My hands cinch around his forearms as I mull over what he said. “I can’t make sense of Todd, though.”
“I don’t know why either. Were you happy?” His voice strains a little.
“I thought so. I know this isn’t easy to listen to.” I turn to face him.
He cups my face and looks at me with so much compassion I almost can’t take it. “Presley, you were married. You had two boys. I left you almost sixteen years ago. It would be ridiculous for me to think you didn’t have a life or love.”
My eyes fill with tears. “But to think of Felicia and you . . .” I take a step back.
“You have to trust me. The only way we’re ever going to know is if we’re honest. Does it suck to know another man has touched you? Yes.” Zach moves closer. “Do I want to think about the fact that he was there for you because I left? No.” My fingers clasp his wrist. “But God help me, Presley. I’ll listen to it all. I want to know it all. The good, the bad, the happy, the sad, and then I want the rest.”
A tear descends as my guard falls. “I’m afraid I’ll never heal. I don’t know how to heal.”
The anger that lives inside me has prevented any forward progress. Todd robbed me of everything I knew. My home, my friends, Angie, any financial freedom I had. We lost everything because of him. I lost my husband too, though. It hurts to know all the things we’ve shared are now just memories. He wasn’t mean or unfaithful. He was the man who held my hand through thirty-six hours of labor. He stood by me when I decided to open my business. There’s a part of him that, no matter how angry I am, will claim a special place inside of me.
Zach has never had to love me when part of my heart belonged to someone else.
“I don’t expect you to forget about him.” The pain in his voice is hidden well, but I see it in his eyes. “He’s a part of you. And you’re already healing, you have to let it happen.”
“I’ve loved you since I can remember. I’ve never been able to stop, and I never will. But you’re going to have to be patient.” My voice quivers. Everything inside me is playing tug-of-war. I want him, I don’t want to. I love him, I shouldn’t. He could heal me; he could break me. All of my thoughts contradict one another. But one thing that keeps coming to the forefront is: I don’t want to have a life without him. Whether as my friend, or something more serious.
His eyes close and he rests his forehead against mine. “I’ll be patient.”
“Like, very patient.”
He laughs and lifts his head. “I know. However, feel free to leap into my arms and kiss the shit out of me anytime.”
I giggle as I shake my head. “I don’t know what that was.”
“I’m okay with it,” he jokes.
“I bet you are.”
“Like I said, I’m ready and willing.”
My eyes lock on his. “I’m glad to hear it.”
Zach’s smile grows. “I’ve missed you. I’ve missed this. We were always—easy.”
My hand presses against his cheek. The feel of his day-old stubble scratches my palm. My fingers glide back and forth against his face, reminding me he’s real. Zach was always a dream to me. A beautiful hope that would never be. But this, right now, isn’t a dream. “Do you know why I couldn’t come back here?” I ask.
“No.”
I sigh and drop my hand. It’s a lot to admit. It’s not something I’m proud of. I loved my husband, that was never something I doubted. But there was a part of me that knew if I saw Zach, I wouldn’t be able to walk away. “You,” I admit.
Zach’s hands drop and he takes a step back. “I don’t understand.”
“I don’t either.” My voice shakes as I speak. “I never could understand why, when I would allow myself a moment to think of you, I would hurt. I don’t know if it was lack of closure or if I was terrified the memories I buried so deep would come back.” I turn and face the woods as I come to terms with my emotions. “I knew that if I saw you, if we were close again.” I spin so he can see me. “You would be where my heart would find comfort again.”
Zach rubs his face before looking at the sky. “Do you know how many times I wanted to find you?”
I shake my head.
“I went to your father once. I begged him to tell me where you were, but he said I’d had my shot and blew it. That you were engaged, happy, and over me.”
My jaw drops at his admission. I never knew that. In all these years, my father never mentioned that. “I don’t know that I’ve ever been over you. I loved Todd. I loved our life. I loved how happy he made me. But you’ve found a way to become a part of who I am. Does that make sense?”
He strides closer. “I loved after I lost you, too. But it was never close to what I felt for you.”
When two people loved each other without inhibitions, the way we have, there is no chance of ever being the same again. The connection we share isn’t something that can be severed. I learned to love differently, and in this instant, my soul has found its way back to him.
“Kiss me,” I say in a hushed voice.
His arm snakes around my back as he draws me near. My breathing gets shallow as I realize what is going to happen. I’m going to let him kiss me. I’m going to kiss him because that’s all I can think about. We’ve shared two very different moments, now I want this. Zach’s eyes melt into pools of indigo. The pinks, oranges, and reds filter around him as the sun sets behind him. Everything is warm and beautiful around us.
“Are you sure, darlin’?”
“I’ve loved you since I was twelve years old, Zachary Hennington. You were my first kiss, my first love, the first man to touch me. I want you to kiss me, and I need to kiss you.”
As I look into his eyes, I remember everything over the last few months. Him giving the boys their horses, finding Cayden, the way he cared for me at the bar, the way he was always watching me, and then he left Felicia to give us a chance. No guarantees that we could ever find our way back to each other, but I was worth the risk.
His hand tightens around my hip as his other holds the side of my face. He slowly pulls me in and my eyes close. As soon as our lips touch, my heart explodes. Everything inside of me tenses, and I grab the back of his neck. I feel so much all at once. I’m scared, happy, sad, desperate, and hopeful. It’s as though I’ve found my place again. Zach is home. Zach is the place that I’ve always known and wanted.