The Unfailing Light

My class in pedagogy was small-only three other girls and myself-in a tiny classroom with Madame Fredericks, an elderly German woman who was more interested in reading Marie Corelli romances than teaching us how to teach others. And I was to begin with a French grammar lesson. That morning was my first class with the Blue Form girls, the form between the youngest Browns and the oldest Whites.

Seventeen girls, ages twelve to fourteen, in royal-blue uniforms sat in a stuffy classroom, staring at me expectantly. My stomach was twisting into knots, even though I'd prepared my notes and reviewed them over and over in bed the night before. I gave them all a brave smile. "Good morning," I said.

The blank looks on their faces reminded me of the members of the Order of St. Lazarus standing guard outside our school gates. It took everything I had to repress a shudder. It didn't help that Madame Fredericks was sitting at the back of the room to review my progress. I spoke up a little louder this time, smiling an even braver smile. "Good morning."

"How do you answer your teacher?" Madame Fredericks said in a gruff, booming voice. She was writing notes in a journal. So much for taking control of my students right from the beginning.

"Good morning, Mademoiselle," the girls said obediently. Mon Dieu, they even sounded like the undead soldiers. I chose to believe it was because it was so early in the morning.

"My name is Mademoiselle Katerina, and today we are going to study French verbs." I turned around and picked up a piece of chalk. "Let's start with one of the easier ones," I said as I wrote the word aimer on the dusty board. I heard several giggles behind me and smiled to myself. At least they were paying attention. I turned around. "Now we will all say the verb together, and one of you will come up to the front and write it on the board."

Their voices chanted low and unsteadily. "J'aime, tu aimes, il aime, nous aimons, vous aimez, ils aiment ..."

"Excellent," I said, trying to encourage them. I walked between the aisles of wooden desks, which were probably older than I, and stopped in front of a dark-haired girl with bright-green eyes. In French I asked her name, and then placed the chalk in her hand. "Charlotte, will you write the verbs as we speak them again?"

"Oui, Mademoiselle," she said, standing up from her desk.

Madame Fredericks was no longer paying attention to the class. She was absorbed in her romance novel. As long as the class continued according to my lesson plan, she would not bother me and I would receive a passing grade.

Charlotte stepped up to the board and raised her chalk, ready for the class to recite their verbs. But before anyone could say anything, her hand moved with a jerk and she began to scrawl across the board, in Russian: STAY OUT OF THE LIBRARY.

The girls gasped. I moved quickly toward Charlotte, who was now standing with a blank stare in front of the board. "Thank you, dear," I said, erasing the board swiftly. I took the chalk from her hand and guided her gently back to her seat. The temperature had dropped dramatically in the classroom, and I saw several of the students begin to shiver.

Madame Fredericks did not raise her head from her book once. Charlotte still looked a little dazed, so I asked another girl at the desk closest to her to please take her to the nurse.

"Shall we repeat our verbs again?" I asked, praying that I'd erased the message so quickly, no one would remember it. The sudden chill was gone, but I was shaking myself. What had happened to Charlotte? Had she been possessed by the ghost? Was the ghost trying to communicate through her?

A sea of hands shot up. "Mademoiselle Katerina? What is in the library? Did Madame Tomilov make it off-limits? Is it off-limits to the Browns and the Whites as well? Why did Charlotte write that?"

I sighed. I had once again lost control of my class. "I do not know. But I would like to return to the topic of French verbs. Let's try another one." I turned around and wrote embrasser on the board. To kiss. Let them giggle at that one. I faced the class again. "Let's conjugate this one together. "J'embrasse, tu embrasses, il embrasse, nous embrassons ..."

I made it through the last fifteen minutes of the lesson with no more strange disruptions. After the students filed out into the hall and headed for their next class, Madame Fredericks stood up and handed my evaluation to me. "Next time, do not allow the students to write on the board," she told me. "They will do anything to get out of class."

"Of course, Madame," I said. I should have been glad that she hadn't noticed the chill in the room, or the haunted look on Charlotte's face. But the only emotion I felt at that moment was dull rage. And fear. How could this be happening in spite of the empress's spell? And why couldn't I see the ghost? When Madame Fredericks dismissed me, I went straight to Sister Anne to check on Charlotte.

Charlotte's color was much improved. She was reading her French textbook but looked up and smiled when she saw me. "Bonjour, Mademoiselle Katerina," she said.

"You look as if you're feeling better," I said.

Sister Anne seemed pleased. "You may return to your classes now, Charlotte."

I walked with the young Blue Form girl on my way to my own classes. "Do you remember what happened this morning?"

Charlotte frowned. "A little. I was standing in front of the chalkboard and the next thing I knew, I felt cold and dizzy. Did I pass out?"

"No," I assured her. "But you did look as if you might. Do you remember what you wrote on the board?"

She looked up at me, her face full of guilt. "I didn't write anything. I was supposed to write the French verbs but I never did. Am I in trouble?"

"No, Charlotte. Of course you're not in trouble. You should probably hurry on to class now."

A ghost. There was no way I could see its cold light as long as the empress's spell was in place. I felt helpless. As much as I dreaded it, I realized I would have to return to the library to investigate. The school day dragged on endlessly, through Mathematics, and French, and Domestic Arts, and Music, but at last my classes were over and I headed for the library.

