“Ah, that’s who he reminds me of,” Bodi says, snapping his fingers.
I laugh. “Damian?”
Bodi doesn’t look the slightest bit reprimanded that he called Maggie’s brother the anti-Christ. “And a little bit of myself when I was younger.”
That I can believe.
Pike and I are helping Bodi in the kitchen with some cocktails and late-night snacks. The kids got off the plane earlier today and they’re all fighting through jet-lag and no one feels like eating a large meal. In fact, I think the twins are already in bed asleep. I have no idea where April is but I probably should find her.
I’ve been drinking. I probably shouldn’t since I have a breakfast tomorrow morning at the Ethiopian embassy, but it’s been a stressful day. The fact that Maggie’s identity was blown has thrown a wrench into our original plans. Originally, Maggie wanted to take them to Gamla Stan tomorrow and show them around the old town but with the press reporting what they are, it’s not such a good idea anymore.
We’re just fortunate that when we went to the airport, they weren’t harassed. Airports are so busy and chaotic anyway, I’m sure Maggie and crew blended right in as everyone got into the limo without a problem. Of course I stayed in the limo waiting for them and it was such a nice surprise to see all their faces again, even April’s who seems to have softened just a bit. Or maybe that’s the jet lag.
“Where is April?” I ask them as Bodi arranges cheese on a platter. “Is she with Maggie?”
Pike shrugs. “I don’t know. I think Maggie went to bed.”
“What? She’s not the one with jet lag.”
Pike finally looks up, his brows pinches in disapproval. “I think this whole thing with her life story being flashed on the cover of every newspaper is a little overwhelming for her.”
And I think her brother just put me in my place.
He goes back to looking at his phone and I exchange a look with Bodi. Then I grab a bottle of scotch from the counter and head out of the kitchen.
I can hear Callum running around on the second floor and even though it’s only eight at night, I wince thinking of anyone who might be trying to sleep.
Including Maggie.
Poor girl.
I have never been one to pity her because Maggie never wants anyone’s pity but I know how hard this has to be on her, how violated she must feel. There is no guidebook for this and we’ll have to take it as it comes and this is just day one of it all but all I can do is hope and pray that we’ll be able to get through this.
The thought of it becoming too much for her, the thought of her leaving…
Because she might do that, won’t she? Leave with the kids when it’s time to go. I thought my chances of convincing her to stay were slim, but I always assumed she would eventually come back. That we could make this work as a long distance relationship if nothing else. If it became official.
But now…now the fear is building in my chest, one brick on top of the other, getting higher and higher until I can’t breathe.
She might leave me and never come back.
No matter how I ask her to stay.
Even if it’s forever.
And remember forever isn’t enough.
At that I slug back some of the scotch and make my way into the library.
The lights are off so I flick them on and I’m surprised to see April sitting in an arm chair in the middle of the room, a glass of something beside her.
“Why are you sitting in the dark?” I ask her suspiciously.
She shrugs. “I don’t know. Felt like it.”
“You’re not tired? It’s late enough now, you can go to bed.”
Another shrug. “I’m not tired.”
I pause, take another swig of the scotch which catches her attention.
“Can I have some?” she asks.
I peer at her glass. “What’s in there?”
“Some Swedish apple drink,” she says, eying my bottle pleadingly.
I exhale heavily, feeling like I’ve already fucked up today so why not.
I walk over to her and she holds out her glass and I pour the smallest amount possible into the remains of her drink. “It’s scotch,” I tell her. “I don’t think you’ll like it.”
“As long as it’s not too peaty,” she says, taking a small sip. “Probably better on its own but it will do.”
I frown at her, taken aback. “Not too peaty? May I ask how you know all these things? You’re fourteen.”
If looks could kill. “Just because I’m fourteen and I’m from a small town doesn’t mean I’m not worldly. I know my scotch.”
Jeez. Okay.
“I guess I had you pegged wrong,” I tell her.
“Most people do,” she grumbles.
“Mind if I sit down?”
She shrugs. “Whatever.”
I sit down beside her and put my feet up on the coffee table, place the bottle to my lips and have another gulp, swallowing that beautiful burn.
April’s eyes are on me. “I’ve never seen you drink like this.”
My turn to shrug. “Maybe you’ve pegged me wrong too.”
