that my wishes won’t ever be possible flows through my veins. “It doesn’t matter what I wish for, none of it will ever come true.”
“I don’t know about that. You can always wish, but it doesn’t mean your wishes will get answered. Sometimes you have to choose whether what you’re wishin’ for is really what you want.”
“Okay, Yoda.”
We stand at the edge of the water as I look above me, wondering where Todd is. If he can see and hear this. I question if he knows what’s in my and the boys’ hearts. I ruminate about all the choices I’ve made and their outcomes. Choices are something we take for granted until we no longer have any options, and then we want to go back in time.
“Hop on,” Wyatt says, squatting in front of me.
I scoff. “I’m not getting on your back.”
“Woman, you always have to be a pain in the ass.”
He turns around, crouches back down, and grips my knees. I don’t have a moment to respond before I’m thrown over his shoulder. “Wyatt Hennington! You put me down!”
He trudges into the creek. “You sure about that?”
“No,” I groan. “One day you’ll let me have my way the first time.”
“I doubt that. You usually pick wrong. I figure I’m saving us both a headache by doing it this way.”
“You should talk.”
A few more steps and we’re at the rock. He puts me down, and I curl my legs so he has room. “Let’s talk. You’re stuck out here until you get over your shit.”
I don’t mention that I could walk my way back. I mean, it’s two feet of water. However, I don’t think that’s the point. “What do you want me to say?”
He inches closer and nudges me with his arm. “Start with why you came back.”
“My husband.” I hesitate, needing to breathe a few times before I can continue. “He put us in a really bad spot.”
“How so?”
Oh, the ways are never ending. This is the part I struggle with. How much information can I actually disclose? Why am I hiding all of his transgressions? Todd clearly didn’t give a shit, so why do I? Part of it is pride, I know this. I don’t want people to see how oblivious I was. Because only a fool doesn’t know how bad their life is falling apart. “I was in the dark about every part of my life. I didn’t know that Todd had lost his job or that we were in debt. So when he died, I had a mountain of problems dropped in my lap.”
Wyatt rubs my back. “So you came back to put yourself on track?”
“I came back homeless. We lost it all. Literally. I was so stupid, Wyatt.”
“You weren’t stupid. If your husband didn’t tell you, how would you know?”
I let out a half laugh. “Only someone so selfish and wrapped up in themselves wouldn’t know their husband was out of work. I had no idea how bad things were. I could’ve helped out, but Todd went on like everything was fine. But it wasn’t. It was—is—so bad.”
“I don’t know if you were selfish or just didn’t want to know.”
It’s true, I didn’t want to know anything. I let him handle every aspect of our financials because that was what he did for a living. It was natural for him to take the bills, and I ran the rest of our home. Looking back now, I was ignorant. I should’ve known at least something about our situation. And if I were being completely honest, the writing was on the wall, but I covered it with paint so I didn’t have to see it.
“Do you think I’m pathetic?”
“Of course I don’t!”
“I’m a thirty-five-year-old widow with two boys, and I live with my mother and father.”
He sighs. “Okay, maybe a little.”
I elbow him and he laughs. “Jerk.”
“Look, life is a gamble. You played your cards and lost. Doesn’t make you a loser. Means you need to find a new dealer.”
I shake my head and grin at him. “You need to stop watching The Hangover . You’ve never even been to Vegas.”
“I don’t need to go to Vegas to learn about gambling.”
“I guess it’s better than quoting Kenny Rogers lyrics.”
“I’m serious.” Wyatt’s tone shifts. “You’re not stupid for loving someone or trusting them. Sometimes the other person loves you back, other times they love your brother.”
“Wyatt,” I say softly.
“You know I’ve loved you since I can remember. I know we’ll never be. I accepted that a long time ago, but I like to give you shit when I can. One day you’ll get your heads out of your asses and fix this mess you both made.”
Wyatt told me about how he felt when Zach left for college. It wasn’t in a leave-your-brother-for-me type of way. He explained that he had to tell me so he could move on. I cried as he clarified his feelings. I loved him, but not in that way. He also told Zach, which didn’t go over well.
My hand finds his and he squeezes. “It would’ve been easier if it was you,” I admit.
“It would’ve been easier if it wasn’t you.”
We both fall quiet as the water rushes past us. I yawn and Wyatt pulls me close. I rest my head on his shoulder with my eyes closed. It would’ve been so different if I had chosen him. Wyatt would’ve grounded me. He never had intentions of leaving here. He wanted to run his family’s horse ranch, settle down, and have kids. Somehow we’ve both drifted so far off our paths we’re not even in the same state.
Wyatt clears his throat waking me from the half-dazed state I fell under. “The sun is coming up. Time to head back.”
I groan. “Five more minutes.”
Cold water pelts me as I squeal. “Stop!”
I jump up as he continues. “Good morning, Cowgirl. Glad to see you’re ready to head back. I was worried you were going to want to sleep here forever.”
“It’s a wonder why some girl hasn’t married you yet,” I tease.
“Am I throwing you over my shoulder or are you going to be a good girl?”
I climb on his back, and we head to the property. He moves with such ease as I rest my head on his shoulder. Wyatt doesn’t put me down when we get to the creek bank like I expect. He keeps going, and I relax. “Thanks for this,” I say as he gets closer to the house.