This was what they didn’t talk about:
Tanzie. She hung in the air between them the whole way around that university campus. Nicky could picture her, tongue wedged in the side of her mouth, head down, scribbling away in her own little world of numbers. He knew Jess was doing the same.
What it would be like if they actually went home with five thousand pounds.
If Tanzie went to that school and he left school before sixth form, whether Jess would want him to pick her up from St Anne’s every day.
The takeaway that they would definitely get tonight in celebration. Possibly not a kebab.
That Jess was plainly freezing, even if she insisted she was fine. All the little hairs on her arms were standing bolt upright.
Mr Nicholls. Most notably, where Jess had actually slept the previous night. And why they had kept stealing looks at each other like a pair of teenagers all morning, even while they were grumping at each other. Nicky honestly thought she thought they were all stupid sometimes.
But it was kind of okay, the talking thing. He thought he might even do it more often.
They were waiting outside the doors when they finally opened at two o’clock. Tanzie walked out in the first batch, her furry pencil case clutched in front of her, and Jess held out her arms wide, all braced for celebration.
‘So? How was it?’
She looked at them steadily.
‘Did you muller them, Titch?’ said Nicky, grinning.
And then, abruptly, Tanzie’s face crumpled like it had done when she was little and fell over, and there was a three-second gap between whatever Bad Thing had just happened and a gigantic Bad Thing Wail coming out.
Jess grabbed her and pulled her close, maybe to reassure her, maybe to hide the shock on her face, and Nicky put his arm around her on the other side, and Norman sat there on her feet, and as the other kids filed past, some of them chatting, a few silent as they looked at Tanzie, she told them what had happened, through muffled sobs.
‘I lost the whole first half-hour. And I didn’t understand some of their accents. And I couldn’t see properly. And I got really nervous and I kept staring at my paper and then by the time I got the glasses it took me ages to find a pair that fitted me and then I couldn’t even understand the first question.’
Jess scanned the corridor for the organizers. ‘I’ll talk to them. I’ll explain what happened. I mean, you couldn’t see. That’s got to count for something. Maybe we could get them to adjust the score to take it into account.’
‘No. I don’t want you talking to them. I didn’t understand the first question, even when I got the right glasses. I couldn’t make it work the way they said it should work.’
‘But maybe –’
‘I messed it up,’ Tanzie wailed. ‘I don’t want to go over it. I just want to go.’
‘You didn’t mess anything up, sweetheart. Really. You did your best. That’s all that matters.’ Jess kept stroking her back, as if that could make it all better.
‘But it’s not, is it? Because I can’t go to St Anne’s without the money.’
‘Well, there must be … Don’t worry, Tanze. I’ll work something out.’
It was her least convincing smile ever. And Tanzie wasn’t stupid. She cried like someone heartbroken.
Nicky had honestly never seen her like that. It actually made him want to cry a bit too. ‘Let’s go home,’ he said, when it became unbearable.
But that made Tanzie cry harder.
Jess looked up at him, her face bleached and completely lost, and it was like she was asking him, Nicky, what shall I do? And the fact that just for once even Jess didn’t know made him feel like something had gone really wrong with the world. And then he thought: I really, really wish Jess hadn’t confiscated my stash. He didn’t think he had ever needed a smoke more in his life.
They waited there in the hallway as the other competitors fell into groups or shared sandwiches or retreated into cars with their parents and just for once Nicky realized he did feel angry. He was angry with the stupid boys who had put his little sister off her stroke. He was angry with the stupid maths competition and its rules that wouldn’t bend a tiny bit for a little girl who couldn’t see. He was angry that they had come all this way across an entire country just to fail again. Like there was nothing this family could do that turned out right. Nothing at all.
When the hallway had emptied finally Jess reached into her back pocket and wrenched out a small rectangular card. She thrust it at him. ‘Call Mr Nicholls.’
‘But he’s halfway home by now. And what can he do?’
Jess bit her lip. She half turned away from him, then back again. ‘He can take us to Marty.’
Nicky stared at her.
‘Please. I know it’s awkward, but I can’t think what else to do. Tanzie needs something to help her up again, Nicky. She needs to see her dad.’
He was back within half an hour. He had just been down the road, he said, having a bite to eat. Nicky thought afterwards that if he had been thinking more clearly he might have wondered why Ed hadn’t gone very far, and why it had taken him so long to get a snack down him. But he was too busy arguing with Jess.
‘I know you don’t want to see your dad but –’
‘I’m not going.’
‘Tanzie needs this.’ Her face had that determined set, where you knew she was making out that she was taking your feelings into account but actually she was just going to make you do what she wanted you to do.