She seems to think this over. “Maybe.”
“So how were things at home with Maggie gone? Must have been nice,” I say, knowing how well they don’t get along.
She narrows her eyes at me. “Must have been nice?”
“Yes. I’m assuming you get along better with Pike.”
She studies me for a few moments, then has a quick sip of her drink, smacking her lips together. “I don’t know,” she says slowly. “Pike isn’t any better.”
“Well I can tell you that both Maggie and Pike are trying their best. They’re trying very hard.”
“I know,” she says sharply and then sighs, falling back into the couch. “I know they are and I wish they would stop.”
“Why?”
“Because it’s not their job. It was mom and dad’s job.”
“April, your sister is your legal guardian.”
“But she’s not my mother!” she snaps and before I know what’s happening, tears are streaming down her face. “She’s my sister and I miss my sister. I miss having her as a sister. I miss our real mother. I miss my father. I miss them so much!”
She starts sobbing and I gently put my arm around her, pulling her into me, shocked that April is breaking down and opening up.
“I just want things to go back to the way it was,” she cries. “I want everyone to be happy again. I know that Maggie is trying and I feel awful for her, about everything she’s lost, but we’ve lost so much too. We’re all hurting and we’re all trying to get through it. Callum cries himself to sleep sometimes and it breaks my heart and it makes me so angry. It makes me so so angry and nothing changes! Nothing happens. We’re stuck like this forever.” She starts to shake slightly. “I just miss them and I can’t handle that they aren’t here.”
“It’s okay. I understand.”
“How can you understand?” she cries into me, sniffing. “You’re a fucking prince! You don’t know what it’s like.”
It then occurs to me that Maggie has never told her family about Alex. In a way I’m touched that she’s kept that so private.
“I know what it’s like, April,” I tell her, my voice grave. “I lost my brother earlier this year. He was the heir apparent, he was the next in line for the throne and I was always in his shadow. But he wasn’t well and we were all too selfish and busy to realize it, to really take it seriously. He committed suicide.” I pause, taking in a deep breath, trying not to cry either. There’s something about talking about it, reliving that moment that I can never get past.
“I found him.” I swallow the growing lump in my throat, feeling my lungs squeeze together. “I can never forget the sight. And sometimes I feel just like you and Maggie and everyone else because there’s no way around it. There’s no changing it. We’re stuck like this. Death is a truth that doesn’t move an inch.”
She sighs against me and I give her shoulders a squeeze. It’s nice having her with me like this, a side I’ve never seen, but I think she needs to show it to Maggie.
“You should tell Maggie all of this, you know. Don’t bottle it up inside. She thinks you hate her.”
“I don’t hate her,” she grumbles, pulling away and wiping the tears from her eyes with her fingers. “I just hate that she tries to be my mother.”
“You know she doesn’t have a choice. If it wasn’t her it would be someone else.”
“Like a nanny? I think I’d like that better. Then she can just be a sister again.”
“Well if you ever end up moving here, you can pick your own nanny.”
She blinks at me. “Moving here? We’re moving here?”
“Well, no,” I tell her. “That was premature of me.”
“But you’ve obviously thought about it. Is that why we’re all here? A test run?”
I take another swig. “I don’t know. Would you want to move to Sweden?”
“Sure.”
I jerk my chin inward. “Really? Just like that? No thought? I mean, you just got here. Us Swedes are a strange bunch. You haven’t even tried pickled herring yet.”
“Whatever. I hate school, I hate my friends, I hate all the boys. I wouldn’t mind starting over. And I know why we haven’t been able to move and I know that the others like living there because it reminds them of our parents, but I fucking hate living in that house. So yeah, I’ll move here and eat pickled fish if that’s what it takes.”
One thing you have to appreciate about April is that she doesn’t hold anything back.
She raises her brow as she looks at me carefully. “Have you talked about this with Maggie?”
“No, not really.” I clear my throat, not sure if I should tell her this or not. “I, uh, was actually planning on proposing. On Christmas Eve. I have the ring and everything.” Freddie and Magnus helped pick it out. I know that there are heirlooms in the family but I’m doing this without telling my parents. They can either approve or disapprove after but if she says yes, we’re getting married and nothing can stop that. I don’t care if it means I’m disowned and have to abdicate.