“Has he eaten today?”
“Three crickets. Took a video. When you watch it in slow-mo, his tongue is creepy, and the cricket’s legs are like Save me, save me! It’s hilarious. I’ll text it to you.”
A few moments of silence pass and I take several deep breaths, willing my coiled muscles to relax.
“Thanks for coming after me,” I say. “Guess I lost it for a second.”
There’s a pause, then, “Yeah. I’ve seen how you stare at her in class. You love her.”
I push down the lump in my throat and keep my gaze on Spike. “Crazy. I barely know her,” I murmur.
“You know her. You’ve been around her for a year.” A huff comes from his chest. “Been thinking about our conversation last week, and you’re right—I am the woo-woo dude. Laugh all you want, but I think your dad wanted one last talk with you, his only son. Maybe to make sure you survived. Who knows how the afterlife works? Maybe he needed to see you, to comfort himself and share his love. I don’t know. I think these experiences happen to people, but we don’t hear about it because we think it makes us sound crazy or deranged. I think he was there with you before he passed on to somewhere else.”
“Been on the internet, huh?”
“Dude. Near-death experiences are fascinating.”
A smile ghosts over my lips. “He was dead, and I wasn’t near death. They put me in a coma to help me heal.” I pause, my mind on the image of my dad next to my bed in the hospital. I play back the memory, the way he held my hand. “But it was a goodbye. He wanted to see me one last time…yeah, I believe that.”
“Always knew you did. You’ve discussed it with me, more than once, three times if you count this, and that’s the magic number. I’m your best friend. Crew and Hollis can suck it.”
I huff out a small laugh. “Best little bro ever.” My two fingers tap my heart twice.
He does the same.
“Ana… You’ve held yourself in check with her for a long time. That kind of tension eats at you, man, gets under your skin and never leaves. Your mom is sick, football is up in the air, and you don’t know what to do next. It’s okay to have moments where you freak out.” He nods. “I saw you running today. Like the devil was after you.”
“She calls me Snake.”
“What do you call her?”
My chest clenches. “Rainbow.” I sigh. “The what-ifs and should-haves are eating me up. She knows I authored that note.”
“You messed up. I was there. You wanted her.”
“I shoulda made my move, shoulda told him—”
“But you didn’t.”
“She loves him.”
“Does she?”
“She wouldn’t have stayed if she didn’t.”
“So? You never made your move. What did you want her to do?”
“Is this your method of talking me down? Hope you don’t become a therapist or some shit.”
“I’d make a fine psychologist.”
I pet Spike on his head. “She’s too smart for me.”
“Some people have other kinds of smarts.”
“She’s coming back to school, and I don’t know if I am.”
“Fate may have other plans.”
“She’s kind.”
“I’m pretty sweet, too.” He grins.
“She says I’m beautiful. Inside. Who says that shit?”
“Get over yourself. You’re an asshole.” He pats my shoulder. “Look, at the end of the day, if she’s what you want, I support it. I like Donovan. He’s a decent guy and he cares about the frat. But you, my friend, are our leader, and warriors deserve to have their glory. Who am I to stand in your way? Now, if you just wanted to bang her, I’d beat the shit out of you.”
My throat feels thick. “That’s not what this is.”
He shrugs. “Well, I’m a player. I don’t know jack about feelings, so I can’t really help, but…”
“My dad said to wait.”
“I get it, but who knows what that means? How do you know when the waiting is over?”
“I’ve thought maybe he meant to give her space, to let her find her way without me interfering, let her get over him, let some distance build up between her and Donovan, but I haven’t been doing that lately, obviously, and I feel like time is running out…” My voice trails off.
“You’ve had a shit year. Things were bound to snap.”
I nod. “Anastasia gets me, Benji. She doesn’t care about this revenge thing. I mean, maybe she did at first, but that’s not why she’s helping me. She’s solid and doesn’t pretend to be something she isn’t. She likes who she is, and so do I. Like I could see me and her…” together forever. “I’ve told her everything, my issues, about Mom. She sees me, likes how…messed up I am.”
“Not messed up.”
“You know what I mean. I never should have walked away from her last night. I should have manned up and laid it out for Donovan. But, now she’s here, with him. Dude. I don’t know what they’re saying down there and it’s…” killing me. I roll my neck, trying to ease the pressure.
He slaps me on the back. “Guinness? The Truth Is Out There? Where are your boys tonight?”
“Home. Packing for the break. What I should be doing.” With a long breath out, I rise up and hand Spike back. “Yeah. Let’s get out of here.”
There’s sleet falling by the time Benji and I leave the bar and head to my truck. It’s not bad, but I give the road an extra look over. People in the South tend to overreact when it spits snow, running out and buying milk and bread like a blizzard apocalypse is imminent. There’s hardly any traffic though. I check my watch. It’s ten. Is she home yet?
A text comes in from my boys, asking where I am and confirming their travel plans for tomorrow. Crew is flying to California and Hollis is going to Savannah for the break. I pause next to my truck to scan them.
Hollis sends, River, you wanna talk?
Um… I can talk about anything, this is known, but ??? I say and hit send.
One of the pledges came by and mentioned Ana was at the house with Donovan, he replies. They back on?
Damn. People love to gossip. Even dudes.
Crew sends, You alright, River?
Not really, but I picture Crew and Hollis sitting in the den next to each other texting me, and I push up a smile.
I’m okay. She came to the house, yes, but we aren’t over.
I might be late, I send. I’ll knock on your doors in the morning.
Weirdo, Crew sends.
I laugh. You love me, Hollywood.
Wake me. I’ll share my Ding Dongs with you, boo bear, Hollis adds.
There’s a joke here somewhere, Crew sends.
They say bye and I stick my phone back in my jeans.
“We could hit the ATO party. They’re having one every night this week,” Benji muses as he hums “Sweet Child O’ Mine” to Spike on his shoulder. He’s buzzing, but I only had one drink. My head doesn’t need alcohol muddling it up.
“Nah.” I’m not in the mood to party.