"Katerina, are you coming with us?" Elena and Augusta were headed outside to get fresh air in the courtyard.

"I'll catch up with you. There is something in the library that I need."

Elena rolled her eyes. "You and your books! Augusta, come along."

I hurried alone to the library, not sure what I could actually do. The empress's spell had rendered me powerless. If there was a ghost, what would I be able to do about it?

Princess Alix was in the library, reading a volume of English poetry. I was not expecting to see anyone there, and I know I looked startled. "Excuse me," I said. "I'm ... just getting a book and I'll leave you in peace."

"You're not bothering me."

"That's good." What else was I supposed to say? I stared at the bookshelves, not sure what to do. Would the ghost come back if there was more than one person here? Had Alix felt its presence already? She seemed so calm. It was unlikely she had noticed anything. The presence I'd felt was not really evil, but it was mean. And it definitely did not want me in the library.

"Is something wrong?" Alix asked. "Why are you staring at me?"

"I'm sorry," I said. "May I ask you something? The noises at night have not bothered you at all?"

The princess stared at me with her clear blue eyes. "If you are wondering whether the ghost is disturbing me, then no. If you are asking whether the moaning of my roommates is keeping me awake, then yes."

We stared at each other in silence for a long time. She knew of the ghost, and yet was not afraid of it. Finally, I said, "I felt the presence in here last week."

Alix closed her eyes and was perfectly still. "Yes, but she is not here now."

"She? Do you know who she is? She has not tried to harm you?"

But the German princess was not interested in chatting with me anymore. Alix stood up abruptly and gathered her things. "If you will excuse me, I must be somewhere." She brushed past me, and I wished more than anything that I could see her cold light. She was most definitely a good person, which was probably why she irritated Elena so. There was no evil lingering around her, but there was a sense of grimness in her blue eyes. No sense of joy at all. She was the strangest girl I'd ever met.

I tried to find Erzsebet next. I wanted to know how she was doing after her outburst that morning. She was resting in her room.

"Come sit with me, Katerina," she said. "Please don't go."

"How are you feeling?" I asked, sitting down on the bed beside her.

"Better," she said with a heavy sigh. "Madame Tomilov was kind. She only gave me a five-page essay to write."

"Why were you so upset this morning? Was it the lack of sleep or was it something else?"

"I don't know," Erzsebet mumbled, staring down at her quilt. She seemed to be debating whether or not to tell me. "Everyone will think I'm crazy."

"Erzsebet, what are you talking about? You know I wouldn't think that."

"I heard voices last night." She sniffled and shook her head. "Well, one voice, actually. A girl laughing. I thought it was Augusta, but she was sleeping. The girl sounded like she was in the hallway, but when I opened my door, the laughing stopped. It's like she just vanished."

I took a deep breath. I couldn't tell her what Alix had said, but I could tell her what I'd experienced. "I think I've heard her too. In the library last week." Erzsebet gasped and grasped my hand, squeezing it tight. "Who do you think it is?"

The Bavarian princess looked at me like I was insane. "Isn't it obvious? It's Marija of Montenegro. Elena's sister."

No wonder the girls had been whispering about Elena that morning. "Are you sure?" I asked. "Do you know anyone else who's actually seen her?"

Erzsebet shook her head. "Madame Tomilov told me not to discuss it with any of the other girls. I shouldn't have said anything to you, Katerina, but you won't tell anyone, will you? Especially not Elena. It's her fault somehow. I'm sure of it."

"We can't be certain of that," I said. "Or even that it's truly Elena's dead sister haunting us."

Erzsebet shrugged. "I don't know, Katerina, but there has been a lot of gossip around the school that Elena was responsible for the strange illnesses last year. I've heard she knows some kind of folk magic from the Black Mountains."

The glamours of the Light and Dark Courts could only hide so much from everyone. Of course there were always rumors and hints that something more sinister lurked in the shadows. If only I could've told her about the empress's spell, I think she would've felt safer. Then again, not many people in St. Petersburg knew the empress was a faerie. "But why would Elena make her sister's ghost haunt Smolny?" I asked. "And why now and not sooner? She could have appeared years ago."

"I don't know, Katerina." Erzsebet shook her head, her blond curls swinging. She was not quite old enough to wear her hair up. "I'm probably being ridiculous. But you've heard the ghost too, right? I'm not going insane?"

"I can't promise you that you're not insane," I said, teasing her gently. "But yes, I've heard something that I can't easily explain. But I don't know what to do about it."

"We have to tell Sister Anna. She'll know what to do." Erzsebet sat up. "Let me put my uniform back on, and we can speak to her right now."

I hesitated. "What if she doesn't believe us? I think we need some kind of proof before we bother any of the staff with this. Otherwise, she might punish us for lying."

Erzsebet slumped back down against her pillow and sighed unhappily. "What does one do to get rid of a ghost?"

There were a thousand other questions I would have rather asked first, like who she was, and why was she here. After all those years of watching Maman's seances, I knew how to properly conjure a ghost, and the polite way to dismiss one. But I had a feeling this ghost would not leave politely. And without being able to see cold light, I was stumbling around in the dark.